小幽默三则

If Life Were Like A Computer

假如生活是一台电脑

You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it! You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings. You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy. You could click on “find” (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys. To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”! If you mess up your life, you could always press “Ctrl, Alt, Delete” and start all over!

你可以通过控制面板增加或者删除一些人；可以把孩子放进回收站，然后在你喜欢的时候再还原。可以通过调整显示器的设置让外表更好看；可以在吵闹的时候关掉音箱；可以点击“搜索”找到丢失了的遥控器和车钥匙；锻炼身体的时候，点击“运行”。要是你的生活一团糟，同时按下“Ctrl, Alt, Delete”键，一切重新开始。

Are You a Normal Person？

你是正常人吗？

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, “What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?” “Well…” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub.”“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup.” “Noooooooo!”answered the director. “A normalperson would pull the plug.”

参观一所精神病院的时候一个参观者问院长，“你们是用什么标准来决定一个人是否应该被关进精神病院呢？”“呃……”院长说，“是这样，我们先给一个浴缸放满水，然后我们给病人一个调茶匙，一个茶杯和一个水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清。” “噢，我明白了”， 参观者说。“一个正常人会选择水桶， 因为水桶比茶匙，茶杯的体积大。”“错了”，院长回答“正常人会把浴缸塞子拔掉。”

Turn Off Your Cell Phone

关掉你的手机

We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do, because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the center of the row got up and started walking her way out. “Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me.” By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I was feeling a little impatient, so I said, “Couldnt you have done this a little earlier?” “No!!” she said in a loud whisper. “The ‘Turn Off Your Cell Phone, Please message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car.”

那天晚上我们去看电影，和往常一样我坐在靠走廊的座位上，因为我觉得这里更宽敞。就在即将放映的时候，坐在中间位置的一位女士站起来往外走。“劳驾，噢,不好意思，请原谅，噢。”她走到我旁边的时候，我试图绕过她看后面的屏幕。我有点不耐烦：“你就不能早点出去吗？”“不能！”她大声说，“屏幕上打出了‘请关掉手机，而我的在车里。”