What Would You Do if You Meet Trouble?

2015-05-22 00:55姜经志
中学生英语·中考指导版 2015年5期
关键词:行文流畅比较级高级教师

姜经志

男,中学英语高级教师、安徽省骨干教师、淮北市优秀教师、中国外语学习研究会会员、《中学生英语》特约编委、《学英语》和《英语周报》特约编辑。多年来,在省级以上报刊发表文章800余篇,并有多篇论文获奖;曾主编《初中生英语满分作文大全》、《英语奥林匹克》、《新目标英语八年级暑假作业》,参编《高中英语知识点反馈与阅读》、《初中英语题典大全》、《21世纪英语学习指南》等;多次辅导学生在国家和省级英语竞赛中获奖。

If you meet trouble, may be① your heart sinks at once or you feel its so unfair to you in the world. But you shouldnt think so. Other living things have much② troubles than you. If you dont believe this, please look at the little grass.

When he just comes up, groups of naughty boys play football with③ him. They break his body, but he doesnt mind. He grows up even faster. When he is growing, people place a lot of rubbish on his head. He tries his best to grow up to look for sunlight. After a few days, you will find the green grass has grown a lot of④ and each blade is pointing toward the sun and laughing.

The river runs brave⑤ forever. She rushes over the large stones on her way. She goes through the hills and forests and goes farther and farthest⑥. At last, she gets to the sea.

Dear friends, dont be afraid or sad if you meet trouble. You should try your best to overcome it.

1. 优点:

小作者的这篇文章以物为证,阐述道理,所列举的物证既有微不足道的小草,也有雷霆万钧的江河,说服力很强。文章思路清晰、通俗易懂,有极强的感染力。语言表达较为准确,语义连贯、完整,行文流畅。

2. 需要修改的地方:

①此处应改为maybe。maybe是副词,意为“也许”。

②此处应改为more。因为该处表示比较,应用比较级。

③此处应改为on。因为孩子们踢足球是在草地上。

④此处应改为a lot。a lot在此作状语。

⑤此处应改为bravely。副词修饰动词作状语。

⑥此处应改为farther。“比较级+and+比较级”表示“越来越……”,是固定结构。

3. 评分:

按中考英语作文满分20分的标准,本文修改前可得17分。

安徽省濉溪县四铺中心学校  ; 刘赛

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