精选切入点 增效读后续写——例谈基于英文原版小说赏读的读后续写教学策略

浙江

当前，高中生的英语写作中存在诸多问题，突出表现在以下三个方面：内容上，所言空泛，不着边际，构思和表达能力不佳；语篇上，层次不清，逻辑混乱，上下文协同突兀；语言上，要么用词错误，要么枯燥乏味，语言表达“拿来主义”现象严重，生搬硬套，受母语干扰过大。然而，长久以来，由于种种主观或者客观因素的影响，英语写作教学得不到足够的重视。不少教师要么过于依赖书本单元后面的写作练习，要么痴迷于模拟试卷中的写作测试题，要么过度依赖让学生背诵范文和套句，而极少从事真正意义上的写作教学。为了解决上述问题，切实提高高中生的英语写作能力，基于语言输入和语言输出的理论，笔者在写作教学中引入了英文原版小说作为写作教学的载体。

因考虑到英文原版文学作品难度系数过大，同时为了选取具有精彩故事情节的作品，教师应从英文原版短篇和中篇小说着手。经典英文原版小说往往具有引人入胜的情节，栩栩如生的人物刻画，扣人心弦的故事高潮，充满智慧的情节，极具感染力的环境描写以及潜移默化的育人文化。因此，在英文原版短篇小说的教学实践中，教师不应只关注原汁原味的语言知识、跌宕起伏的故事情节、个性鲜明的人物、或是各式各样的场景，而是应该在主题意义的引领下，以小说三要素为抓手，顺应小说原有的可挖掘的点，精选读后续写的写作切入口，高效地融合语言输入与语言输出过程，进而让学生在写作过程中加深对主题意义的理解。

下面，笔者以几部经典的英文原版小说为例，阐述如何在精选写作切入口的基础上增效读后续写。

一、厘清小说情节 迁移故事续写

小说的情节通常包括exposition（阐述）、rising action（情节上升）、climax（高潮）、falling action（情节下降）和resolution（结局）五部分。经典短篇或者微型英文原版小说以其篇幅短小、构思巧妙、情节引人入胜、人物个性鲜明而受到人们的青睐。美国作家Eric Acland 笔下的《美尔根，我的兄弟》（Maheegun,My Brother）就是这样的一篇英文短篇小说，该小说语言生动形象，对动物的刻画细致入微，从侧面反映了社会生活。小说讲述的是小作者“我”随爷爷去叉鱼时邂逅了又冷又饿的小狼崽Maheegun，于是“我”果断收养了Maheegun，并开始了与小狼崽美妙的跨物种友谊。由于“我”的得意忘形，忘记了拴住小狼崽，它咬死了邻居家的公鸡，于是“我”被迫将小狼崽送去山中的小屋，可是小狼崽却随一只母狼而去。本以为永远失去了小狼崽的“我”却在雪后的树林里被狼群围攻之际再次邂逅了Maheegun，正是Maheegun 的及时出现，“我”才免于落入狼口。当“我”在卧室的床上醒来时，Maheegun 再次回到了属于它的山林。小说以一匹狼与小男孩之间的故事为主线，赞扬了人与动物和谐共生的美好关系。

图一：Maheegun,My Brother 的情节图

在赏读该短篇小说之后，笔者向学生呈现了一篇故事续写的原文（该读后续写摘自《浙江省新高考研究卷（英语五）》2020 年4 月版）。

In 2000,when I was around seven years old,all my family were coming back from a T-ball game,which was our usual weekend adventure,but unlike every other weekend,a surprise was waiting for us in our driveway — two adult geese and a small goose.Obviously startled by our return,the adults flew away in panic,with their baby,too young to fly,left in place,tiny and delicate.

Hours passed one after another,and night eventually fell.However,with it also came a deep chill and a fear of watchful animals.It was apparent that the gosling needed protection,warmth,and food to make it to the morning,so we had to help it,and we brought him onto our back yard.

We all pretty much slept with one eye open till morning came.And then another morning.And still another.Each morning,we would try to drive the goose away to his parents,who kept coming back to our yard.He wouldn’t go to them,though,and neither would they come close enough to claim him.We kept this up for five days,but no luck.Realizing the young goose had clearly decided we were his family by then,we had to give him a name,calling the little guy Peeper,because he would often follow us around the yard making a peeping（唧唧叫）noise,nonstop.Besides,we decided that Peeper was a boy.I don’t know why;it just felt right.

A year passed and we settled into a routine.Peeper slept on our back yard each night and,in typical goose fashion,used it as a latrine（公共厕所）.My dad would spray off all the goose droppings daily.Part of this ceremony included Dad throwing Peeper up into the air so he could flap its wings and flew a loop（圈）around the house,and then came back again once the porch was clean.

Days turned into weeks,and weeks turned into months.

原文大意如下：20 年前，“我”家来了三只大雁——大雁父母和大雁宝宝。大雁父母飞走之后，“我们”家收养了大雁宝宝并待他如同家人，给他取名、洗澡，每天给他清洗宿舍，将其抛向空中让他自由飞翔。命题人所给的续写两段的首句分别是：

Paragraph 1:Before we knew it,the little thing had grown into a big bird with two powerful wings.

Paragraph 2:It came as a total surprise to me when,in 2019,an adult goose made his way back to my family home.

经过梳理所给读后续写原文情节和分析续写两段的首句之后，多数学生很快建立了本文与短篇小说《美尔根，我的兄弟》（Maheegun,My Brother）的情节关联，并绘制了续写文章的情节示意图，具体如下：with two powerful wings.Not only could he fly a loop around

the house,but also he could explore a larger expanse of his territory.Undoubtedly,the yard was so small in comparison to the vast sky with blameless blue.Subconsciously,an air of gloom hung over the family.Feeling an urge to know why,I tugged at my dad’s sleeves as if Dad had been an encyclopedia.“Peeper is bound to leave us one day,”Dad sighed.Having digested his answer,I rejected the information just as blood rejected the wrong organ.However,the day when Peeper flew away finally came,plunging us into a dark world without Peeper.

It came as a surprise to me when,in 2019,an adult goose made his way back to my family home.He lingered around my yard with his long neck crooked like a hook.I didn’t recognize him until he uttered that familiar peeping noise.Within a few seconds,it dawned on me that it was our long-lost Peeper.All those sweet memories came back,crowding in,making my eyes misty with tears.On seeing me,Peeper dashed to me and Dad with his wings pattering.I cried out my excitement! Never had I thought that I would be blessed with another chance to catch another glimpse of him.Then in front of me stood a fullyfledged goose,with two strong wings,sparkling eyes as well as grateful heart.Unconsciously,I knew he would leave me again and fly into the arms of nature.However,the bond between us will be indelibly engraved in our hearts.

本文作者用饱含深情的笔触还原了人鸟互动和和谐共生的画面。这个画面温馨、自然，带着理性和情感。更重要的是，本文完美地迁移了原版小说《美尔根，我的兄弟》（Maheegun,My Brother）的情节，模仿了该小说的生动语言，使之具有较强的可读性和考场竞争性。

二、分析写作特点 突出人物情感

基于上述情节示意图，某学生的续写故事如下：

Before we knew it,the little thing had grown into a big bird

在赏读文学作品时，分析写作特点有助于理解作者的写作思路，理解作品的谋篇布局、遣词造句、表达方式和表达手法等，从而更好地与作者和文本进行对话，实现对文本的深度理解。下面，笔者以海明威的短篇小说《桥边的老人》（The Old Man at the Bridge）为例，进行具体阐述。该小说讲述了战争来临前一位哨兵在一座桥边帮助护送当地人撤退以躲避战乱的故事。在此过程中，哨兵发现一位老人不愿意撤退，于是催促他早点撤退，但老人因为太累且放心不下家里的小动物而不愿意离开。

在分析完小说的人物、情节和环境背景之后，笔者呈现了如下问题链：

1.Why didn’t the author use more vivid and specific words like stare,gaze,glance,glare...?

2.Did the old man convey how he felt about the anything,including the war,the sentry or his animals back at home?

3.What can you conclude about Hemingway’s writing style?

以上三个问题旨在引导学生分析海明威的小说作品的特点，从而引出他的“冰山理论”(Iceberg Theory)，即作者用简练的文字塑造出鲜明的人物形象，把自身的思想和情感最大限度地融入到人物形象中，使之感情充沛却不直白、思想深沉而不外露，从而将文学的可感性与可思性巧妙地结合起来，引发读者去发掘作品隐含的思想意义。

基于本小说的上述特点，笔者给学生布置了如下读后写作任务：

Suppose the old man were to write his last words in a letter before death,who would he write to? How would he write it?

从信件的对象来看，老人的遗书有写给战争的，有写给自己的小动物的，还有写给哨兵的；从信件的内容来看，老人的遗书有控诉战争残酷性的，有表达对动物的无比怜惜的，还有表达对哨兵的感激的；从信件的情感表达来看，学生在创作中挥毫泼墨般地宣泄了老人的情感，将海明威“冰山理论”下的隐晦情感显性化。由于篇幅所限，本文只呈现其中一篇学生习作，具体如下：

Hateful war,

Lying on the deathbed in the dust at the bridge at the mercy of death,I just suddenly feel an urge to write to tell how I think about you.

Subconsciously,I feel my hands clenched and teeth gritted.Gathering all my strength,I want to wrestle with you,strangle you and fling you to the ground.You are a cold-blooded monster,claiming a lot of innocent lives like me. Without you,I would still be able to enjoy the happy moments with my family,who were murdered by you in broad daylight just last year.And now,one more time,you,still wearing a monstrous mask,are going to batter us.I swear,even with the last gasp,I will give you a snap.

You deserve all vicious words.I will avenge.And we will avenge.

Yours indignantly,

a victim of yours

从上述的学生习作可以看出，学生能够在教师的引导下领会海明威的小说作品的写作风格，抓住小说的主题——通过让老人宣泄情感来控诉战争的残酷与无情。教师通过设置类似的读后续写作任务，促进了学生对文本主题的理解，学生在与作品以及作品中人物对话的过程中锻炼了思维，提高了其对作品的认知。

三、把握小说主题 自创挖空片段

每一部经典原版小说都是人物、背景、情节、冲突和主题的完美结合，它以塑造人物形象为中心，依托人物关系创设情节，在冲突中推动故事发展，并在渲染背景环境中升华小说的主题意义。主题是小说的灵魂，情节铺设为主题服务。

欧·亨利的小说多采用出人意料的结尾方式，使平淡的故事在结尾处顿生波澜，并产生震撼心灵的力量。欧·亨利的《红毛酋长的赎金》（The Ransom of Red Chief）就是这样一篇拥有出人意料又合乎情理的结局的经典短篇小说。该小说讲述了“我”与比尔在一个名叫Summit 的地方绑架了一个名门望族的独生儿子。“我们”原本想利用绑架来敲诈他的父亲，从而获得“我们”所缺的非法购买地皮的资金。然而，这个孩子非常野蛮，而且还会捉弄人。随着时间的推移，这个孩子越来越嚣张，还把比尔当马骑，比尔几乎要精神崩溃了。无奈之下，“我们”急速写好“敲诈信”给孩子的父亲，可万万没有想到的是“我们”反而被孩子的父母索要了250 美元。因为“我们”实在无法忍受这个孩子，只能祈求这个孩子的父亲把孩子接回去，故事无情地嘲讽了两个笨手笨脚的绑匪的悲惨下场。

原文中，两个绑匪写给孩子父亲的“敲诈信”是这样的：To:Mr.Ebenezer Dorset,

Sir,we have your boy concealed in a place far from Summit.We demand fifteen hundred dollars in small bills for his return.

The money is to be brought by a lone messenger at midnight.After crossing the Rock Creek bridge,he will see three poplar trees.Opposite the third tree is a fence post.At the base of the post will be a cardboard box.He must leave the money in the box.

If you pay the money as demanded,the boy will be released safely within three hours.

Two Desperate Men

为了更好地引导学生理解欧·亨利作品结尾的特色，鼓励学生理解作品中的人物心理和故事走向，让学生尝试与作品中的人物进行对话，笔者尝试挖去原著中名门望族Mr.Ebenezer Dorset 的回信，并尝试让学生在揣摩人物心理和梳理故事主线的基础上，以Mr.Ebenezer Dorset 的身份给两位绑架犯写一封回信。其中有学生是这样写的：

Two Desperate Men,

For those painful and unforgettable seconds you’ve experienced,I will express my amiable sympathy.Being adapted to numerous pranks,he can make your life miserable but extremely colorful.If you want to wind up these fantastic moments,you could send the boy,who gives me chills,back to the street.Meanwhile,two hundred and fifty dollars should be paid for the coming darkness or you can relish your gleaming lifetime with your friend permanently.Besides,thanks for taking care of that frippery these days.

Very respectfully,

Ebenezer Dorset

从学生的作品来看，剧情已经发生了反转，说明学生已经领会了欧·亨利式结局的精彩之处，并且学会了利用已知的情节、人物、背景、冲突和主题信息来推断所缺的故事片段。本故事诙谐幽默，这也使得学生在相对愉悦的氛围中提高了语言输入与语言输出的效率。

四、依托故事明线 拓展暗线片段

一般来说，小说作品都有情节发展的两条线索，即明线和暗线。明线贯穿全文，使得作品的结构完整，脉络清晰。暗线则辅助明线贯穿全文，是情感抒发的切点。欧·亨利的短篇小说《麦琪的礼物》（The Gift of the Magi）讲述了一对来自社会底层的贫苦小夫妻互赠圣诞礼物表达对彼此的爱意的故事。为了赠送对方圣诞礼物，吉姆卖掉了他祖传的金表为德拉买了一套精美的梳子；德拉则卖掉了一头美丽的瀑布般的秀发为吉姆买了一条白金表链。阴差阳错中他们都舍弃了自己最宝贵的“财产”，却为对方换来了毫无用处的圣诞礼物。女主人公德拉卖头发买表链是明线，而男主人公吉姆卖手表买发梳则是暗线。

基于上述对该作品的解读，笔者选取了明线中“德拉卖头发买表链”的片段，让学生从语言运用、修辞手法、情节推进、环境背景和人物心理等方面进行深入品读，然后让学生仿照该片段来写暗线中“吉姆卖手表买发梳”的片段。某学生的作品如下：

Jim reached into his pocket and fumbled for his watch,a family treasure passed down from his ancestors.The watch,without a fob chain,was frayed on all edges,just like a honed stone,which gave him a mixture of pride and inferiority.Naturally,he longed for a fob chain so that he could also elegantly raised his hand to look at his watch in the presence of his friends and strangers alike.With Christmas approaching,the thought of not being able to buy a gift for Della tortured him day and night.The moment when he would be rich enough to buy a gift for Della was coming! Now he was grabbing the watch in his right hand,his palm sweating and heart thudding.With his head held high,he strode into a second-hand watch shop,his heart in his mouth.

“Do you buy a second-hand watch? It is a family treasure,”Jim inquired.

“Yes,we do.Let me check it out,”the shop assistant urged.

Having given it a thorough check,the shop assistant raised his head and ran his eyes over Jim and said,“I can give you 20 dollars at most.”

“That is a deal,”Jim replied.

Gripping the twenty-dollar bill in his right hand,he flew to an accessory shop with rosy spots flashing across his cheeks.

“I want this comb,labeled 20 dollars!”he told the shop assistant,love pit-a-patting in his heart.Now he became penniless again,but love was invaluable.

从本学生习作来看，学生能够做到语言运用、修辞手法、情节推进、环境背景和人物心理的基本协同，这说明基于故事明线的拓展性暗线片段的写作能够提高语言输入与语言输出的效率，因而具有较强的读后续写实践价值。

当然，基于英文原版小说的读后续写还有很多实践策略，如在教授Langston Hughes 的Thank You,Ma’am 时，笔者布置了如下任务：“Suppose you were the frail boy,please write a letter to the large woman 10 years later.”。再如，在教授Death on the Moor（The Hound of the Baskervilles 中的第十二章）时，笔者摘取其中一个小片段（内容是黑夜中福尔摩斯和他的助手华生听见恐怖的声音，他们推定Henry Baskervilles 被害），让学生续写听见恐怖声音之后，福尔摩斯和华生展开实勘行动的片段。本读后续写旨在让学生学会使用听觉和视觉来进行推理，从而推动故事情节的发展。这样的例子不胜枚举，这里不再一一列举。

写作的“根”是阅读。叶圣陶先生曾说过：“阅读是吸收，写作是倾吐，倾吐能否合于法度，显然与吸收有密切的关系。”实践证明，基于英文原版小说赏读的读后续写策略有助于学生写出内容更加充实，语篇更加连贯流畅，语言更加地道自然的习作。此外，该视角下的写作教学会使得写作更轻松有趣，使教学更富有成效，师生都会乐在其中。