Stress Is Contagious in Relationships情感焦虑会传染

罗西·施劳特　崔佳艳/译

With the flurry of shopping， spending money and traveling to see family， stress can feel inevitable during the holidays.

一到放假，各种购物消费、探亲旅行应接不暇，难免让人感到焦虑。

You might already know stress can affect your own health， but what you may not realize is that your stress—and how you manage it—is catching. Your stress can spread around， particularly to your loved ones.

焦虑情绪会影响健康，这点你或许早有了解，但你可能没觉察到，自己的焦虑及应对方法是具有“传染力”的。它会向四周扩散，尤其是对你的爱人。

As a social-health psychologist， I have developed a model on how partners and their stress influence each others psychological and biological health. Through that and my other research， Ive learned that the quality of intimate relationships is crucial to peoples health.

作为社会健康心理学者，我建立了一套模型来研究伴侣间焦虑对彼此身心健康的影响。基于这一模型和本人的其他研究，我了解到亲密关系的质量对健康有着极其重要的影响。

Heres just a sample： Relationship stress can alter the immune， endocrine and cardiovascular systems. A study of newlyweds found levels of stress hormones were higher when couples were hostile during a conflict—that is， when they were critical， sarcastic， spoke with an unpleasant tone and used aggravating facial expressions， like eyerolls.

舉个例子：情感焦虑会改变人体免疫系统、内分泌系统和心血管系统。一项针对新婚夫妇的研究显示，夫妻俩吵架较劲时，相互间的指责、嘲讽、语气不善、摆脸色（如翻白眼）会使得他们体内的应激激素水平升高。

Likewise， in another study， people in hostile relationships had slower wound healing， higher inflammation， higher blood pressure and greater heart rate changes during conflict. Middle-aged and older men had higher blood pressure at times when their wives reported greater stress. And partners who felt they werent being cared-for or understood had poorer well-being and higher mortality rates 10 years later when compared with those who felt more cared-for and appreciated by their partners.

另一项研究同样证实，感情不睦的双方在发生冲突期间，伤口愈合较慢，炎症加重，血压升高，心率波动也会增大。中老年男性会因其妻子焦虑情绪表现加重，而血压升高。结婚十年后，与那些受到伴侣关心和赞赏的人相比，自感缺少伴侣关爱和理解的人幸福感较低、死亡率较高。

Conflict and cortisol

冲突和皮质醇

Cortisol is a hormone that plays a key role in the bodys stress response. Cortisol has a diurnal rhythm， so its levels are usually highest soon after waking and then gradually decline during the day. But chronic stress can lead to unhealthy cortisol patterns， such as low cortisol levels upon waking or cortisol not tapering off much by the end of the day. These patterns are associated with an increase in disease development and mortality risks.

皮质醇这种激素在人体应激反应中发挥着重要作用。它具有昼夜节律，通常在早晨睡醒后不久达到峰值，白天逐渐下降。但长期焦虑会打乱健康的皮质醇节律，比如造成皮质醇在晨起时水平低，或入睡时水平极少回落。节律紊乱会导致生病、增加死亡风险。

My colleagues and I found that conflict altered cortisol levels of couples on the day they had a dispute; people with stressed partners who used negative behaviors during the conflict had higher cortisol levels even four hours after the conflict ended.

根据我和同事的研究，夫妻争吵当天，皮质醇水平会因冲突的产生而改变；如果一个人的伴侣容易焦虑并且在冲突中做出消极行为，那么即使冲突结束四小时后，他/她的皮质醇水平仍会居高不下。

These findings suggest that arguing with a partner who is already stressed could have lasting biological health effects for ourselves.

这些发现表明，与已经焦虑的伴侣发生争执可能会对我们的生理健康产生持久的不良影响。

Managing stress

缓解焦虑

Here are three ways you can reduce the stress in your relationship， during and after the holidays.

以下三种方法可以帮助缓解假期或假后的情感焦虑。

First， talk to and validate each other. Tell your partner you understand their feelings. Talk about them before they escalate. Sometimes partners hide problems to protect each other， but this can actually make things worse. Share your feelings， and when your partner shares in return， dont interrupt. Remember， feeling cared-for and understood by a partner is good for your emotional well-being and promotes healthier cortisol patterns， so being there for each other and listening to each other can have good health effects for both you and your partner.

首先，与对方交谈并彼此认同。表达对伴侣情绪的理解。在事态升级前进行沟通。有时伴侣们为了保护彼此而对问题避而不谈，但这其实会使情况恶化。要表达自己的感受，当另一半也向你倾诉时，不要打断。要记住，伴侣的关心和理解可以促进情绪健康及使皮质醇节律更加有序，因此相互陪伴和彼此倾听对你们双方的健康都有好处。

Next， show your love. Hug each other， hold hands and be kind. This too lowers cortisol and can make you feel happier. One study found that a satisfying relationship can even help improve vaccination response.

其次，表達爱意。相互拥抱、牵手、彼此善待，这也会降低皮质醇水平，增强愉悦感。有研究发现，一段幸福的感情甚至有助于减轻疫苗接种反应。

Then remind yourself that youre part of a team. Brainstorm solutions， be each others cheerleaders and celebrate the wins together. Couples who unite to tackle stress are healthier and more satisfied with their relationships. Some examples： Make dinner or run errands when your partner is stressed; relax and reminisce together; or try a new restaurant， dance or exercise class together.

最后，要提醒自己，你们是一个团队。凡事要一起想办法，互相加油打气，分享成功的喜悦。能共同应对焦虑的夫妻身体更健康，对婚姻也更满意。举几个例子：当伴侣感到焦虑时，你可以帮忙做饭或跑腿；一起放松，缅怀过往；一起去尝试新餐厅、一起参加舞蹈课或健身课。

That said， its also true that sometimes these steps arent enough. Many couples will still need help managing stress and overcoming difficulties. Couples therapy helps partners learn to communicate and resolve conflicts effectively. Its critical to be proactive and seek help from someone who is trained to deal with ongoing relationship difficulties.

话虽如此，有时仅凭这些方法还是不够。很多夫妻在应对焦虑和克服困难方面仍会需要帮助。夫妻疗法可以帮他们学会有效沟通并化解矛盾。积极主动寻求专业人士的帮助来解决当前的感情难题——这一点很重要。

So， tell your partner that youre there for them， preferably while youre hugging. Take each others stress seriously， and no more eyerolls. Its not so much the stress itself; its the way that both of you manage the stress together. Working as an open and honest team is the key ingredient to a healthy and happy relationship.

总之，告诉伴侣你会永远守护在他/她身边，最好是选在你们拥抱的时候这么做。认真对待彼此的焦虑，不再白眼相向。焦虑本身没那么重要，重要的是你们如何共同应对焦虑。像一个开诚布公的合作团队那样生活是婚姻健康幸福的关键。

（译者为“《英语世界》杯”翻译大赛获奖者）