Arranged Marriage in China

Ming Zhao

Marriage is an important institution in our society， which binds men and women the most frequently.When men and women are together， the gender relationship becomes obvious.Most societies in the world are patriarchal， so mens power penetrates everywhere， including the marriage institution.Marriage institution is built on mens power， and at the same time， it contributes to mens power.Arranged marriage is a good example to illustrate how mens power is over women， which was prevailing in China.China also has arranged marriage today， but particularly in rural areas.Urban China develops a new form of arranged marriage recently， but whether traditional arranged marriage or progressive arranged marriage， they both reveal gender inequality and enhance gender inequality.

Traditional arranged marriage， which parents arrange for their child to marry a person that he or she does not even have a chance to know ， has been performed less than before because more people are well educated， especially in urban China， but it is replaced by an ideological form of arranged marriage， which I call forced voluntary-marriage.It refers to the phenomenon that some people， always women， who reach marriage age but do not get married， randomly choose a man by themselves to marry， simply because their parents force them to do so.Voluntary forced-marriage starts because of marriage pressure from parents.Parents in urban China no longer arrange their children to marry as before， but since higher education is a strong predictor for delaying marriage， the parents feel anxious about that.Although Chinese people have more choices of whom they want to marry today， marriage is still required rather than optional.Therefore， when children do not marry “on time，” parents begin to worry.

When is “on time？” Currently， the minimum legal marriage age is 22 for males and 20 for females （Li 2012）.Parents in rural areas usually expect their children to marry at least at the minimum legal age， while parents in urban areas hope their children could get married right after college graduation.However， the truth is that men and women in the urban areas get married much later than what parents expect.The average marriage age in urban China is 29.2 for males and 27.1 for females （360doc 2013）.For years， women who are single in their middle to late 20s have been labeled as “leftover women，” which implies the message that “marry， ideally by 25” （Tatlow 2013）.When women are left over， their parents endlessly complain to them why they are still not married yet or constantly tell them that they are supposed to marry.This brings much marriage pressure to women who are at the “late marriage age，” and it is the main reason why many Chinese women commit forced voluntary-marriage.

Exerting pressure is a new way for parents to force their daughters to marry in the urban areas.Many women feel that they have to marry because they believe marriage is a filial piety， which is an essential part of Chinese culture （Reese 2003）.Filial piety requires children to respect their parents extremely， because parents give children everything and children should repay their goodness （Reese 2003）.Since parents strongly express that they expect their daughters to marry as soon as possible， their daughters finally find a way to meet their expectation by marrying a man who is available rather than lovable.To fulfill filial piety， women neglect their own happiness.Women probably will be not happy after marrying a man they do not love.Although psychologist Pamela Regan found that arranged marriage members， like free marriage members， also have “high rates of love， satisfaction and commitment” about their marriage， the results need more evidence to be proved.More importantly， even if arranged marriages could be happy， the happiness should not be built on the deprivation of willingness.

Besides the commitment to forced voluntary-marriage， marriage pressure from parents also reduces the chance that children connect with their parents， and encourages children to lie to their parents.When parents give their children too much pressure， children are afraid of encountering their parents or they do not know how to encounter their parents.For example， because parents talk about marriage too much， many children do not even go back home during the Chinese New Year， which is the most important festival in China.Xiaoxiao， who was 29 years old， comes from Jinzhou and has been a white collar in Shenzhen for six years （Dayuenet 2013）.She went back home each year to celebrate the Chinese New Year， but this year， she did not， because her parents， relatives， and neighbors always asked her when she could have a boyfriend or when she could get married （Dayuenet 2013）.She had had already three blind dates even before she went back.She did not plan to go back home because she did not want to be urged to marry by other people （Dayuenet 2013）.

Another example is that many children who are single go back home to celebrate the Chinese Yew Year， but they choose to lie to their parents saying that they have a girlfriend or boyfriend.How do they lie to their parents？ They rent a boyfriend or a girlfriend to go back home with them.Ding Na， who was almost 30 and still single， planned to use this strategy to comfort her parents or avoid her parentscomplaint （Hatton 2013）.Every demand can be met.Some men posted the rental fees of a boyfriend： “charging $5 an hour to accompany a girl to dinner and $8 for a kiss on the cheek.If the fake boyfriend stays overnight with his clients family for Chinese New Year， he charged $80 a night to sleep in his own bed， and $95 to sleep on the couch” （Hatton 2013）.Li Le， who was a boyfriend to be hired， said， “I might find someone who shares my interests and it would make both of us happy” （Hatton 2013）.This is how children deal with the marriage pressure from their parents.It seems an extreme method， but this extreme method lives up to the extreme pressure.

Why do parents insist to press their children， particularly their daughters， to marry at an “early” age？ It can be explained by the cultural gender roles in China， at the most parts.China is a patriarchal society.Men have power over women， so women have to comply with men.Men are supposed to support their family to maintain their status， while women are supposed to take care of their husbands and their children to trap them in the lower status.Since Chinese men and women have different tasks， they receive different expectations.In the ancient time， men were supposed to farm to feed their family members and women were supposed to weave to provide daily necessities.It is clear that men should work outside of the home， and women should work inside of the home.They were fixed to their own roles， and were not allowed to cross.There is an old saying that “ignorance is a womens virtue，” which means women are expected to do nothing except being inferior.However， men are a familys hope， so they are expected to do anything to show their superiority.As a consequence， in a traditional perspective， womens only commitment is to their family， while men could do almost whatever they want.

Gender roles reveal gender inequality through arranged marriage.Gender roles indicate that men should be powerful and strong and then to support their families and women should be soft and submissive and then to serve men， which fix men to masculinity while fix women to femininity.Arranged marriage is based on the relationship between masculinity and femininity， which forces women to step in the relationship and to practice femininity.The relationship of masculinity and femininity itself is unequal， because it is established on distribution of power.Social institutions assign men more power than women through their different social roles.Marriage is a way to display the inequality through gender roles.Arranged marriage is more severe because women are completely thrown into passivity.

Gender roles do not only reveal gender inequality but also contribute to gender inequality.Different gender roles lead to different gender expectations， then lead to different source distributions， and finally lead to gender inequality.For example， women are supposed to be a housewife， then they are expected to learn housework， next they are not given a chance to go to school， and finally they are less likely to be educated than men.Take arranged marriage as an example.Arranged marriage reveals womens lower social status than men， but at the same time， it enhanced the relationship between men and women.Arranged marriage is a strategy used to maintain mens social status.Because men have higher social status， arranged marriage emerges as a sign to differentiate men and women social status.When arranged marriage is practiced， it is based on higher social status of men and lower social status of women， so the more arranged marriage is practiced， the more clear the relationship between men and women is， or specifically， the more growing the polarization between men and womens social status is.That is to say gender roles contribute to gender inequality.

赏析

《一个人的和平》以第二次世界大战阴霾笼罩下的德文学校为背景，采用第一人称倒叙的手法娓娓讲述了一段令人唏嘘的少年友谊和沉重惶然的青春岁月。故事从成年后的吉恩重返校园开始讲起。时光荏苒，物是人非，踏上这片印着青春足迹的土地，他的感受是复杂的：一方面为曾经造成的那无法弥补的伤害深感自责，一方面又升腾起长大成人的自豪感。怀着这种愧疚而又释然的复杂心情，吉恩展开了他对往事的无限追忆。

那是1942年的夏天，战争的硝烟尚未打破德文学校的宁静。吉恩和菲尼亚斯都是学校里出类拔萃的学生：前者是班里的优等生，一心想获得学业特别成就奖，期待着能够在毕业典礼上以学生代表身份发表演讲；后者则拥有过人的运动天赋，获得的体育奖项不计其数，并非专业游泳选手的他甚至轻而易举地就刷新了学校多年未破的游泳纪录。更为难能可贵的是，16岁的菲尼亚斯是“一个少有的能在1942年的夏天还自由快乐的男孩”。他思想独立，带有鲜明的理想主义色彩；他同情弱者，敢于蔑视权威，具有强大的人格魅力。菲尼亚斯别出心裁地想出从树上跳水、打“闪电球”等几个游戏，作为好朋友的吉恩也一直参与其中。这是战火纷飞的岁月里难得的欢愉时光，如果时间能够像这样一直静静地流淌下去，一切原本应如轻风拂水不着痕迹。但是，一件事像石子投入湖中一般在青春的湖面上激起了层层涟漪。节选部分描述的正是这件事。吉恩对菲尼亚斯潇洒率性的性格和行为方式既羡慕又嫉妒，以致产生猜疑，认为菲尼亚斯拉着自己参加各种活动只是因为嫉妒自己成绩好，想要影响自己学习。然而菲尼亚斯却真诚地告诉吉恩，他希望吉恩能够认真地做自己擅长的事情。吉恩这才意识到自己在胡乱猜疑，进而更加怨恨菲尼亚斯身上所拥有的坦荡和纯真。就在两人都爬上树枝准备进行双人跳时，吉恩暗暗晃动树枝，致使菲尼亚斯失去平衡跌落致残。一时的冲动造就了终生无法弥补的伤害。从那一刻开始，两人的命运因为这个偶然事件而彻底改变。故事一改最初的轻松基调，沉重的灰色如雾霾般在剩下的大半本小说中蔓延。吉恩为什么这样做？原因似乎是嫉妒——因为内心莫名其妙的嫉妒，他亲手摧毁了世界上最美好的友情。但实际上，就连吉恩自己也无法说清楚真正的原因——因为“盲目的一时冲动”，事情就在稀里糊涂中“鬼使神差”地发生了。满心歉疚的吉恩一再忏悔，想向菲尼亚斯说明原委寻求原谅，而菲尼亚斯却怀着对好朋友无比的信赖有意回避着事情的真相——他不愿承认好友对他的背叛，因为被背叛的痛苦远比身体的痛楚更能折磨他的内心。后来，在一次由同学们组织的探求这起事故真相的“审判”中，宽容大度的菲尼亚斯为维护吉恩，在仓促离开时又一次摔断了腿。在病房里，两人终于敞开心扉，达成谅解，但命运却无情地捉弄了他们——菲尼亚斯在手术中骨髓意外顺血液流入心脏，不治而亡。这在吉恩心中留下难以愈合的创伤和恒久的煎熬。

随着长大成人，竞争精神渐渐取代了少年们天真烂漫的游戏，矛盾与敌对开始凸显。人们假想出自己的敌人，然后与他开战，每个人“都以无限的代价筑造自己的马其诺防线，抵挡自以为看见的越过防线的敌人”。对吉恩来说，菲尼亚斯就是他的一个没有实现的自我，一个因欠缺而产生的欲望。因为这个假想敌，吉恩迷失了自我，其实他真正的敌人一直是自己。他发动了一场自我的战争，却导致了两败俱伤的结局——吉恩毁了菲尼亚斯的肉身，而菲尼亚斯的死瓦解了吉恩的灵魂。在菲尼亚斯的葬礼上，吉恩没有哭泣，因为他始终“无法摆脱一种感觉：这是我自己的葬礼，人在自己的葬礼上是无法哭的”。菲尼亚斯的葬礼可以看作一个隐喻，随着菲尼亚斯一起埋葬的还有吉恩的纯真和青春。

菲尼亚斯死后，他高贵的人格更加引人追思。“他拥有超乎寻常的活力、不断增强的自信，以及一种平静的爱的能力。”“只有菲尼亚斯从不害怕，只有菲尼亚斯从不仇恨任何人。”因为无所仇恨，也就“没有任何东西能打破他那和谐与自然的完整性”。菲尼亚斯的死亡在某种程度上是注定的：相对于战争的冰冷残酷以及其他人幽暗的内心世界，他的善良和纯真显得那么格格不入。正如吉恩所说，菲尼亚斯“在战争中是不会有优异的表现的”，因为他不会为敌对情绪所蛊惑，也不懂得什么是敌人，以至于在那战火纷飞的年代他也倔强地否认着战争的真实存在。菲尼亚斯这一形象代表了作者美好的乌托邦理想，是纯真与和平的象征。

《一个人的和平》问世于20世纪50年代，那正是一个对二战进行深刻反思的年代。虽然战争的烽火尚未燃烧至静谧的校园，但每个人、每颗心都早已骚动不安。在官方的宣传中，战争被浪漫化，其荒谬性和残酷性从而被掩盖，连最缺乏男子气概的莱珀也在谎言的蛊惑下上了战场，却被战争的梦魇折磨得精神错乱。迫使莱珀逃离军队的那些可怕的幻想——男人的头长在女人的身体上，椅子扶手变成人的胳膊——正体现了战争对人的摧残和异化。任何人看到莱珀的变化都会心生惊骇，就连一直认定战争是庸俗的胖老头编造的笑话和谎言的菲尼亚斯都不得不承认：“不管怎么说，随后我便知道真的在打仗。”这正是战争的威严与冷峻之处，它不允许任何人轻视它，也不允许任何人否认它的客观存在。战争的硝烟无处不在，它剥夺了少年的纯真、幻想和青春。没有人能够真正地逃离，除了死亡——唯一得到和平的，是逝去的菲尼亚斯。