英语考试优秀范文赏析——兼谈英语作文考试中框架搭建与修辞变换

潘宗桃

（九江学院 外国语学院，江西 九江 332005）

一、引言

在当今的中国大学教育中，参加大学英语四、六级考试成为今天大学生的必有经历，而获得英语四、六级证书也是证明自己英语能力为日后大学生们找工作所必需。而一方面，随着中国学生出国留学热的持续高涨，参加托福（TOEFL）或雅思考试的学生也是与日俱增。无论是大学英语四、六级考试，还是各种出国留学考试，英语命题作文都是必考的，也是学生最难获得高分的科目之一。

然而，从考试设置作文考题的目的出发，是为了考察学生实际综合运用英语的能力，学生无论是在日常的英语写作运用中，还是在考试的临场发挥中，都可以通过有意识的文章布局、设置层次等方法写出一篇好的作文。

二、英语考试范文

下面给出一篇考试范文来进行分析。这是一篇参加托福考试的考生写的满分作文，其布局谋篇相当出色，采用的修辞手法也非常丰富，很值得借鉴，该篇考试的作文题目为：

Some intensive English programs in the Unite States offer a foreign student the option of living with an American family while he or she is studying abroad.Many students feel that such a home-stay program is a valuable part of their total learning experience.However,others may feel that such a plan offers little value.In a short essay,discuss this program and tell whether you are in favor of or opposed to the idea of home-stay.Give examples to support your opinion.

考试作文范文全文如下：

A foreign student who plans to come to the United States must have some definite goals in mind.For the student who wants to improve his English quickly and learn about American customs firsthand,there is often and opportunity to live with an American family.There may be one or two disadvantages of this living arrangement;however,I believe that there are far more advantages.

First of all,some minor disadvantages of living with an American family include both a lack of privacy and little opportunity to be independent.For instance,the foreign student may find that the family expects him to join them in group activities such as watching television and going on picnics.At times,however,he might enjoy staying in his room to read or to write letters to his family and friends.Another drawback of living in an American home involves the possibility that the family may treat the student like a child.For example,the parents may want to decide who his friends will be and where he will go during his leisure time away from home.

Even though there may be one or two disadvantages of living with an American family,the advantages far outweigh them.By taking part in a home-stay program,the student has an excellent opportunity to learn about American customs.He will find out how to behave in different social situations such as parties and ceremonies and how to dress on these occasions.Also,he will learn about many other aspects of the American way of life,such as the way schools are run in the United States.With a family close by,he can ask questions about attendance rules and school costs.The family will make certain that he becomes acquainted with this new way of life,and soon he will feel at home.

Another advantage of living with an American family is that the student is in an ideal environment to improve his English.For example,each time he has a conversation with someone in the family,this native speakercan help him with his pronunciation and grammar.Maybe the younger children in the family can help the student with his homework,too.But the most important thing is that he will be surrounded by English most of the time during his stay in the United States.

Although Iagree thatthere may be a couple of disadvantages of living with an American family,I feel that the advantages are more obvious.In a home-stay program,the student can learn about American customs in the most natural way possible.In addition,he will find himself in an atmosphere in which his English will certainly improve.In my opinion,there are the two most important goals for him to consider,and living with an American family is the best way to achieve them.

三、范文具体分析

首先我们来看第一段：

A foreign student who plans to come to the United States must have some definite goals in mind.For the student who wants to improve his English quickly and learn about American customs firsthand,there is often and opportunity to live with an American family.There may be one or two disadvantages of this living arrangement;however,I believe that there are far more advantages.

考生以留学生到美国学习的两个目的——提高英语水平与学习美国文化为引子，直接紧扣主题并表明了自己对“home-stay program” 的 观 点 ：There may be one or two disadvantages of this living arrangement;however,I believe that there are far more advantages.对于考题要求针对某一特定问题进行讨论的作文，最忌讳的是作者没有自己的观点，洋洋洒洒写了一大通，却无法让人知道其想表达的思想，本范文第一段是一种很标准的写法，特别是采用了 “There may be….however，I believe…”这种有让步的观点来表明自己的立场，更使其观点增加了让人信服的说服力。

值得一提的是，有些学生在遇到此类议论文的写作题时，上来第一句就是“I agree…”或“I don’t agree with…”这种直白的语句，而本篇范文的开头是采用于外国学生到美国学习的两个目的为引子，再引出文章的主题并表明自己的观点，使之不显突兀。

First of all,some minor disadvantages of living with an American family include both a lack of privacy and little opportunity to be independent.For instance,the foreign student may find that the family expects him to join them in group activities such as watching television and going on picnics.At times,however,he might enjoy staying in his room to read or to write letters to his family and friends.Another drawback of living in an American home involves the possibility that the family may treat the student like a child.For example,the parents may want to decide who his friends will be and where he will go during his leisure time away from home.

文章的第二段先从参加“home-stay program”的一些缺点进行铺垫，包括“lack of privacy”“lack of little opportunity to be independent” 两个方面， 然而， 作者使用了“minor disadvantages”来说明这些缺点是次要的而非主要的方面，为后面对参加“home-stay program”带来的优点主要方面埋下伏笔。此段中，作者分层次对“lack of privacy”和“lack of little opportunity to be independent”两个方面进行了展开，既举出了“the family expects him to join them in group activities”这样的例子，又给出了 “such as watching television and going on picnics”这样的细节，使层次感突显。

在该段中，作者还采用了一种很好的写作手法——并列法，“lack of privacy”与“lack of little opportunity to be independent”；“such as watching television”与“going on picnics”；“his family”与“friends”等，这些大量并列的词、短语的运用不但使文章中的句型显得丰满，而且为后续的进一步展开和接续提供了更大的空间。

Even though there may be one or two disadvantages of living with an American family,the advantages far outweigh them.By taking part in a home-stay program,the student has an excellent opportunity to learn about American customs.He will find out how to behave in different social situations such as parties and ceremonies and how to dress on these occasions.Also,he will learn about many other aspects of the American way of life,such as the way schools are run in the United States.With a family close by,he can ask questions about attendance rules and school costs.The family will make certain that he becomes acquainted with this new way of life,and soon he will feel at home.

一般情况下，英语作文在介绍情况、引出主题后，接下来就应该围绕主题和中心思想的各个方面进行阐述、说明、扩展。

本篇范文的第三段为中心部分，开始正面阐明作者的观点 ： “Even though there may be one or two disadvantages of living with an American family,the advantages far outweigh them.”并从两方面进行论述参加“home-stay program”的优点：一是 “has an excellent opportunity to learn about American customs”， 二 是 “will learn about many other aspects of the American way of life”。同样地，作者对上面的两个方面又给出了更具体的细节例证：“will find out how to behave in different social situations”——“such as parties and ceremonies”。 可见表达的层次非常分明，使文章有理有据地逐层展开论证，逻辑性强而条理清晰。

从此段可以看出，考生对于文章的展开形式使用的是举例法中的多例法[1]，也即用两个或两个以上的例子去支持自己的观点而且由点到面，点面结合使文章的扩展部分具有一定的宽度和深度，并增加了例子的可信度。

Another advantage of living with an American family is that the student is in an ideal environment to improve his English.For example,each time he has a conversation with someone in the family,this native speakercan help him with his pronunciation and grammar.Maybe the younger children in the family can help the student with his homework,too.But the most important thing is that he will be surrounded by English most of the time during his stay in the United States.

如果说前面第三段的内容是用来说明第一段中“learn about American customs”的话，那么本文第四段显然是用来与第一段中的“to improve his English quickly”相呼应的。可见作者在整篇文章的布局上有很清晰的框架，这一点尤其难能可贵，因为很多参加考试的考生在临场状况下，经常是见树不见林，往往缺乏这种整体把控布局能力。到了文章第四段不难看出，除了前面分析过的采用并列法进行丰富写作外，作者还采用了变换修辞法，其中本段中的“is in an ideal environment to”与第三段中的“has an excellent opportunity to”实际上都是对“can”的一种变换修辞，使语言立显生动而富有变化，丰富性大大增强。

Although Iagree thatthere may be a couple of disadvantages of living with an American family,I feel that the advantages are more obvious.In a home-stay program,the student can learn about American customs in the most natural way possible.In addition,he will find himself in an atmosphere in which his English will certainly improve.In my opinion,there are the two most important goals for him to consider,and living with an American family is the best way to achieve them.

结尾的最后一段，对前面的观点进行了总结：“In a home-stay program,the student can learn about American customs in the most natural way possible.In addition,he will find himself in an atmosphere in which his English will certainly improve.” 而本段中的 “Although I agree that there may be a couple of disadvantages of living with an American family,I feel that the advantages are more obvious”一句又分别与第三段中的“Even though there may be one or two disadvantages of living with an American family,the advantages far outweigh them”及第一段中的“I believe that there are far more advantages”遥相呼应，构成本篇范文的主旋律。

这种变换方式重申自己观点的写法也提供了一种很好的借鉴。

此外，这篇文章在每一段的开头分别采用了“First of all”“Even though”“Another advantage of…”等连接关系词与词组，使得段落之间的衔接自然流畅。

四、英语写作考试中的整体布局与修辞变化

在英语写作考试中，议论文是出现频率最高的一种，要求考生以摆事实、讲道理、发表议论的方式完成作文，也即要求有论点、论据与论证。因此作文通篇的整体布局尤为重要，本篇优秀范文在第一段以外国学生到美国学习的两个主要目的为引了，导到自己对“home-stay program”的观点“I believe that there are far more advantages”，然后先用让步的手法简单说明了“home-stay program”的某些次要的不利一面，再用二个中心段落以丰富的例子论证了自已的观点，最后一段再次变换形式表明了自己的观点。通篇文章结构层次清晰、观点鲜明。

另一方面，在英语写作考试中，巧妙地使用一些固定句式和过渡词语，不仅可增强文章表达效果，而且能很好地实现形式与内容的统一。本篇范文中在各段落中先后使用的“I believe that there are far more advantages”、“First of all,some minor disadvantages of…”、“Even though there may be…,the advantages far outweigh them”、“Another advantage of…”就很好地体现了这种运用效果，便文章整体脉络清晰可见。

一篇优秀的英文写作，贵在整体逻辑性强，同时又能实现文字表达的灵活多样性。Variety is spice of writing.（写作富于变化才会妙笔生花。）所谓变化，一是避免相同的文字在文章中反复使用，二是追求富有新意、充满活力的表达。因此可从词汇与句法两个方面把握。

（一）词汇的丰富多彩

英语词汇讲究生动，富于变化。如果在文中需要不止一次表达同一概念，应使用各种同义词以达到殊途同归的目的。如表达 “得到一份职位”， 可以相继使用 find，win，accept，land，secure，等动词和 position搭配。 再如，动词 advance，produce，propose，come up with，put forward 等皆可以和 plan 搭配，表达“提出计划”。追求词汇的灵活多样还要注意少用万能单词，而代之以具体词汇。例如，句子 “The incident made me recall one of my past experiences” 中的 “made me recall” 即可换为“reminded me of”；而句子“The program makes me know a lot about foreign countries”则可改写为“The program informs me of a lot about foreign countries”[2]。

（二）句法的变化

中国学生写英文句子时习惯于用指人的名词开头，导致句子在形式上千人一面、缺少变化。英语句子的开头方式应不拘一格。追求句法方面的多样化，关键在于学会用灵活的方式开开头。例如，句子“He says one thing but does another”就可改写为 “What he does is not consistent with what he says”；再如“We know very little about the nature of human beings”以人称开头的句子，完全可以改为无主语形式 “Little is known about the nature of human beings”；同样地，下面一句的以人称开头的句子 “Many people think birth control is essential in China” 换为 “It is widely held that birth control is essential in China”这种It形式主语句显得更自然些。

五、结语

本篇英语写作范文布局合理、例证丰富，语言表达丰富多彩且行文流畅，实为一篇难得的好作文。

英文写作考试，尤其是对议论文写作，考生遇到的最大困难往往是不能搭建出较好的整体框架，即使有了文章整体框架，又不能围绕论点深入讨论展开，论据也不够充分。而通过以上对一篇优秀英语考试范文的解析，可以看出，只要注意议论文的表达特点，充分运用词汇、句法的变化，遵从句型多样化原则，使文章长短句搭配合理，就能写出一篇层次分明、语言衔接好，且例证细节丰富、语言富有变化的好作文。

[1]于万锁，朱婷.英文写作常见问题与对策[M].上海科学技术出版社，2008，（10）：153.

[2]胡敏.2010考研英语高分作文[M].北京：高等教育出版社，2009，（2）：239-240.