做好整本书阅读 提升学生写作张力——以《无人生还》阅读及续写指导为例

湖南

一、整本书阅读概述

面对读后续写，很多学生产出的文字平淡乏味、干扁无力，而依据读后续写的评价标准，要想写出五档作文，语言要具有丰富性。怎样才能达到语言的丰富性呢？整本书阅读为学生学习语言的丰富性提供了可操作性途径。那么，如何选择书籍呢？要遵循三个标准：情节是否具有吸引力；语言是否丰富；学生能否读懂。侦探类故事的目的就是根据线索进行逻辑推理，找出凶手，阿加莎的《无人生还》情节跌宕、环环相扣，能够满足青少年对世界探索的求知欲，为读者提供了一个有趣味、有思维挑战的语境。本书语言句式多变、动词生动、细节词汇较多，为语言的模仿提供了翔实的语料。生词也不至于太多而使学生望而却步，并且BBC按原著拍摄的电影能辅助学生理解故事的脉络。

二、学习语言丰富性之策略

在享受阅读的过程中，笔者撷英咀华，整理出六种语言丰富性的策略（面部描写、动作描写、声音描写、心理描写、环境描写以及明喻和暗喻），并结合具体实例阐述如何将其运用于读后续写。

1.面部描写

Chapter 2：A faint grin came to Fred Narracott’s lips as he remembered the millionaire’s guests.

Chapter 3：①Only his eyes were active,darting round and round the room,puzzled,alert with intelligence.

②Like the judge,Lombard’s eyes wandered slowly round the room...Suddenly his eyes lighted up.

③Lombard said to Rogers:“Get some brandy.”Rogers,his face white,his hands shaking,murmured:“Yes,sir”,and slipped quickly out of the room.

④The colour returned to her face.

Chapter 4:His forefinger stroked his upper lip and his voice was dangerously polite.

Chapter 6:The sweat was rolling down his face.

Chapter 8:When Vera looked at him,she saw a man standing in the rock—a young man with fair hair and blue eyes and a bewildered frightened face.

Chapter 9:A spot of colour came into Emily Brent’s cheeks.

Chapter 10:Rogers wiped the perspiration from the forehead.He said hoarsely:“It’s like a bad dream,that’s what it is.”

Chapter 13:The perspiration broke out on his forehead.

《无人生还》中有很多面部微表情的描述，读者能够从中推测出人物的情绪，从而在脑海中构建丰富的人物形象。因此要想文章生动、有趣，便要学会对面部进行细节描写，例如我们可以将描述对象从整个人细化到面部单位：face,eyes,chin,jaw,lips,forehead,cheeks,eyebrows,nose,eyelash,ear,hair,nostril,teeth等。此外，我们还要积累各种面部情绪的细节词（specific words），而不是笼统词（general words）。例如，通过原著阅读我们可以形成以下词汇库：

独特的观察视角和丰富的细节词汇能够使人物形象更加深入人心。这与电影作品用特写镜头俘获人心是一个道理。例如：当我们想表达“He was angry.”时，我们可以将语言视觉化为“His smile broadened from ear to ear.She was angry.”。如果觉得这句话太抽象，我们可以形象化地描述为“Her cheeks turned red and her eyebrows narrowed.”。根据日常生活经验，我们知道“raise eyebrows”可以表示惊奇，“dry lips”可以表示紧张。再如，将笼统词“smile”细化为laugh,chuckle,giggle,cheer,grin，sneer等具有不同感情色彩的“笑”可以使读者的感受更强烈。细化你的表达能够调动起读者的想象，使语言更有感染力。

2.动作描写

Chapter 2：She got up and walked restlessly about the room.

Chapter 3：①With a quick movement Blore was beside him.

②Tony Marston strolled to the open window.

③With a swift gesture,he caught the handle and flung the door open.Chapter 4：①General Macarthur patted her shoulder.②The upraised hand of Mr.Justice Wargrave calmed the tumult（喧闹）.

Chapter 5：General Macarthur tossed from side to side.Sleep would not come to him.

Chapter 9：Armstrong sprang to his feet.He was trembling.

Chapter 10：At 9 o’clock,Emily Brent rose to her feet.

Chapter 11：He raised his hand and struck her a flat blow on the cheek.

Chapter 13：She was just about to gulp the spirit gratefully down when,suddenly,a warning note-like an alarm bell-sounded in her brain.She sat up,pushing the glass away.

动词是句子的引擎，动词越丰富，句子就越有活力。肢体语言能够暴露主人公的情绪及内心想法，使人物形象跃然纸上，推动故事情节的发展。因为它是经过读者的二次推理而获得的，所以文本读起来余韵绵长。再者，通过深层次加工，读者更能深刻地记住文本信息。动作细化主要集中在肢体的动作上，观察视角为hand,finger,foot,throat等。例如，原著阅读教会我们可将细节动词分类归纳如下：

除了细节动词的积累之外，也可以以词块为单位进行归类整理。例如：可替代happy的动词短语有buzz with excitement,grin from ear to ear,burst with joy,jump for joys,float off the ground,glow with happiness等。将词块零存整取，在写作时随时能根据描写的角度调度运用。整本书阅读能帮助学习者积累大量印象深刻的单词短语、提供新词语的适用语境，且提供角度指导，在其后的写作输出中扮演“助产士”的重要角色。

3.声音描写

Chapter 4：①The hooded reptilian（爬行动物）eyes met his.In a clear cold voice the judge said：“I knew nothing of Seton previous to the case.” Armstrong said to himself：“The fellow’s lying—I know he’s lying.”

②The judge cleared his throat once or twice.Then he said：“Our inquiry rests here.Now Rogers,who else is there on the island besides ourselves and you and your wife?”

Chapter 5：He said in a low awe-struck whisper：“My God! He’s dead.”

Chapter 7：Armstrong’s tone sounded relieved.

Chapter 8：Blore said breathlessly：“Where is Mr.Lombard？”

Chapter 9：①His voice was loud and jubilant (欢欣鼓舞的).

②Armstrong said in a trembling voice：“There is no one on the island,I tell you.No one!”

语言描述包括对话语的直接引用以及对声音本身的描述。从原著中我们可以学习到，直接引用应尽量避免全是陈述句，多用不同句式、标点符号来表达上下起伏的情感。例如：以上引文中的“My God!”“Where is Mr.Lombard?”分别表示的是惊奇和紧张的情绪。若要避免通篇全是平淡无奇的对话形式，还可加强对声音特征的描述。对“say”进行细化的方式有四种：用细节词代替笼统词、用副词修饰、用形容词修饰、用with结构。如下表：

好的作家都会用充满情感的词来代替乏味的“say”。例如：

Alice finally meets the Red Queen who is used to getting her own way.When Alice stand up to her.The Queen turns red with fury,and,after glaring at her for a moment like a wild beast,screams “Off with her head！”

——Alice in Wonderland

我们隔着纸张都能感受到红桃皇后的怒吼，可谓力透纸背。从原著的阅读中我们一定要练就一双欣赏美的眼睛，不断阅读、积累、分类、操练，长此以往写出好的作文便是水到渠成了。

4.心理描写

Chapter 2：①Everyone was in better spirits.

②A little shiver passed down Vera’s back.

Chapter 5：①It was so sudden and so unexpected that it took everyone’s breath away.

②In the darkness he kept seeing Arthur Richmond’s face.

Chapter 7：Vera drew a deep shuddering(不寒而栗的)breath.

Chapter 11：Six people,all outwardly self possessed and normal.And within? Thoughts that ran round in a circle like squirrels in a cage...

Chapter 12：She had only to turn her head and she would see her.But she couldn’t turn her head...If she were to call out...But she couldn’t call out...There was no one else in the house.She was all alone...

从原著中我们学习到，我们可以通过两种方式进行心理描写：第一，描写内在感知（internal sensation），即身体的某些具体的物理感受。第二，描写心理反应（mental responses），如某些具体的回忆、片段、内心的希望等。例如：

引文中的优秀例句告诉我们，为了表现角色的内心想法，我们要化身为角色去假设她/他身体所感受到的、心中所想到的。共情的能力能够帮我们塑造生动的人物形象，让我们的作品脱颖而出。例如“He was nervous.”是从第三人称的视角去观察，但是我们若化身为“He”就可以写出只有主人公才能感知到的东西：“His heart leaped out of his chest/throat.”“His heart/pulse raced.”也可以写出他的内心盼望或当时印入脑海的具体细节。引文中的“If she were to call out...But she couldn’t call out...”即化身为“she”，表达出主人公期望发出求救却未能做到的悲伤情绪。我们所缺的不仅是细化词汇，还有阅读带来的全新的观察视角，视角变了，我们写出的世界也就丰富了。

5.环境描写

Chapter 6：Sunlight was pouring into the room.

Chapter 9：①Outside,sudden gusts of wind came up and died away.Vera shivered a little and said:“There is a storm coming.”

②The sweet course stood ready on the sideboard untasted.

Chapter 10：①Dinner came,was eaten,and cleared away.A simple meal,mostly out of tins.

②Outside the rain poured down and the wind howled in great shuddering gusts against the window-panes.

③The storm increased.The wind howled against the side of the house.

Chapter 13：A deadly silence filled the house apart from the gentle patter of the rain.

Chapter 15：Outside,the sun shone.It was a lovely day.The storm was a thing of the past...They felt now like people just awakening from a nightmare.

因为人具有自然属性和社会属性，所以不同的情感能够通过人与自然以及社会的互动表现出来，正所谓“一切景语皆情语。”在写作中要注意，不同的意象选择暗示了不同的情感。温暖的意象给人以积极的情感，冰冷的意象给人以消极的情感。例如：

优秀的作者不仅能将自然界的风霜雨雪与人物的情感默契匹配，还能够用环境反衬角色的心情，例如：引文中的“The sweet course stood ready on the sideboard untasted.”（甜食摆在餐具柜上，却无人品尝。）反衬了几位角色的紧张以至于食不甘味；引文“Dinner came,was eaten,and cleared away.”（晚餐被端上来、吃掉、收拾干净。）中的并列句式就更显功底了，被动句式暗示人物处于被动状态，三个动词的并列读起来让人感觉吃饭犹如例行程序，没有一丝乐趣。在写作中，我们可以学习将自然环境以及社会环境融入描写，并尝试运用并列、反复等简单修辞手法，以增强表达力。

6.明喻和暗喻

Chapter 2：He moved like a panther,smoothly and noiselessly.

Chapter 6：He was like a cat on hot bricks.

Chapter 7：A sudden flash passed like lightning through Armstrong’s mind.

Chapter 9：“That hundred guineas（英国货币）was just Mr.Owen’s little bit of cheese to get me into the trap along with the rest of you.” (Lombard)

Chapter 12：He’s a playful beast.

Chapter 14：He (Blore) was like a wild boar waiting to charge.

明喻（simile）是将两个相似的事物用“like”“ as”联系起来，通过相似性，能够用熟悉的事物来激活对不熟悉的事物的感知。暗喻（metaphor）是将两个事物用“A is B”联系起来，两者具有相似性。相似的部分能够得到凸显，激发联想能力，增强语言的趣味性。例如：

引文中的“moved like a panther”（像黑豹一样敏捷），“like a cat on hot bricks”（像热锅上的蚂蚁），“like lightning”（像闪电）能够形象地描述人的形态。用bit of cheese暗喻一点点诱饵，trap暗喻陷入网罗的状态。暗喻能够用最常见的事物、最简洁的语言表达最深刻的道理，在写作中我们可以适当运用，以增加语言的魅力。

三、以读促写实践操练

【学生习作1】

The car abruptly stopped in front of him.Determining not to be caught by the wolf,Mac clenched his teeth and jumped right near that car from the bicycle with every single hair stand on end.Paul and Becky left out of the car and waved their hands to attract the attention of the wolf,the savage eyes were attached to them as expected.Mac’s face grew paler due to his dangerous situation.The wolf was about to rush at full speed towards Paul and Becky with its big mouth open wide when Mac fired it with the spray.A long war started among them.

A few minutes later,the other two cyclists arrived.They witnessed what they were doing and adjusted the direction to hit the wolf straightly while the wolf didn’t pay much attention.The sudden bike scared the wolf away for several meters.Paul winked at the others to let them get into the car immediately and Becky quickly helped open the door.“Get in the car!”Mac squealed hysterically out of every cell.Luckily,the wolf was on the point of biting the last one getting into the car when the door was closed in time.Then soon,the wolf disappeared in the distance at sunset.As a matter of fact Paul and Becky needn’t have helped Mac but they did it promptly.Maybe caring for the one in danger is what humans are made for.（2017年6月浙江卷，K486班王同学）

【习作赏析】

此段是K486班王同学摘抄原著阅读并消化后运用于高考读后续写的作品。该同学从面部描写、动作描写、声音描写、心理描写和环境描写入手刻画了狼口脱险的具体细节。

面部描写运用到了以下高分词汇及句子：clenched his teeth紧咬着牙；the savage eyes凶残的眼睛；Mac’s face grew paler.Mac脸色更加苍白了；with its big mouth open wide张开血盆大口；winked at眨眼睛。动作描写也活灵活现，运用了细节性动词：jumped跳；waved their hands挥起他们的手；rush at full speed全速冲刺；fired喷出；hit撞击；biting the last one咬最后一位上车的人。声音描写“‘Get in the car!’ Mac squealed hysterically out of every cell.”不再是单纯的“say”，而是用副词“hysterically”来修饰，非常符合当时紧迫的情形。“out of every cell”显示出用尽全力地朝他们吼。心理描写标注了只有主人公才有的内在感知“with every single hair stand on end”（紧张到每一根头发都竖起来了）。还囊括了主人公的内心期待“Determining not to be caught by the wolf ”（希望不要被狼给抓住）。环境描写上，通过日落来表示这场战争的结束“Then soon,the wolf disappeared in the distance at sunset.”（狼在日落时分消失在远处。）整篇文章读来如临其境，堪称佳作。

【学生习作2】

The snow was falling harder now,and the little match girl was so cold that she thought she might die because of heavy snow.In other people’s eyes,the snow was like hundred of stars twinkling and snow elves playing.However,the snow looked as if a cruel monster who wanted to kill the girl in her eyes.The time flew like an arrow,and there was no one walking in the street except the girl couching in a small and dark corner.The girl looked at other people’s house,and she imagined going home,sitting near a warm fire and her father and mother giving her a big hug.Suddenly,a gust of cold wind disturbed her imagination.She kept shivering and even her eyelashes were stained with snow.The little match girl wanted to keep warm.Thus,she burnt out all matches.The fire was so warm that all the memories of the happy times flashed back.Finally,the girl fell asleep with the fading flare.The next day,the sun came up and shone on her little body.（K493班苏同学《卖火柴的小女孩》续写）

【习作赏析】

此段是K493班苏同学将原著阅读的精髓运用于《卖火柴的小女孩》的续写，作者通过环境描写、比喻的运用以及心理描写将简单的一幕场景刻画得非常细腻、感人。

在常人眼中，纷纷的大雪就如眨眼的星星和起舞的雪中精灵“like hundred of stars twinkling and snow elves playing”，无比可爱，但是在贫穷小女孩的眼中这雪却似残忍的怪物“a cruel monster”。时间如箭一般逝去（The time flew like an arrow）的明喻推动情节继续发展。在死亡线上挣扎（She thought she might die）的小女孩的内心想法只有取暖，以及回到美好的岁月（she imagined going home,sitting near a warm fire）。而外在环境却一直都是消极的、负面的（heavy snow,a small and dark corner,a gust of cold wind,the fading flare），衬托了小女孩的可怜。最终以“the sun came up and shone on her little body”（太阳出现了，照着她的小小尸体）来结束故事。该生学以致用，观察角度细致，有画外之音。

总而言之，整本书阅读是最有效的输入方式，原著阅读给了我们非常多的词汇、描写方式以及独特的观察视角，从而辅助写作产出。词汇应当在阅读中得到细化、模仿、再创造。因为词汇不能脱离语境而存在，仅靠背单词书达到的效果不如阅读原著，学生只有在语境中才能知其所以然。对于作者独特的观察视角，我们也要学习并运用于观察自己的生活，学会以“face”“body”“voice”直观的方式观察周边的实物世界，也学会以“thoughts”“environment”“simile &metaphor”间接的方式揣度肉眼未能看见的思维世界。