舞文弄墨

编者按：新年伊始，很多朋友来稿跟我们分享了自己的新年计划。由于版面有限，在此精心挑选了四篇优秀文章，并随文附上外编的点评。愿各位在新的一年中心想事成！言必行，行必果，实现所有的new year resolution！

上期主题：My New Year Resolution

上海 Vera Liu

This year, I wanna be a better person.

I will continue to love my beloved families; take care of them, and appreciate very minute while staying with them. My old father has spent fifties years working for difficult life since he was a little, innocent boy. As his younger daughter I can do nothing for him except to repay him with my love, time and care. Also I will give my mother, the woman I admire deeply and mostly, a bunch of delicate flowers. All these years I wish to see her laughter from time to time, which can light my heart and bring me courage.

I plan to work harder and prove who I am. Work is work, which deserves all my attention and passion if I refuse to fall into dust. Day by day I promise myself to be a better employee who can handle things handsomely and patiently.

Finally, I decide to find my Mr. Charming with all my efforts. Maybe he has been feeding his white horse all these years in the corner of a vast plain. Or maybe he just got lost on the way to me, not because I am such a weird girl, absolutely not.

In the coming new year, I just wanna show a new refreshed face in front the whole world and tell every one there Im OK.

外编点评：作者语法运用能力很强，行文清晰自然，但是也有一些复数方面的错误，例如，应该是“my beloved family”、“fifty years”。另外，“deeply and mostly”应该改成“most deeply”或者“the deepest”。“…find my Mr. Charming with all my efforts”的说法有点奇怪，改成“put all my effort into finding my Mr. Charming”会更好。最后需要提到的是，“wanna”一般只用在口语中，除非刻意模仿口语对话否则书面中应该用“want to”。

华南师范大学 王海英

It was not until I put on my coat, gloves and boots did I realized the year 2008 was at an end. It seems that time goes without signs and it is time for me to make a resolution for next year. First of all, I'd like to do more reading to broaden my horizon as reading is some kind of relaxation. Then, I wish I could go traveling on my own to an extremely cold place, such as Tibet or northeastern China. Traveling offers me a great chance to fall in love with nature. Finally, I hope my Mr. Right would come up quickly and enjoy college life with me in the coming years. Need not to be very handsome or wealthy, just the one who loves me and I love him. I hope everyone would gather here and make a resolution for the New Year.

外编点评：一篇不错的小文章，但是也有些问题。首先，很多连词漏用或用法不当，例如，应该是“that I realized the year 2008 was at an end”，漏掉了that；如果想用强调句式的话，应该是“did I realize the year 2008 was at an end.”， 使用动词原形。此外还有一些时态问题，例如，从过去时态（I realized）转到现在时态（time goes），因此用“time had gone by”会更好一些。“Without signs”用在这里有点别扭，更合适的说法是“without my noticing”。另外，一些句子需要精简一下，例如将“Traveling offers me a great chance...”改成“Travelling lets me fall in love with nature.”最后，倒数第二句丢掉了人称代词He，改成“He doesn't have to be…”会更好。

厦门 Ivy Ling

The 2008 has passed as quickly as my college life only half year left. At then end of every year, I always thank the time past and value what they taught me. But there always are something attracting and challenging ahead. As the coming year is so important to me, I do not want to put too much pressure on myself as anyone else does. The New Year resolution will be a new hair style and getting a new ear pierced. My hair style has stayed the same in the past college life. I felt I spent so much attention in study, in future planning, but so less in my looking. Even without any boyfriend, I still hope to be elegant, beautiful and confident girl. The second resolution will be taking more pictures of my daily life. Too busy life forces me to forget too many wonderful memory, which makes me sad. The pictures will definitely help me to refresh the memory I cherish.

外编点评：这篇文章漏用了一些关键的连词和冠词，例如“has only half a year left”，丢掉了动词has 和冠词a ；“to be an elegant, beautiful, and confident girl”丢掉了冠词an。英语中“大学生活”一般不用college life来形容，所以文中的句子最好改成“I only have half a year left at college”和“my hairstyle has stayed the same throughout college”。另外一些词没有使用复数形式，例如“times past”和“too many wonderful memories”。最后“getting a new ear pierced”会引起歧义，应该说成“getting my ears pierced”或者“getting a new ear piercing”。

北京Shirley Kang

Change minds, change the world

- My New Year Resolution

When it comes to the change of my life in next year, I would say it is becoming a more independent person.

As a graduate student, major in finance, I have to face the present financial crisis and try my best to find a job in this society which is full of challenges and fierce competition. On the other hand, one of my friends told me: attitude is everything. What is 'Crisis' in Chinese? One part of the meaning is 'Danger'; the other is 'Opportunity'. The optimistic people always look at the bright side of life. Why not take advantage of the financial crisis and improve yourself?

Opportunity favors the minds that are prepared! For the severe job hunting situation that many students experiencing, I would like finding my advantages and disadvantages more clearly and figuring out what kind of position is more suitable for me. Due to the crisis, more and more people are rational than before. But I think we still have confidence to the future. Sometimes we might need to see something through colored spectacles. Change our minds, we would find the world is always beautiful.

外编点评：文章欠缺一点新意，但是还不错。本文也漏用了一些词，例如结尾处应该是“should still have confidence in the future”和“If we change our minds”，丢掉了“should”和“if”。有些地方表达不当，可以精简，例如“找到适合自己的工作”应该改说成figure out a suitable position for myself；文章第一句则可以修改成“The main change I want to make next year is becoming more independent”，主语是“我”，因此不必再强调person。最后需要说明的是建议不要用“but”作为句子的开头，but作为关联词，一般连接两个具有对比意思的并列分句。

下期主题：My Favorite Dish

过年的时候最不可或缺的就是美食了。赶紧来《舞文弄墨》跟大家分享一下您最喜欢的一道菜是怎么做出来的吧！

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