品名著角色眼神刻画，学读后续写情感表达

广东 王君华

针对读后续写这一综合题型，情感描写的微技能培养一直是教学的重难点。正所谓，读书破万卷，下笔如有神。所以笔者尝试在教学中，紧密结合名著导读，通过以读带写的方式，引导学生鉴赏经典作品，从而学习润色句子。本文通过解析近年来高考英语真题中对“眼睛”的描写，展示名著《秘密花园》（The Secret Garden）和《傲慢与偏见》(Pride and Prejudice)中对“眼睛”的经典刻画，探索文本亮点，归纳句式特点，提炼写作微技能。

一、教学重难点及切入点

1.教学重难点：掌握刻画眼睛的三个常用方式，包括经典句式和常考词汇：（1）shining/sparkling/twinkling/glittering eyes（2）eyes sparkle/shine/twinkle/glitter with excitement/pleasure/delight/determination（3）too terrified/scared to open one’s eyes，with eyes wide open。

2.笔者展示青春偶像鞠婧祎的照片，请学生描述她的美貌。可预知的学生答案：She is beautiful.此类描述在读后续写中属于to tell 而非to show 的方式，表达太宽泛，人物描写也不够生动，难以让人产生画面感。笔者展示英语歌曲Just the Way You Are 中的歌词“Her eyes,her eyes make the stars look like they are not shining.Her hair,her hair falls perfectly without her trying.She’s so beautiful.”。歌曲先刻画闪亮的眼睛和完美的秀发等细节，使人物形象跃然纸上，最后的“She’s so beautiful.”就显得自然有力。而shining 一词，既可以修饰stars，也可以通过比喻来修饰eyes，闪亮灵动的眼睛，给读者留下深刻的印象。

二、归纳名著地道表达

笔者通过解析三篇高考读后续写真题，结合经典英语作品，归纳展示描写眼睛的地道表达。

【例1】（2020 年1 月浙江卷，读后续写）Para 1:Dad opened the box and a sweet little dog appeared.It has shining/______________________ dark eyes.

笔者直接设计补全句子的练习，引导学生思考小狗眼睛的特点和寻找刻画小狗眼睛的突破口。然后笔者运用归纳法进行教学，展示储备材料，引导学生探索亮点词汇：（1）童谣 Twinkle,Twinkle,Little Star 中的歌词“Twinkle,twinkle,little star.How I wonder what your are.”；（2）经典名著《威尼斯商人》The Merchant of Venice 中的名句“All thatglittersis not gold.”；（3）经典名著《傲慢与偏见》里对班纳特太太眼睛的刻画“Mrs.Bennet’s eyessparkled.‘A gentleman and a stranger! It is Mr.Bingley.’”。通过对语境和语义的解读可知，其中的动词twinkle,glitter 和sparkle 都是shine 的同义词。再结合范例词shining 的形式变化，学生不难总结出twinkling/glittering/sparkling 都可修饰eyes，意为“闪亮的”。类似的“发光”词，表面上刻画了眼睛的状态，实际上折射出角色的心灵。

【例2】（2017 年11 月浙江卷，读后续写）Para 1:The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us.

同上，笔者设计补全句子的练习，引导学生思考人物的情绪，并直接利用上例中的关键词twinkle，通过同词复现的方式，增强学习的连贯性。“Why not just make full use of the tent and go camping?”asked Dad.We winked at Mom,finding her eyes twinkling ___________________.同上例，笔者运用归纳法，展示储备材料，引导学生探索亮点词汇：经典名著《傲慢与偏见》里对班纳特太太眼睛的刻画“Mrs.Bennet’s eyessparkled with pleasure,and she was eagerly calling out,while her daughter read the letter from the gentleman.”。通过对语境和语义的解读可知，sparkle 可作为谓语动词来刻画眼睛的动态，再利用with 加名词（如excitement,pleasure,delight,determination）的复合结构来描写情绪状态。所以，结合考题中的结构和语境可知，设空处可填 with excitement/eagerness 等。在例1 的“发光”词汇的基础上，例2 的结构加上with 复合结构中具体的情绪词，人物的内心活动就被展示得淋漓尽致。

小结前两例中的“发光”词汇可知，该类词汇适用于积极正面的语境，如例1 中展示对小狗的喜爱。而例3 将为学生展示对消极负面情绪下的眼睛的刻画。

【例3】(2017 年6 月浙江卷，读后续写) ...As they got closer,they realized that the dog was a wolf.Mac heard a large vehicle behind him.He pulled in front of it as the wolf was catching up fast,just a dozen yards away now.

分析语境可知，这段话并没有传递出对wolf 的喜爱或者期待，所以上例中的词汇并不是最优选择。笔者也借此提醒学生，没有万能的词汇，只有合适的语境。这个故事中传递出来的“害怕”，将在以下两个句子中得到体现。

(1) Mac was too terrified to ___________________.

(2) Suddenly,Mac let out a scream of terror with eyes____________.The wolf was almost catching up!

句（1）中的too...to 结构浅显易懂，根据语境学生不难得出答案open his eyes。通过too...to 结构强化其中的情感词，加上open 这一动作，动静结合，使描写更生动自然。句（2）同上例，笔者运用归纳法，展示储备材料，引导学生探索亮点词汇：With my eyes wide open,I’m dreaming.—Patti Page；Counting days with eyes wide open.—Wild Nothing 两句歌词都使用了with eyes wide open 这一复合结构，使句子更有层次感，通过“瞪大眼睛”来流露出内心的感受。

总结例3 可知，眼睛的闭合之间，也是心灵感受的流露时刻，抓住这个细节，有助于突破对角色的刻画。除了“害怕”而瞪大眼睛，笔者还引导学生结合实际，得出“好奇、惊讶、怀疑”等语境也适用于该句式。

三、模仿名著实践操练

（1）（2018 年6 月浙江卷，读后续写）Para 1:Suddenly a little rabbit jumped out in front of my horse.分析语境可知，作者的感受是“喜爱”和“惊讶”。因此，笔者设计了以下2 个补全句子的练习，帮助学生强化结构运用，使其关注语法细节。

I yelled out loud with eyes ___________ (sparkle) with terrific excitement.（答案：sparkling）

I yelled out loud with eyes ___________(open),hoping to catch the rabbit as the reward of my trip.（答案：wide open）

（2）借助名著《秘密花园》中对人物眼睛的描写，设计填空练习。笔者认为，读写不分家，教师可以鼓励学生尝试从写作的角度去刻画角色，通过与原著进行对比，使学生体会其中的写作精妙之处。在这一练习之前，笔者对该小说作简要的介绍，同时展示主要角色的图片以增强画面感，便于学生了解他们的性格特点和故事线索。以下为原著中的经典句子，画线词在课堂中被挖空，要求学生填空，答案可以是开放的，但教师依然要引导学生体会原句的地道表达和细腻刻画。

①Dickon had stood listening to the lecture,his round eyes shining with curious delight.

round 一词和下文的curious 相呼应，画面自然生动。

②His eyes twinkled and secretly he was pleased.

twinkled 与下文的secretly 表里结合，眼里有光，心中窃喜。

③Dickon stopped weeding and sat up on his heels to tell her the story.His eyes were twinkling with fun.

fun 一词作为补充，紧随上文的stopped...to tell her the story，故事的趣味已经在眼里透露。

④She had large laughing eyes.(Mary’s mother)

结合图片及角色介绍，提供关键词laugh，可让学生迁移sparkle 等词作定语时的词性变化，推理得出laughing修饰名词。

⑤ She was a stout（结 实 的）woman,with very red cheeks and sharp black eyes.(Mrs.Medlock)

⑥Her eyes had a sharp,curious look.(Mary)

⑦Dickon’s curious blue eyes grew rounder and rounder.

⑤⑥⑦3 个例子均提供故事配图，让学生用最贴切的词来刻画眼睛。⑥⑦中均出现了curious 一词，结合故事情节，引导学生体会故事人物的心理感受，再将人物的心理感受表露到其眼神中。

⑧Color glowed(发光) in his face and his strange eyes widened with joyfulness.

⑨Colin watched them with widening eyes.

⑧⑨两个例子是互相推断的两个知识点，with 这个结构可以从课堂中的sparkle with 加名词的表达中得出。而⑧中的widened 一词则让学生推断出wide 一词的形式变化及用法，从而推断出⑨中的widening，既是考查动词形式的变化，也是让学生体会角色心理变化的动态过程。用动词的进行时态来体现时刻变化的情绪情感。

四、作业设计

1.阅读《秘密花园》第一章的结尾部分，尝试分析画线部分的语义和写作技巧。

2.尝试挖掘出其他的写作技巧，并加以分类整理。

作业范例：（上文简介）Mary,a little girl whose parents died of Cholera and now was alone in her big house,wondering what had happened...

原著展示：

Mary was standing in the middle of the nursery when they opened the door a few minutes later.She looked an ugly,cross little thing and was ①frowningbecause she was beginning to be hungry and feel disgracefully neglected.The first man who came in was a large officer she had once seen talking to her father.He looked tired and troubled,but when he saw her he was ②so startled that he almost jumped back.

“Barney!”he cried out.“There is a child here! A child alone! In a place like this! Mercy on us,who is she!”

“I am Mary Lennox,”the little girl said,③drawing herself up stiffly.She thought the man was very rude to call her father’s bungalow “A place like this!”“I fell asleep when everyone had the cholera and I have only just wakened up.Why does nobody come?”

“It is the child no one ever saw!”exclaimed the man,turning to his companions.“She has actually been forgotten!”

“Why was I forgotten?”Mary said,stamping her foot.“Why does nobody come?”

The young man whose name was Barney looked at her very sadly.Mary even thought she saw him ④wink his eyes as if to wink tears away.

“Poor little kid!”he said.“There is nobody left to come.”

画线部分的语义和写作技巧分析：

①frown:to make a serious,angry or worried expression by bringing your eyebrows closer together so that lines appear on your forehead 皱眉；蹙额。与上文的cross (annoyed or angry) 呼应，通过眉宇之间的描写来体现她的愤怒。

②startle:to surprise sb.suddenly in a way that slightly shocks or frightens them 使惊吓。结合下文的jumped back这一肢体动作来表达内心的惊讶。

③stiffly:in a way that is not friendly or relaxed 不友好地。结合上文的“drawing herself up”“步步逼近”，及下文的She thought the man was very rude 可知，此处是肢体动作加上心理描写，来体现人物内心的愤怒。

④wink:to close one eye and open it again quickly,especially as a private signal to sb.眨眼。通过这个面部表情描写表达他的同情之心。

文段中其他表达情绪的亮点：

对话描写，简洁生动，如：“‘Why was I forgotten?’Mary said,stamping her foot.”“Why does nobody come?”这两个问句紧扣第一段中She looked an ugly,cross little thing...这一特点，体现她当时“不友善”的性格特点。

巧妙使用感叹句来表达出官员们发现Mary 时的惊讶和怜悯之心。“‘Barney!’he cried out.”“There is a child here! A child alone! In a place like this! Mercy on us,who is she!”连续5 个感叹句，将官员们心中的不可思议表达得淋漓尽致。“Poor little kid!”省略句加上最后的感叹号，将官员们的怜悯之心表达得恰到好处。