“三点两线一整体”读后续写模式演练——助人为乐类

张 建 崔保林

（山东省枣庄市第二中学）

阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。续写的词数应为150 左右。

Once，when I was a teenager my father and I were standing in line to buy tickets for the circus.Finally there was only one family between the ticket counter and us.

This family made a big impression on me.There were eight children，all probably under the age of twelve.You could tell they didn’t have a lot of money.Their clothes were not expensive，but they were clean.The children were well-behaved，all of them standing in line，two-by-two behind their parents，holding hands.They were excitedly talking about the clowns，elephants and other acts they would see that night with their brothers or sisters in a low voice.One could sense they had never been to the circus before.It promised to be a highlight of their young lives.

The father and mother were at the head of the line，standing proud as they could be.The mother was holding her husband’s hand，looking up at him as if to say“You are my knight in shining armor.”He was smiling and responding in pride，looking back at her as if to say“You got that right.”

The ticket lady asked the father how many tickets he wanted.He proudly responded，“Please let me buy eight children’s tickets and two adults’ so I can take my family to the circus.”

The ticket lady gave the price.The man’s wife let go of his hand，lowered her head and her lips began to shake.The father leaned a little closer and asked,“How much did you say ?”The ticket lady told him the price again.The man obviously didn’t have enough money.

How was he supposed to turn and tell his eight children that he didn’t have enough money to take them to the circus? Actually we were not wealthy in one sense，so I understood how the kids would feel.I felt sorry for them.

Paragraph 1:

Seeing what was going on，my father seemed to have an idea._____________________________________

Paragraph 2:

Then my father and I went back home.________________________________________________________

写作过程

1.故事梗概

根据四要素（when，where，who，what)提取相关信息

2.情节构思（plot line）,基于下列提示问题给出可能用到的关键表达

（1）构思第一段情节

• What was my father’s idea?

• How did my father carry out his idea?

• What was the man’s reaction to my father’s help?

（2）构思第二段情节

• What did I say to my father?

• What did my father say to me?

3.主题升华（theme line）,基于下列提示问题给出可能用到的关键表达

• What did my father think of helping others?

• How did I feel about my father’s kind act?

4.开始写作

• Seeing what was going on，my dad seemed to have an idea.

_________________________________________________________________________

• Then my father and I went back home.

_________________________________________________________________________

Suggested answers

1.故事梗概

when: once

where: at the ticket counter

who: a family with eight children,my father,I,the ticket lady

what: When my father and I were standing in line to buy tickets for the circus,another family couldn’t afford to buy enough tickets,which made us sorry for them.

2.情节构思(plot line)

(1) 构思第一段情节

• lend them a hand in a proper way

• pull out a $ 50 bill and drop it on the ground,ask the man to pick up the money

• the man,with grateful tears sparkling in his eyes,shake hands with my father

(2)构思第二段情节

• I asked,“ Dad,we are not rich,but why did you do this?”

• He replied,“We should be grateful for what we have and seize the opportunity to help those who need help.”

(3)主题升华(theme line)

• responsible,meaningful,should be willing to help others

• set a good example to me and make a big difference to my future

解析：

根据“三点两线一整体”模式来构思续写思路。

1.立足“三点”，确定情节线（plot line）

（1）第一点：故事梗概，即提炼所给阅读文本的主要内容，根据记叙文的四大要素（when，where，who，what）来提取主要内容情节并分析相关人物的心理活动。

通过阅读给出的语段和信息提取，得出故事梗概：“我”和爸爸在排队买马戏团的票，看到一个带着8 个孩子的父亲，他在买票时钱不够，爸爸决定帮助他买票，让他的孩子们实现愿望。本文主题语境属于“人与社会”。很多情况下，所给阅读文本的最后一段往往蕴含大量的有效信息，对后面两段的续写有很强的导向作用。

（2）第二点和第三点分别是所给续写两段的段首句，在写作时需要将这两点结合在一起来思考。第一段首句Seeing what was going on，my dad seemed to have an idea.说明爸爸已经有想法来帮助这家人。再通过第二段首句Then my father and I went back home.说明上一段爸爸已经成功实施了帮助这一家人买票的想法。又通过第二段的提示可以看出，本段的情节内容应该为：在回家路上，“我”与爸爸的言语交流及主题升华。每一段的情节可以根据故事发展的方向进行详细叙述，具体的故事细节也不必一致，只要能自圆其说即可。

在这里需要注意的是，续写部分不能是前文的简单重复，而是要充分利用之前的信息来创造续写内容，续写部分在内容上与前文要自然衔接，不能显得突兀和生硬或出现情节断层。

通过以上“三点”的信息提取与加工，文章的情节线（plot line）就确定了。情节线（plot line）示意如下：

Paragraph 1 ：

2.确定主旨线（theme line）

在设定好续写文章的情节线（plot line）之后，接下来要设定文章的主旨线（theme line）。通过对语篇的整体理解可以看出，本文是“人与社会”主题下的“助人”话题。从给出文章的最后一段可以看出，“我”对这一家人的情况表示理解和同情，接下来爸爸对他们的帮助也符合“我”的心理预期，“我”也非常支持爸爸的善行。续写第二段着重写“我”与爸爸的言语和情感交流，一步步引出本文的主旨线——Father’s helping others made a big difference to me.主旨线（theme line)示意如下：

3.利用“两线”合成完整语篇（一整体）

将以上所讲的“三点两线”综合起来可以确定文章的写作思路。然后，在续写的两段中加入适当的细节描写，如“我”的心理活动、爸爸等人的动作与语言描写等，丰富故事情节，增强故事张力。参考范文如下：

Seeing what was going on，my father seemed to have an idea.“Let’s lend them a hand,”My father said to me.He pulled out a $ 50 bill from his pocket and dropped it on the ground.Then my father deliberately reached down，picked up the bill and tapped the man on the shoulder and said,“Sir，you have lost your money.”The man turned around at the$ 50 bill and looked up at my father with grateful tears sparkling in his eyes.He shook hands with my father tightly，and said,“Thank you，sir! I really know what this means for my whole family.”

Then my father and I went back home.Although we failed to see the circus，we were very peaceful and proud.A shining smile spread across my father’s face and I was overwhelmed with happiness.I asked my father,“ Dad,we are not rich,but why did you do this?”He replied,“We should be grateful for what we have and seize the opportunity to help those who need help.”What he said and what he did set a good example for me and made a big difference to my future.

小结：按照“三点两线一整体”的模式来设计续写内容的行文思路。第一段重点写爸爸如何实现帮助他人的想法以及男人在被帮助后的反应；给出语段和续写第一段衔接自然，情节合理。第二段重点写“我”和爸爸在回家路上的交流和此事对“我”的积极影响，升华主题；最后一句的点睛之笔充分体现了文章的主旨线——Father’s helping others made a big difference to me.