江苏省连云港市罗阳中学九(2)班 周康杰
Many students are short of exercise in their spare time now.On the one hand,they have too much homework to do after school.On the other hand,they①probable have so many after-school classes such as piano classes and drawing classes.So there is no time for them to do exercise.
Less exercise is②harm to students.They are growing quickly,so they need to do more exercise to keep healthy.Even though they are too busy with their schoolwork,they still need to play sports to make their bodies strong.I think they had better③to exercise in their daily life.First,they can take a walk after dinner on weekdays.After all,it's bad for them to do homework at once after dinner.Second,they can go swimming on weekends.Swimming is a very good sport④but it doesn't need a long time.
All in all,students need to do exercise in their spare time.The more exercise they do,the better it is for them.
【教师点评】
1.文章亮点:
作者从“缺少运动甚至不运动的原因”、“缺少运动甚至不运动对学生产生的影响”和“针对这种现象提出的改善和建议”三个方面进行布局谋篇,并在文章的结尾处用两句话来总结全文。整篇文章条理清晰,语言流畅,是值得同学们借鉴的一篇范文。
2.完善建议:
①将probable改为probably。修饰动词have,要用副词probably。
②将harm改为harmful。be harmful to相当于do harm to,意为“对……有害”。
③将to exercise改为exercise。had better do sth.意为“最好做某事”。
④将but改为and。此处上下文是并列关系,不是转折关系。句意:游泳是一项非常好的运动,并且不需要花很长时间。