2023 年1 月浙江英语首考作文解析

李兆国

（浙江省杭州学军中学紫金港校区 ）

应用文真题再现：

上周末你参加了校学生会组织的“认识我们身边的植物”活动。请为校英文报写一篇报道，内容包括：

1.活动的过程；

2.收获与感想。

注意：

1.写作词数应为80 左右；

2.请按如下格式在答题纸的相应位置作答。

学生作文一：

Getting to Know the Plants Around Us

Last weekend witnessed a meaningful activity“Getting to Know the Plants Around Us”,which enjoyed tremendous popularity among students.

Aimed at arousing our interest in nature,a great variety of activities were included,ranging from visiting a local botanical garden,talking with the botanists to watching a documentary film named Amazing Nature.We studied flowers and plants in person.The activity not only enabled us to probe into the stunning world of plants,but cultivated our love of nature as well.

Undoubtedly,the activity was well received as a huge success.All of us are waiting for a similar activity next year.（杭州学军中学，曾同学）

教师点评：

本文是一篇新闻报道，首先要确定人称与时态。本文作者选择了第三人称和第一人称复数，用一般过去时为主，一般将来时为辅的方式，清晰、准确地交代了活动的时间、地点和举办方。在活动过程的描述、收获与感想的表述上，行文连贯、衔接得当、语言丰富。整篇文章语言得体，表述清楚，结构清晰。

学生作文二：

Getting to Know the Plants Around Us

Aimed at enriching our school life,an activity called “Getting to Know the Plants Around Us”was held in our school last weekend.

The activity began with a wander around our campus and we took photos of the plants we’d usually ignored before.Then,we gathered at the multi-function hall and attended a lecture given by a biology expert,whose detailed introduction and profound knowledge left us a deep impression.In the Q&A session,we had a heated discussion on the charming world of nature.

What an exceptional and rewarding experience!We hope a similar one could be held in the near future.(杭州学军中学 汪同学)

教师点评：

本文作者审题准确，谋篇布局得当。很好地设计了活动的过程，细节展开巧妙，语言生动丰富。恰当地结合了生活实际谈论“认识我们身边的植物”的收获与感想。

读后续写真题再现：

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

I was invited to a cookout on an old friend’s farm in western Washington.I parked my car outside the farm and walked past a milking house which had apparently not been used for many years.A noise at a window caught my attention,so I entered it.It was a hummingbird（蜂鸟）,desperately trying to escape.She was covered in spider-webs（蛛网）and was barely able to move her wings.She ceased her struggle the instant I picked her up.

With the bird in my cupped hand,I looked around to see how she had gotten in.The broken window glass was the likely answer.I stuffed a piece of cloth into the hole and took her outside,closing the door securely behind me.

When I opened my hand,the bird did not fly away;she sat looking at me with her bright eyes.I removed the sticky spider-webs that covered her head and wings.Still,she made no attempt to fly.Perhaps she had been struggling against the window too long and was too tired? Or too thirsty?

As I carried her up the blackberry-lined path toward my car where I kept a water bottle,she began to move.I stopped,and she soon took wing but did not immediately fly away.

Hovering（悬停）,she approached within six inches of my face.For a very long moment,this tiny creature looked into my eyes,turning her head from side to side.Then she flew quickly out of sight.

During the cookout,I told my hosts about the hummingbird incident.They promised to fix the window.As I was departing,my friends walked me to my car.I was standing by the car when a hummingbird flew to the center of our group and began hovering.She turned from person to person until she came to me.She again looked directly into my eyes,then let out a squeaking call and was gone.For a moment,all were speechless.Then someone said,“She must have come to say goodbye.”

注意：

1.续写词数应为 150 左右；

2.请按如下格式在答题纸的相应位置作答。

学生作文一：

Paragraph 1:A few weeks later,I went to the farm again.Out of strong curiosity,I deliberately pulled over beside the milking house and stepped on to check the window.To my great delight,the window now turned into a brand-new one.However,as I looked round,the very hummingbird was nowhere to be found.At this,a mood of melancholy welled up inside me with my mind wandering back to the first time we met.How I wished I could saw her when the call from my friend temporarily swept away my sadness.We chatted for the whole afternoon.However,a miracle occurred.

Paragraph 2:I was about to leave when the hummingbird appeared.Seized by an immediate exhilaration,I reached out my hand,signaling her to land.The lovely creature gazed at me,as if telling me,“I miss you much!” Staring at the bird,I felt I was talking with an old friend.This experience had been as meaningful to me as anything in my life.Birds have feelings like human beings,so do many other living things.We human beings should learn to get along well with them.We need each other’s care and protection.(杭州学军中学 谢同学)

教师点评：

本文故事围绕主人公“我”的一次农场奇遇展开，探讨了人与自然和谐相处这一主题。“我”去农场会见朋友的过程中，向一只被困的蜂鸟施以援手。文章中用多处细节刻画蜂鸟和主人公“我”之间的一段真实情感。本文作者通过对于原文细节的呼应和展开，以及丰富的内心活动的描写，生动、细腻地向读者展现出了“我”在农场遇到的这一只灵动的小蜂鸟。第二段对于主题的升华亦恰到好处，引人深思！

学生作文二：

Paragraph 1:A few weeks later,I went to the farm again.Passing through the milking house and seeing the repaired window,I felt all the past memories of the hummingbird popping into my mind—her delicate wings,her bright eyes and her squeaking call.I looked here and there,in the hope of finding her small figure,but in vain.How I wished I could have another encounter with this lovely creature! An unspeakable anguish wrung my heart at the thought that she had gone to other places.The whole day witnessed my absent mind as my friend joked that I should live here to wait.My heart was empty and I prayed sincerely to see my hummingbird again.

Paragraph 2:I was about to leave when the hummingbird appeared.The squeaking call was familiar.Never had I expected such an encounter right here and right now! I knew instinctively that this hummingbird was my lovely friend.Seeing her way of saying goodbye,I felt as if floating in an ocean of happiness as a tide of warmth and pleasure ran through my body like electric currents.Seeing her small figure,I realized that our mother nature is full of miracles if we treat it with care and respect.（杭州学军中学 曾同学）

教师点评：

读后续写要围绕人物和环境两个要素展开描写。本文作者对于人物的刻画细致入微，语言和句式的丰富多样体现了作者对原文情节和细节描写有较好的理解能力。丰富生动的人物情感和细致的心理活动描写，多种修辞手法的使用使得全文极具画面感，让读者能感受到主人公和蜂鸟的真情，主题升华水到渠成！