当妈妈觉得自己胖，请对她说你很美

文/Kasey Edwards 译/铖铖 绘/也圆

当妈妈觉得自己胖，请对她说你很美

文/Kasey Edwards 译/铖铖 绘/也圆

When Your Mother Says She's Fat

Dear Mum，

I was seven when I discovered that you were fat， ugly and horrible.

One night， we were dressed up for a party and you said to me， "Look at you， so thin，beautiful and lovely. And look at me， fat， ugly and horrible."

At first I didn't understand what you meant.

"You're not fat，" I said earnestly①earnestly 英 ［'ɜːnɪstlɪ］ adv. 认真地；诚挚地and innocently②innocently 美 ［'ɪnəsəntli］ adv. 纯洁地；无罪地， and you replied， "Yes I am， darling. I've always been fat； even as a child."

With every grimace③grimace 英 ［'ɡrɪməs； ɡrɪ'meɪs］ 美 ［ɡrɪ'mes］ vi. 扮鬼脸；作怪相；作苦相 n. 鬼脸；怪相；痛苦的表情at your reflection in the mirror， every new wonder diet that was going to change your life， and every guilty spoon of "Oh-I-really-shouldn't"，I learned that women must be thin to be valid and worthy. Girls must go without because their greatest contribution to the world is their physical beauty.

But now that I am older，and a mother myself， I know that blaming you for my body hatred is unhelpful and unfair. I now understand that you too are a product of a long and rich lineage of women who were taught to loathe themselves.

Before Dad left， he provided no balm④balm 英 ［bɑːm］ 美 ［bɑm］ n. 香油；镇痛软膏；香峰草，香树膏for your body-image torment either.

That night at dinner I watched you implement Dad's "Energy In， Energy Out: Jesus， Jan， Just Eat Less" weight-loss cure. You served up chow mein for dinner. Everyone else's food was on a dinner plate except yours. You served your chow mein on a tiny bread-and-butter plate.

Silent tears streamed down your face. I said nothing. We all ate our dinner in silence. Nobody comforted you. Nobody told you to stop being ridiculous and get a proper plate. Nobody told you that you were already loved and already good enough. Your achievements and your worth—as a teacher of children with special needs and a devoted⑥devoted 英 ［dɪ'votɪd］ 美 ［dɪ'votɪd］ adj. 献身的；忠诚的 v. 献身于……；致力于……（devote的过去分词）mother of three of your own—paled into insignificance when compared with the centimetres you couldn't lose from your waist.

But I was wrong， Mum. Now I understand what it's like to grow up in a society that tells women that their beauty matters most，and at the same time defines a standard of beauty that is perpetually⑦perpetually 美 ［pɚ'pɛtʃʊəli］ adv. 永恒地，持久地out of reach. I also know the pain of 9）internalising these messages. We have become our own jailors⑧jailor 英 ［'dʒeɪlə］ n. 狱卒；看守监狱的人and we 10）inflict our own punishments for failing to measure up. No one is as cruel to us as we are to ourselves.

But this madness has to stop，Mum. It stops with you， it stops with me and it stops now. We deserve better—better than to have our days brought to ruin by thoughts of our "bad bodies，" wishing we were otherwise.

Let us honour and respect our bodies for what they do instead of despising them for how they appear. We can focus on living healthy and active lives，letting our weight fall where it may， while consigning⑨consign 英 ［kən'saɪn］ 美 ［kən'saɪn］ vt. 交付；托运；寄存；把……委托给our body hatred⑩hatred 英 ［'heɪtrɪd］ 美 ［'hetrɪd］ n. 憎恨；怨恨；敌意to the past where it belongs. When I looked at that photo of you in the white bathing suit all those years ago，my innocent young eyes saw the truth. I saw unconditional love，beauty and wisdom. I saw my Mum.

Love， Kasey xx

亲爱的妈妈：

当我发现您又肥又丑又难看的时候，我七岁。

那天，我们为一个派对盛装打扮，您对我说：“看看你，多苗条啊，漂亮又可爱。看看我，又肥又丑又难看。”起初，我不明白您的话。

“您不肥，”我真心诚挚地说，但您却说：“我很肥，宝贝。我一直都很肥，就算是小时候也很肥。”

每一次您照镜子时的痛苦表情，每一种新的将要改变您人生的神奇节食方法，每一勺说着“噢，我真的不应该（吃）”并且满带罪恶感吃下的饭菜，我都明白到女性必须要纤瘦，那才是合情合理，有价值的。女孩子们必须习以为常，因为她们对这个世界最大的贡献就是体态美。

但如今，我年纪大了些，自己也当上了妈妈，我意识到将我自己对身体的不满归咎于您是毫无帮助，也是不公平的。我现在明白，漫长世代以来，无数女性一直被灌输着自嫌自厌的概念，而您也只是其中一个产物。

在爸爸离家之前，他也没有对您的体形之苦口下留情。

那天吃晚饭的时候，我看到您实践起爸爸的减肥疗法来了。您做了炒面作为晚饭。除了您，其他人的饭菜都盛在一个晚餐盘子上。您自己的那份炒面盛在一个很小的面包黄油碟子上。

无声的泪从您的脸上流了下来。我没有说话。我们所有人都无声地吃着自己的饭。没有人安慰您。没有人跟您说，别这么荒谬了，去换碟正经的饭菜吧。没有人告诉您，您已经很受人爱戴，已经做得够好的了。您的成就，您的价值——作为一位教育特殊儿童的老师和一个全心全意照顾三个子女的妈妈，这些与您无法从腰间减去的那几厘米相比，显得苍白失色，毫无意义。

但我错了，妈妈。现在我明白到，成长在这样一个社会是怎样一番滋味，这个社会灌输给女性的观念是，她们的美才是最重要的，并且同时制定出一个几乎让人无法企及的“美”的标准。我也知道这些信息牢套于心的痛苦。我们将自己投入到囹圄之中，我们惩罚自己达不到标准。我们对待自己的残忍程度，无人能及。

但这种疯狂必须停止，妈妈。从您身上停止，从我身上停止，从现今起停止。我们值得拥有更好的生活——我们认为自己“体态不堪”，渴望有所不同，这种想法把我们的生活给毁了，我们应该过得更好。

让我们为身体的“真我本色”致以尊重和敬意，而不是因为它们的形态对其肆意轻视。我们可以关注于过上健康而活跃的生活，让体重顺其自然地降下来，而把我们对身体的仇恨交托给逝去的过往。多年前，当我看着您穿着白色泳衣时的照片，我那双天真无邪的眼睛看出了真谛。我看到了无条件的爱、美和智慧。我看到了我的妈妈。

爱您的，凯西（亲亲您）