英国遇上法兰西：入乡请随俗

by Michael Wright 译/刘志良

英国人，法国人——历史上的种种纠葛积淀成他们之间剪不断理还乱的微妙关系。尽管如此，法国南部的阳光、美酒与美食还是吸引了一批批英国游客跨越英吉利海峡。他们一头扎进法国，渴望融入其中，却常常被当地人一眼看穿。入乡随俗说起来容易，做起来可远没有你想象得那么简单……

Last week， the local supermarket in Jolibois had sold out of both fresh milk and white wine. This can mean only one thing： Britons of a certain age were back in town. So， as another wave of les Anglais descends on France for a late-summer dose of cheap wine， steak frites and sunburn， I hereby proffer2） a few tips on how to tread lightly3） here， for the benefit of those among my fellow countrymen who would rather mingle with the natives than be shot as spies—I mean， spotted as étrangers4）. There are， after all， still a few people left who would rather appreciate and absorb the subtle nuances of a foreign culture， than blast them aside with the sheer force of their Englishness.

If you are wondering what on earth qualifies me to do this， you are absolutely right： even now， after nine years in rural France， I cannot walk down the street without being rumbled5） as an Anglais from 50 paces， long before I have opened my mouth. Undaunted， I am still doing my best to blend in.

Dress

In France， the quickest way to spot an Anglais is that hell be the one with the belly and the shirt hanging out. Indeed， the staple garment for Britons arriving at Limoges airport seems to be a shapeless black T-shirt， either baggy enough to disguise the space hopper6） beneath， or else confidently stretched across it， as if it were an orange in a sock. The modal7） garment for women of all ages， even the middle-aged who should know better， appears to be a saggy white T-shirt which dangles8） low enough to cover the bottom， and lots of jangly jewellery. The rural French are rather less casual in their approach to casual dress. T-shirts tend to have collars and be tucked in； shorts have buttons and zips rather than drawstrings9） and elastic； shoes dont look cheap. In England we used to call this look Smart Casual10）； these days， what with11） inflation and everything， we have bumped it up to Smart.

Shaking hands

I always try to be ready to shake hands with anything that moves. This takes some nerve， and can misfire but， on balance12）， people are more likely to consider the gesture charming than alarming， as they rack13） their brains to think where they have met you before.

Kissing

If you think you know someone well enough to kiss them， but arent quite sure， the secret is to lean forward almost imperceptibly14）， and see whether they reciprocate15） or remain glacially still. Britons are known for being a bit quick to kiss. A slap in the face means that， on balance， you probably should have shaken hands.

Lunch

Britons think of lunchtime as 1 pm， but for the French it is midday. This may explain the pained expressions and air being sucked through teeth if you arrive at a local restaurant at 1：30 pm. Most places dont have ranks of casual staff. Theres probably just le patron16） and his wife， doing all the cooking and serving between them. Once shown to your table， do your best to sit tight. Dont wave or snap your fingers， and try to forget that you once had a vocab book in which the French for waiter was “gar?on.” Brits tend to imagine that one must fight to be served； that its all about attracting the waiters attention more manfully than the poor chap at the table next door. But a basket of bread and a carafe17） of water will come， and the waiter will take your order according to the rhythm of the place. Have faith. Pushiness is the quickest route to being ignored.

Bars

Rural bars are largely deserted since the smoking ban. French lads dont go out drinking at night， and the French ladette18） has yet to be invented. The few French customers are the ones standing at the bar， sipping their demis. The Brits are the ones at the tables outside. They have all ordered une grande bière， because the standard-size version does not chime19） with their idea of what constitutes true manliness.

Bonne journée

The French equivalent of that much-derided20） Americanism： “Have a nice day.” It is invariably uttered by the supermarket checkout lady when she gives you your receipt and your vouchers21） for derisory22） reductions on products you spurn23）. Most Brits seem to let it go， but the French， without fail， say “merci” in response. I like to add “et vous aussi” for good measure24）， though this probably marks me out as a Martian.

Being invited to someones house

The rural French arrive on time， and turn their cars around before they park. Be warned， if you are late， that you may arrive to find that nobody else has been offered a drink because the host was waiting for you. This is so hideously embarrassing that sometimes I sit up in bed in the middle of the night， eyes wide open， drenched in sweat， as the horror comes back to me. By the same token25）， many guests make a habit of leaving at midnight on the dot26）， even if you are in the middle of a sentence.

Wine

Here in the Limousin at least， the locals drink only red； white wine is left for the Brits. There is still some ridiculous snobbery about buying wine from supermarkets， too. Thus， if you are giving a bottle of wine as a present， it is preferable if it has only a single label， to show that it has come directly from the vineyard， or else from a specialist wine-seller. An extra label on the back， describing how the wine is best served at 3°C to accompany pike27）， barn owl28） and smelly cheese， is a sure sign that you have been darkening the doors29） of the evil supermarket again. In extremis30）， steam the bloody thing off.

Cycling

If you wish to cycle in France， it is obligatory to do so in full Lycra31） with all the logos； shaved legs； gritted32） teeth； the works33）. Sideburns34） help， obviously. Many cyclists dont wear helmets， but there is a sensible law which obliges motorists to leave at least a metre of space when overtaking a cyclist in towns， and a metre-and-a-half in the countryside. As it happens35）， this rule also applies if youre overtaking a cart drawn by oxen， a mounted horseman， or a cat which happens to be going for a stroll. Where the law is not clear is how much space you must leave if you are a cat driving an ox-cart that is overtaking a car.

上周，若利布瓦镇当地超市的鲜牛奶和白葡萄酒都售罄了。这只能说明一件事：一群韶华不再的英国人又来到了镇上。那么，鉴于又一波英国人空降法国，来享受夏末物美价廉的葡萄酒、牛排加薯条和阳光，我特此提出关于在这里如何谨言慎行的几点建议。这全是为了我的一些英国同胞考虑，他们更愿意与当地人打成一片，而不是被当作间谍处决——我是说被发现是外国人。毕竟还是有一些人愿意欣赏并吸纳外国文化的微妙之处，而不是用他们英国气息的强大力量将其荡平。

如果你纳闷我究竟有什么资格来提建议，那么你的质疑完全合理：虽然我在法国乡村已经待了九年，但如今的我走在大街上，还没等开口说话，别人就能从50步开外的地方认出我是个英国人。不过我毫不气馁，仍在尽最大的努力融入法国。

着装

在法国，辨别英国人最快捷的方式是看看谁的肚子和衬衫会鼓起来。的确，抵达利摩日机场的英国人基本都穿着没型的黑色T恤。T恤要么很宽松，能够遮住下面充气弹球一样的肚子；要么很自信地绷在肚子上面，让肚子看上去就像装在短袜中的一个橘子。各个年龄段的女性——甚至包括应当明白事理的中年女性——的典型装束似乎就是一件松垮的白色T恤，低垂到能盖住臀部，以及很多叮叮当当的珠宝。法国乡下人穿便装的方式都没这么随便：T恤一般都是带领子的，并且要扎在腰带里；短裤是带纽扣和拉链的，而不是用拉绳和松紧带；鞋子看上去也不是便宜货。在英国，我们曾经把这种装扮称为“商务休闲装”。如今，由于通货膨胀等种种原因，我们已经将其提升为“商务装”了。

握手

我总是尽力做好与任何活物握手的准备。这需要一些勇气，而且可能事与愿违，但总的来说，人们更有可能觉得这个姿势讨人喜欢而非使人惊恐，同时他们会绞尽脑汁地想他们曾在哪里见过你。

亲吻

如果你觉得自己和某人足够熟悉，想要亲吻他们，却又不是很确定时，秘诀就是以几乎难以察觉的角度前倾，看看他们是回应你，还是冷冰冰地站着不动。英国人有些急于亲吻，这是人尽皆知的。如果你被打了一耳光，那通常说明，你或许本该握手来着。

午餐

英国人认为午餐时间是下午1点，而对法国人来说，午餐时间是正午。这或许可以解释为什么英国人在下午1：30到达一家当地餐馆时会面露痛苦的表情，倒吸一口气。多数餐馆没有大批的临时工，可能只有老板和老板娘，两人负责所有的烹饪和上菜工作。一旦你被带到了桌位，要尽量坐着静静地等。不要挥手或打响指，努力忘掉你曾经有本词汇书，里面写着法语里服务员叫“gar?on”。英国人往往误以为顾客必须努力争取才会有人给上菜，认为最重要的是要比邻桌那个可怜的家伙表现得更勇猛来吸引服务员的注意。但在法国，服务员会先端上来一篮面包和一瓶水，然后会根据餐馆的节奏来让你点菜。要有信心，爱催促的人最容易被忽略。

酒吧

自从禁烟以来，乡间酒吧基本上空无一人。法国小伙子们晚上不会出去喝酒，而法国假小子们尚不存在。为数不多的几个法国顾客会站在吧台旁边呷着demi （指容量为半升的啤酒杯）。英国人则会坐在外面的桌子旁边。他们都点了une grande bière （一大杯啤酒），因为标准杯与他们所认为的真正的男子汉气概不搭调。

Bonne journée （祝你一天愉快）

这句法语对应的是备受嘲讽的那句美国式表达：“Have a nice day.”超市收银台的女士总是会说这句话，同时递给你收据和代金券——代金券金额少得可怜，而且能买的都是你不屑一顾的商品。大多数英国人似乎会把这句话当耳边风，但法国人必定会说句“merci”（谢谢）来回应。我喜欢额外再加上一句“et vous aussi”（您也一样），尽管这么做可能让我被归为火星人。

应邀做客

在法国乡村，人们会准时到达，并会把车头调过来后再停车。注意，如果你迟到了，那么你到的时候可能会发现大家都还没喝上饮料，因为主人在等你。这真是让人难堪至极，以至于有时我会半夜从床上坐起来，睁大眼睛，汗流浃背，因为我又体会到了那种恐惧。同样地，很多客人养成了午夜准时告辞的习惯，哪怕你一句话才说了一半。

葡萄酒

至少在利穆赞这个地方，当地人只喝红葡萄酒，白葡萄酒是留给英国人的。对于从超市买葡萄酒，人们也仍抱有某种可笑的势利观念。因此，如果你要把一瓶葡萄酒当礼物送出去，那酒瓶上最好只有一个标签，以此表明这瓶酒直接来自葡萄园，或者来自一家专门的葡萄酒经销商。如果酒瓶背面多一个标签，写着该葡萄酒最佳饮用温度是三度，并最好搭配狗鱼、仓鸮和臭奶酪饮用，那显然表明你又一次光顾了邪恶的超市。在紧要关头，用蒸汽把那该死的标签弄掉吧。

骑自行车

如果你打算在法国骑自行车，必须全身穿着商标齐全的莱卡服装，剃过腿毛，咬紧牙关，装备一应俱全。连鬓胡子显然能在这方面帮上忙。很多骑自行车的人不戴头盔，但有一项明智的法律规定汽车司机在市区超越骑车人时，须与之保持至少1米的距离，在乡间要保持至少1.5米的距离。如果你碰巧在超越一辆牛车、一个骑马的人或者一只碰巧正在散步的猫时，这个规定同样适用。不过，如果你是一只赶着牛车的猫，正在超越一辆汽车，那需要保持多远的距离，法律倒没有明确规定。

1. les Anglais：法语，意为“英国人”。

2. proffer [?pr?f?（r）] vt. 提供，提出

3. tread lightly：小心处理

4. étranger：法语，意为“外国人”。

5. rumble [?r?mb（?）l] vt. 〈英俚〉察觉；看穿

6. space hopper：充气弹跳球，一种儿童玩具

7. modal [?m??d（?）l] adj. 代表性的，典型的

8. dangle [?d??ɡ（?）l] vi. 悬垂；悬荡

9. drawstring [?dr???str??] n. （装于袋口、衣服腰部等处的）拉绳，束带

10. Smart Casual：出席特定场合的一种穿着要求，泛指一种“体面”的休闲穿着，介乎正装与便装之间。

11. what with：因为

12. on balance：总的说来

13. rack [r?k] vt. 折磨，使痛苦

14. imperceptibly [??mp?（r）?sept?bli] adv. 难以察觉地

15. reciprocate [r??s?pr?ke?t] vi. 回报；还礼

16. patron [?pe?tr?n] n. （尤指法国的）旅店（或饭店、酒吧）老板

17. carafe [k??r?f] n. 玻璃水瓶

18. ladette [l?d?et] n. 假小子；社会行为和男青少年或年轻男性相似的年轻女性

19. chime [t?a?m] vi. 协调，一致

20. deride [d??ra?d] vt. 嘲笑，嘲弄

21. voucher [?va?t??（r）] n. 代金券，购物券

22. derisory [d??ra?s?ri] adj. 荒谬可笑的，小得可笑的

23. spurn [sp??（r）n] vt. 蔑视；拒绝

24. for good measure：作为外加（或意外）的东西，附加

25. by the same token：同样地

26. on the dot：准时地，一秒不差地

27. pike [pa?k] n. [鱼]狗鱼

28. barn owl：[鸟]仓鸮

29. darken sb.s door（s）：登门造访，跨进门槛

30. in extremis：在危急状态中，在最紧要关头

31. Lycra：莱卡，用于制作长筒袜、游泳衣等紧身衣物的弹性纤维衣料

32. grit [ɡr?t] vt. （发怒、下决心等时）磨（牙）等；咬紧

33. the works：相关的所有事物，全部

34. sideburns [?sa?d?b??（r）nz] n. [复] （下巴无须的）短连鬓胡子

35. as it happens：恰恰；令人惊奇的是