短文写作

许春苗

近几年，湖北高考的英语写作多为半开放式的作文，即给出一段英文的话题材料，考生阅读后结合自己的生活事例，来写一篇120字左右的论文。对于处于高二阶段的学生来说，我们不仅需要积累大量的短语词汇和句子，精通并熟练的使用一些语法规则和句式，而且还需要逐渐的在写作训练中掌握熟悉这种半开放式的写作模式和技巧，以下是两篇学生的习作和点评：

题目：请根据以下提示并结合事例，写一篇短文。

Reading is a habit and reading is joyful. We can gain a lot from reading.

注意：①无需写标题，不得照抄英语提示语；②除诗歌外，文体不限；③词数为120 左右。

习作1

There is no doubt that books are our best friends in life and reading books is to us what eating food is to man.

I used to be a girl who usually felt upset whenever meeting difficulties. However， I change my attitude after reading an article about a determined man. His name is Nick who was born without arms and legs. So he can not lead the normal life as others. But in the article， to my great surprise， he not only encourages others to be hopeful in life， but also has set up an organization to help those who are disabled. Compared with him， how small I am！ From that， I have learned that we should be positive and optimistic and we shouldnt give in to the difficulties.

It is reading that brings me great changes. Reading is a good thing， dont forget to read. （程思媛）

点评 这是一篇第五档的作文，29 分。程思媛同学的作文，首尾关于reading的主题清楚明确；生活事例叙述完整而且紧扣主题；文中恰当使用了语句间的连接成分，全文结构紧凑，； 应用了较丰富的语法结构和词汇，比如第一段中的A is to B what C is to D，第二段中的状语从句的省略结构whenever meeting difficulties，过去分词做状语Compared with him等。虽然有个别语法错误，例如第二段中的单词change 应为完成时态have changed，但它不影响意义的表达，完全达到了预期的写作目的。

习作2

I like reading books very much. It is very interesting and I can learn a lot from reading. A few months before， I read a book about war， in the book there is a word “position”. Because I didnt know what it means， after a long time thought， I turned to the dictionary for help. The book enriched my vocabulary. Not long after that， we had an English test， I recognized the word “position”， so I got the correct answer easily. Reading cannot only help you learn something， but also help you to relax. A science fiction book can get you into a fancy world and let you forget those bad things. （徐星宇）

点评 这是一篇四档的作文，22分。首先，从段落层次来看，徐星宇的这篇一段式的作文，虽然主要内容与提示吻合，但是和上一篇三段式的作文比较起来，层次不是那么清晰明了，全文的结构也没有那么紧凑。对于湖北省半开放式的作文体裁，我们强烈建议用三段，首段开门见山点题，第二段举例，第三段总结或强调主题；其次，从举例点题的内容而言，徐星宇在作文中谈了两个例子，虽然显得很丰富，但是对于限制在120字以内的小作文而言，反而使得整个内容没有那么紧凑，主题没有那么鲜明。最后，从语法错误而言，虽两篇作文然都有，但是这篇作文中的个别错误对意义的表达有一定影响，例如，before应为ago，in the book 应该为定语从句in which。