云中寄书信，浓浓父子情

by Maria Popova 译/辛献云

No love is greater than that of a father for his son.

（没有什么爱能超越父亲对儿子的爱。）

— Dan Brown （丹·布朗）

With Fathers Day around the corner， lets take a moment to pay heed to1） some of the wisest， most heart-warming advice from historys famous dads. Gathered here are four timeless favorites， further perpetuating my well-documented love of the art of letter-writing.

Leroy Pollock

In this beautiful 1928 letter， culled from American Letters 1927～1947： Jackson Pollock2） & Family， Jackson Pollocks dad， LeRoy， offers his son a sincere， optimistic lens on what matters most in life and how to cultivate it.

Dear Son Jack，

Well it has been some time since I received your fine letter. I was glad to learn how you felt about your summers work & your coming school year. The secret of success is concentrating interest in life， interest in sports and good times， interest in your studies， interest in your fellow students， interest in the small things of nature， insects， birds， flowers， leaves， etc. In other words to be fully awake to everything about you & the more you learn the more you can appreciate & get a full measure of joy & happiness out of life. I do not think a young fellow should be too serious. He should be full of the dickens3） sometimes to create a balance.

I think your philosophy on religion is okay. I think every person should think， act & believe according to the dictates of his own conscience without too much pressure from the outside. I too think there is a higher power， a supreme force， a governor， a something that controls the universe. What it is & in what form I do not know. It may be that our intellect or spirit exists in space in some other form after it parts from this body. Nothing is impossible and we know that nothing is destroyed—it only changes chemically. If we burn up a house and its contents， we change the form but the same elements exist： gas， vapor， ashes. They are all there just the same.

Write and tell me all about your schoolwork and yourself in general. I will appreciate your confidence.

You no doubt had some hard days on your job at Crestline4） this summer. I can imagine the steep climbing， the hot weather， etc. But those hard things are what build character and physic.

Well Jack I presume by the time you have read all this you will be mentally fatigued and will need to relax. So goodnight， pleasant dreams and God bless you.

Your affectionate Dad

Ronald Reagan

Days before 26-year-old Michael Reagans wedding in June of 1971， would-be U.S. President Ronald Reagan sent him this thoughtful and strikingly honest letter of marital advice， found in Reagan： a Life in Letters：

Dear Mike：

Youve heard all the jokes that have been rousted around by all the “unhappy marrieds” and cynics. Now， in case no one has suggested it， there is another viewpoint. You have entered into the most meaningful relationship there is in all human life. It can be whatever you decide to make it.

Some men feel their masculinity can only be proven if they play out in their own life all the locker-room stories， smugly5） confident that what a wife doesnt know wont hurt her. The truth is， somehow， way down inside， without her ever finding lipstick on the collar or catching a man in the flimsy6） excuse of where he was till three A.M.， a wife does know， and with that knowing， some of the magic of this relationship disappears. There are more men griping about marriage who kicked the whole thing away themselves than there can ever be wives deserving of blame. There is an old law of physics that you can only get out of a thing as much as you put in it. The man who puts into the marriage only half of what he owns will get that out. Sure， there will be moments when you will see someone or think back to an earlier time and you will be challenged to see if you can still make the grade7）， but let me tell you how really great is the challenge of proving your masculinity and charm with one woman for the rest of your life. Any man can find a twerp here and there who will go along with cheating， and it doesnt take all that much manhood. It does take quite a man to remain attractive and to be loved by a woman who has heard him snore， seen him unshaven， tended him while he was sick and washed his dirty underwear. Do that and keep her still feeling a warm glow and you will know some very beautiful music.

Mike， you know better than many what an unhappy home is and what it can do to others. Now you have a chance to make it come out the way it should. There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.

Love，

Dad

P.S. Youll never get in trouble if you say “I love you” at least once a day.

Marion Carpenter

Half a century ago last month， 37-year-old Malcolm Scott Carpenter8） piloted the Aurora 7 into space， becoming only the second American to orbit the Earth. The day before his landmark journey， he received the following letter from his father， Marion， found in For Spacious Skies： The Uncommon Journey of a Mercury Astronaut：

Dear Son，

Just a few words on the eve of your great adventure for which you have trained yourself and anticipated for so long—to let you know that we all share it with you， vicariously9）.

As I think I remarked to you at the outset of the space program， you are privileged to share in a pioneering project on a grand scale—in fact the grandest scale yet known to man. And I venture to predict that after all the huzzas10） have been uttered and the public acclaim is but a memory， you will derive the greatest satisfaction from the serene knowledge that you have discovered new truths. You can say to yourself： this I saw， this I experienced， this I know to be the truth. This experience is a precious thing； it is known to all researchers， in whatever field of endeavour， who have ventured into the unknown and have discovered new truths.

You are probably aware that I am not a particularly religious person， at least in the sense of embracing any of the numerous formal doctrines. Yet I cannot conceive of a man endowed with intellect， perceiving the ordered universe about him， the glory of the mountain top， the plumage11） of a tropical bird， the intricate complexity of a protein molecule12）， the utter and unchanging perfection of a salt crystal， who can deny the existence of some higher power. Whether he chooses to call it God or Mohammed13） or Buddha or Torquoise Woman14） or the Law of Probability15） matters little. I find myself in my writings frequently calling upon Mother Nature to explain things and citing Her as responsible for the order of the universe. She is a very satisfactory divinity for me. And so I shall call upon Her to watch over you and guard you and， if she so desires， share with you some of Her secrets which She is usually so ready to share with those who have high purpose.

With all my love，

Dad

John Steinbeck

Nobel laureate John Steinbeck16） was a prolific and eloquent letter-writer， as the magnificent Steinbeck： A Life in Letters reveals. Among his correspondence is this beautiful response to his eldest son Thoms 1958 letter， in which the teenage boy confesses to have fallen desperately in love with a girl named Susan while at boarding school. Steinbecks words of wisdom should be etched onto the heart and mind of every living， breathing human being.

Dear Thom：

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view.

First—if you are in love—thats a good thing—thats about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Dont let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second—there are several kinds of love. One is a selfish， mean， grasping， egotistical17） thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling18） kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you—of kindness and consideration and respect—not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength， and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didnt know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply—of course it isnt puppy love.

But I dont think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it—and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone—there is no possible harm in saying so—only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel， but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another—but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly， I know your feeling because I have it and Im glad you have it.

And dont worry about losing. If it is right， it happens. The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love，

Fa

父亲节即将来临，让我们花上片刻时间，重温历史上那些著名的父亲给子女留下的一些最睿智、最温馨的忠告。下面这四篇便是我收集到的经受了时间考验的最受人喜爱的书信，它们将我对书信艺术那有据可查的强烈爱好进一步推向永恒。

勒罗伊·波洛克

这封写于1928年的精彩书信摘自《1927～1947美国书信集：杰克逊·波洛克及其家人》。在信中，杰克逊·波洛克的父亲勒罗伊以诚恳的态度、乐观的精神向儿子展示了什么才是人生最重要的东西，以及如何为之而努力。

亲爱的儿子杰克：

收到你美好的来信已经有一段时间了。我很高兴获悉你对暑假工作以及即将到来的新学年的感受。成功的秘诀在于发掘人生兴趣，对运动和美好时光的兴趣，对学习的兴趣，对同学的兴趣，对昆虫、花鸟、树叶等大自然中藐小之物的兴趣。换句话说，要充分感知你周围的一切，你了解到的越多，就越能欣赏它们，并从生活中获得最大的快乐和幸福。我认为年轻人不应该太过严肃了，有时候也不妨放浪轻狂一下，以达到平衡。

我认为你对宗教的看法是没问题的。我认为每个人都要凭着自己的良知去思考、行动和信奉自己的信仰，而不应该过于顾忌外界的压力。我也相信冥冥中有一种更为崇高的力量，一种至高无上的威力，一个统治者，一种不知名的存在掌控着大千世界。我不知道它是什么，或者以何种形式存在。也许是我们的智慧或者精神在离开躯体之后，以某种其他形式存在于空间中。没有什么是不可能的，我们知道万物皆不可被摧毁殆尽——只是发生了化学变化。假如烧掉一座房子以及房子里的东西，我们只是改变其形式，而同样的元素还存在——以气体、蒸汽、灰烬的形式存在。它们仍然存在于这个世界。

写信给我说一说有关你学习和个人的大致情况吧。我会非常感激你对我的信任。

毫无疑问，今年暑假你在克雷斯特莱恩工作时一定度过不少艰难的日子。我可以想象你攀爬陡峭的山坡、忍受酷热的天气等状况。但这些困难会锻造人的品格，强健人的体魄。

好吧，杰克，读到这里，我想你精神上也该累了，需要放松一下。那么，晚安，好梦，愿上帝保佑你。

爱你的父亲

罗纳德·里根

1971年6月，26岁的迈克尔·里根再过几天就要结婚了，即将成为美国总统的罗纳德·里根给儿子写了一封细致入微、无比诚挚的书信，给他以婚姻的忠告。该信收录于《里根的书信人生》一书。

亲爱的迈克：

那些“婚姻不幸的人”以及怀疑婚姻的人所散布的种种笑话你一定都已听到过。现在，如果还没有人提出过的话，我想告诉你另一种观点。你已经迈入了所有人类生活中最有意义的一种人际关系。这种关系是好是坏，就看你打算怎样去经营它了。

有些男人认为，只有在自己的人生中亲自体验那些发生在更衣室里的风流韵事，才能证明自己的男人气概。他们洋洋得意地相信，妻子不知道的事情不会伤害到她。然而，事实是，即使她从来没有在领子上发现过口红，或者从来没有识破过一个男人口中所说的凌晨三点他在哪里的蹩脚借口，但在内心深处，做妻子的总会知道真相的，而一旦知道，夫妻关系的某些奇妙之处就会消失无踪。有些男人，自己一脚把一切都踢开，却还在抱怨婚姻，这样的男人远比应该受到责备的女人多得多。有一条古老的自然规律，那就是你付出多少，就只能得到多少。对婚姻只付出一半的男人也只能得到一半。当然，有时候你也会去见某个人，或者想着回到过去某个时候，那么你要面对的挑战就是你不知道自己是否仍然能够达到心目中理想的目标。但让我告诉你，要想一辈子向一个女人证明你的男人气概和魅力，这里的挑战有多么巨大。你会发现，依靠欺骗混日子的愚蠢男人遍地都是，而欺骗是不需要多少男人气概的。要做到下面这些事才真的很需要男人气概：保持自己的吸引力；让一个听过你打呼噜、见过你不修边幅、在你生病时照顾你、给你洗脏兮兮内衣的女人依然爱你。做到这一点，让她内心一直感到暖意融融，那么你将会领略到人生最美的天籁之音。

迈克，你比许多人都更清楚一个不幸的家庭是什么样的，以及它会对他人产生什么影响。现在，你有一个机会可以让这一切发展成它该有的样子。对于一个男人来说，在忙碌了一天之后，回到家门，知道这扇门里有人在等待着他的脚步声，人生最幸福的事莫过于此。

爱你，

父亲

又及：如果你每天对妻子至少说一次“我爱你”，你将永远不会遇到麻烦。

马里恩·卡朋特

半个世纪前的上个月（编注：此处指1962年5月），37岁的马尔科姆·司各特·卡朋特驾驶着极光7号进入太空，成为第二个环绕地球飞行的美国人。就在他的划时代旅程开始的前一天，他收到父亲马里恩的来信。该信收录于《广袤的太空：一位水星宇航员的非凡之旅》一书，内容如下：

亲爱的儿子：

在你为之训练并期盼了许久的伟大旅程开始的前夕，我给你写上几句话，让你知道我们都在间接地和你分享这一切。

就像我记得在这一太空计划启动之初对你所说的那样，你非常荣幸能参加这一宏大的开拓项目——事实上这是人类迄今最为宏大的项目。我大胆预测，当所有的欢呼归于平静，当公众的喝彩成为记忆，你会冷静地发现，你找到了新的真理，而你也将会从中获得极大的满足。你可以对自己说：我看到了这一切，我经历了这一切，我知道这就是真理。这种经历是非常宝贵的，所有的科研人员——不管研究的是领域——只要其探索过未知世界，发现过新的真理，都有过这样宝贵的经历。

你也许知道，我并不是一个特别有宗教信仰的人，至少我没有信奉过什么正式的教义，虽然它们为数众多。然而，我无法想象，一个才智出众的人，当他看到身边有序的宇宙、巍峨的山峰、热带小鸟的羽毛、蛋白质分子错综复杂的结构，还有盐晶那纯粹、永恒的完美构造时，如何能否认某种崇高力量的存在。不管他选择称之为上帝也好，穆罕默德也好，佛陀也好，绿松石女神也好，或者概率定律也好，都没有关系。我发现在我个人的写作中，我经常请自然母亲解释万物，并认为她掌管着宇宙秩序。对于我来说，她就是可以满足我愿望的神 。所以，我要向她祈愿，让她照顾你，守护你，而且，如果她愿意，还要让她与你分享她的秘密——她通常都十分乐意与那些目标高尚的人一起分享。

深爱你，

父亲

约翰·斯坦贝克

从非凡的《斯坦贝克的书信人生》一书中可以得知，诺贝尔奖得主约翰·斯坦贝克是一位多产且善于言辞的写信人。在他的书信中，有一封是写给他的长子托姆的精彩回信。在1958年托姆写给父亲的信中，这位年轻人坦言自己在寄宿学校时无可救药地爱上了一个名叫苏珊的女孩。斯坦贝克那充满智慧的话语值得每一个有生命的人铭记在心，铭刻在怀。

亲爱的托姆：

今天上午我们收到了你的来信。我将以我个人的观点来回复你。

首先，如果你已坠入爱河，那是一件好事——那大概是可能发生在一个人身上的最美好的事情。不要让任何人把它变得藐小或者无足轻重。

其次，爱可分为很多种。一种是自私、卑鄙、抓住不放、以自我为中心的爱，利用爱情达到妄自尊大的目的。这是一种丑陋的、害人害己的感情。另一种爱则是付出自己所有美好的东西——善良、体贴、尊重——不仅是社交礼仪上的尊重，而是更大意义上的尊重，那就是承认对方的价值和独一无二之处。第一种爱会给你带来病态的人格，把你变得藐小、无能；而第二种爱则能释放你心中的力量、勇气和善良，甚至还有你自己都不知道自己拥有的智慧。

你说这不是那种小孩子之间的青涩恋情。如果你感觉如此强烈的话，那肯定不是小孩子的那种恋情。

但我想你肯定不是要问我你感觉怎样。这一点你自己要比任何人都清楚。你想要我帮你的是该怎么办——这我倒是可以告诉你。

首先要以此为自豪，要感到高兴并充满感激。

爱的对象是最好、最美的。不要辜负了它。

如果你爱上某个人——把爱说出来是不会有什么伤害的——只是你必须记住有些人很害羞，有时，爱的表白需要考虑到别人的羞涩问题。

女孩子有一种特别的方式可以知道或者感受到你的感受，但她们通常也喜欢听到你说出来。

有时，由于种种原因，你的感情并没有得到同样的回应，但这并不能削弱你感情的价值和美好。

最后，我理解你的感情，因为我也有同样的感情，我很高兴你也有。

不要害怕失去，该发生的总会发生。重要的是不要匆忙行事。美好的东西是不会跑掉的。

爱你，

父亲

1. pay heed to：注意，留心

2. Jackson Pollock：杰克逊·波洛克（1912～1956），美国画家，是抽象表现主义运动的主要力量，以他独创的滴画而知名。

3. dickens [?d?k?nz] n. 魔鬼；小人精（指淘气、好动的儿童）

4. Crestline：克雷斯特莱恩，位于美国加州圣伯纳迪诺市的一个区

5. smugly [?sm?ɡl?] adv. 沾沾自喜地，自鸣得意地

6. flimsy [?fl?mzi] adj. 站不住脚的，不足信的

7. make the grade：达到标准

8. Malcolm Scott Carpenter：马尔科姆·司各特·卡朋特（1925～），美国传奇宇航员和潜航员

9. vicariously [v??ke?ri?sli] adv. 间接体验地

10. huzza [hu?za?] int. 表示大喜、赞许、欢呼等的声音

11. plumage [?plu?m?d?] n. 鸟类羽毛

12. protein molecule：蛋白质分子

13. Mohammed：穆罕默德（约570～632），是伊斯兰教的复兴者，也是伊斯兰教徒（穆斯林）公认的伊斯兰教先知。

14. Torquoise Woman：绿松石女神，北美印第安纳瓦霍人（Navaho）的天空女神，太阳神的妻子

15. Law of probability：概率律，也叫“概率定律”，指没有规律的过程会从大体上呈现规律性。

16. John Steinbeck：约翰·斯坦贝克（1902～1968），20世纪美国最有影响力的作家之一。他熟悉社会底层的人们，许多作品都以他们为主人公，表现了底层人的善良、质朴的品格，创造了“斯坦贝克式”的英雄形象。他的代表作品有小说《人鼠之间》（Of Mice and Men）、《愤怒的葡萄》（The Grapes of Wrath）、《月亮下去了》（The Moon Is Down）等。

17. egotistical [?i?ɡ???t?st?k（?）l] adj. 自私自利的

18. crippling [?kr?pl??] adj. 严重损害健康（或身体）的，有严重危害的