顺藤摸瓜，构思续写情节

浙江 彭文国

【问题导读】

读后续写的文体都是故事性很强的记叙文。 根据历年高考的设题，原文一般都提供故事的背景、承启和发展。而故事的高潮部分，也就是故事设计的矛盾解决部分一般都会放在续写部分，以便考查考生对故事情节的理解能力、对故事主线的把控能力、对故事高潮发展的构思和想象能力，以及设计故事矛盾解决的语言表达能力。因此，构思故事情节、设计故事中矛盾解决的方式和方法是读后续写的主要考查点。

如高考改革试验区浙江2020年7月的读后续写，作者和妻子去拍摄北极熊的照片，结果引来了北极熊的造访。 在原文的故事中，作者用胡椒粉喷雾暂时赶走了这只北极熊，文章的伏笔就在这里。 既然是暂时赶走，那么这只北极熊还是会回来。 接下来才是真正的挑战，也就是故事的高潮。

续写第一段的段首句是“A few minutes later, the bear headed back to our camp.”。 根据故事的发展，本段就是故事发展的高潮，故事的设计需要解决如何对付熊被激怒后，攻击变得更加凶猛的问题。

再如上期中的举例，父亲去湿地教孩子打猎，而孩子不喜欢打猎，喜欢摄影。续写第一段的段首句是 “His father asked with apparent anger, ‘Why didn't you shoot?’”，本句就是矛盾发展的高潮，而本段续写就是要求考生根据故事发展的线索，设计出解决矛盾的故事情节。

【名师导学】

一、根据文章的结构和续写的提示句构思续写部分的故事情节

设计续写故事情节一定要结合原文的信息要素和故事发展的特征来进行。在设计续写部分故事情节的时候，首先要对原文的信息要素有清楚的了解， 理清原文要素之间的关系，这样才能对原文的故事有深刻、 准确的理解，从而对原文故事的背景、承启、转折、发展等关系有准确的认识。

以2020年7月浙江高考卷为例：

One fall, my wife Elli and I had a single goal: to photograph polar bears. We were staying at a research camp outside “the polar bear capital of the world”—the town of Churchill in Manitoba, Canada.

Taking pictures of polar bears is amazing but also dangerous. Polar bears—like all wild animals—should be photographed from a safe distance. When I'm face to face with a polar bear, I like it to be through a camera with a telephoto lens. But sometimes, that is easier said than done. This was one of those times.

As Elli and I cooked dinner, a young male polar bear who was playing in a nearby lake sniffed, and smelled our garlic bread.

The hungry bear followed his nose to our camp, which was surrounded by a high wire fence. He pulled and bit the wire. He stood on his back legs and pushed at the wooden fence posts.

Terrified, Elli and I tried all the bear defense actions we knew. We yelled at the bear,hit pots hard, and fired blank shotgun shells into the air. Sometimes loud noises like these will scare bears off. Not this polar bear though—he just kept trying to tear down the fence with his massive paws (爪子).

I radioed the camp manager for help. He told me a helicopter was on its way, but it would be 30 minutes before it arrived. Making the best of this close encounter (相遇), I took some pictures of the bear.

Elli and I feared the fence wouldn't last through 30 more minutes of the bear's punishment. The camp manager suggested I use pepper spray. The spray burns the bears' eyes, but doesn't hurt them. So I approached our uninvited guest slowly and, through the fence, sprayed him in the face. With an angry roar (吼叫), the bear ran to the lake to wash his eyes.

Paragraph 1:

A few minutes later, the bear headed back to our camp._____________________________

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Paragraph 2:

At that very moment, the helicopter arrived.

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本文的主题语境是人与自然，主要是关于作者、作者的妻子Elli和一只北极熊的故事。

●故事的基本要素

Who: my wife Elli and I, a young male polar bear

Where: a research camp in Manitoba, Canada

When: one fall

Why: to photograph polar bears

●故事情节

背景：My wife Elli and I went to photograph polar bears in the town of Churchill in Manitoba, Canada.

承启：A young male polar bear was attracted to our camp by our dinner smell.

The bear pushed at the wooden fence posts.

发展：We tried our best to drive it away,but in vain.

I sprayed pepper spray to the bear's face.

The bear was angry and ran to the lake to wash his eyes.

高潮：A few minutes later, the bear headed back to our camp.

结果：At that very moment, the helicopter arrived.

本文续写的要求就是要描写高潮部分和最后的结果部分。 根据文章的发展，续写第一段内容要有符合原文故事发展的合理情节，我们要用生动的语言描述人和熊斗智斗勇的情景。 而根据续写第二段的段首句， 也就是“At that very moment, the helicopter arrived.”可知，故事的最终设计应该是“我们”在和熊的斗争中全身而退，因此故事的设计要以此为基础。

根据文章内容，我们可以判断出文章的立意是培养学生热爱自然、注重安全、自我保护的核心素养。 因此，续写时一定要注意过程凶险，但是结局美好。 千万不要出现任何有关人或熊受到伤害的残忍情节。

二、用生动的语言丰富具体细节

在确定好了故事的情节、语言的基调之后，我们在叙述故事情节时，要用语言、动作、场景等来支持和衬托情节。

1. 支持文章构思的情感描述。根据故事的发展，在语言上，我们可以用表达惊慌失措的词和句子，如anger、frighten、terror、“What can we do?”等。

2. 用生动的动作描述词汇来支持文章的故事。在本文中，动作设计可以有熊的动作，如attack the fence even more violently、pound the fence；可以有“我”的动作，也可以有妻子的动作，如“She grabbed a big piece of garlic bread from the plate and threw it across the fence.”“Climbing quickly into the helicopter, I slowly recollected myself! ”。

3. 支持文章构思的场景描述。场景是衬托故事非常重要的因素，在故事的发展中起着非常重要的作用。 在记述故事的发展过程中，我们可以借助场景的描写来烘托气氛。 如本文中， 我们可以使用场景描写的词汇和句子：“She grabbed a big piece of garlic bread from the plate and threw it across the fence, which immediately drew the bear's attention. It stopped pounding the fence and walked towards the bread, but came back again in a minute when it finished the bread.”。

三、参考范文及分析

1. 参考范文

A few minutes later, the bear headed back to our camp. Probably angered by the spray, the bear started attacking the fence even more violently. Not knowing what to do, I just stood frozen there. Apparently, Elli was in a much more clear head facing this critical situation.She grabbed a big piece of garlic bread from the plate and threw it across the fence, which immediately drew the bear's attention. It stopped pounding the fence and walked towards the bread, but came back again in a minute when it finished the bread.

At that very moment, the helicopter arrived.The noises of the helicopter frightened the bear away, which leaped clumsily into the bush. Although it disappeared temporarily, we dared not remain there anymore. Climbing quickly into the helicopter, I slowly recollected myself! At our request, the helicopter circled the snowy area to follow the bear, so that we could take more photographs of the bear running along through the bush. The day was really an adventure, but I thought it was worthwhile. The pictures taken that day were very beautiful. I felt the close-up snaps we took were worth the danger experienced.

2. 范文分析

（1）续写范文情节构思合理，和原文的故事高度契合。 故事结尾有惊无险，而且作者最后很满意自己当天的摄影成果，符合原文作者热爱摄影、热爱自然、热爱动物的本性。

（2）续写范文设计构思巧妙。 范文在刚开始就很巧妙地联系了原文故事中的细节：“The spray burns the bears' eyes, but doesn't hurt them.”。 续 写 用 了 “Probably angered by the spray, the bear started attacking the fence even more violently.”， 这让续写的构思和原文有机地结合了起来。

（3）续写范文的语言风格和原文保持了高度的一致。情感的描述、动作的呈现、过程的叙述都和原文语言色彩一致。 如the bear started attacking the fence even more violently、I slowly recollected myself等。

（4）续写范文语言精彩，使用了丰富的词汇和语言结构。 如丰富的词汇：

attack the fence 攻击篱笆critical situation危急时刻 pound the fence 撞击篱笆leap clumsily 笨拙地跳跃draw the bear's attention吸引了熊的注意recollect myself 恢复了状态at our request 在我们的请求下

高级句式结构：

Probably angered by the spray, the bear started attacking the fence even more violently.可能是被喷雾激怒了，这只熊开始更猛烈地攻击栅栏。 （本句使用了过去分词作原因状语）

Not knowing what to do, I just stood frozen there with terror. 由于不知所措，我害怕地呆立在那里。 （本句使用了现在分词作原因状语）

She grabbed a big piece of garlic bread from the plate and threw it across the fence,which immediately drew the bear's attention. 她从盘子里拿出一大块蒜蓉面包，从栅栏上扔出去，这立刻引起了熊的注意。（本句使用了非限制性定语从句）

Climbing quickly into the helicopter, I slowly recollected myself! 我迅速爬上直升机，慢慢地恢复了状态！ （本句使用了现在分词作时间状语）

【模拟导练】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。特别注意续写故事的构思。

A 12-year-old boy saw a beautiful brooch(胸针) in a shop window that set his heart racing. But the price—five dollars—was too high for Kevin. Five_dollars would buy almost a week's food for his family.

Kevin couldn't ask his father for the money.Everything his father made through fishing went to his mother, Dora. Slim and beautiful, she was the center of the home, the glue that held it together. The housework was never-ending, and she struggled to support their five children, but she was happy as her family and their well-being were all she cared about.

Nevertheless, he opened the shop's weathered door and went inside. Standing proud and straight in his flour-sack shirt and washed-out trousers, he told the shopkeeper what he wanted,adding, “But I don't have the money right now.Can you please hold it for some time?”

“I'll try,” the shopkeeper smiled. “People around here don't usually have that kind of money to spend on things. It should keep for a while.”

Kevin respectfully touched his worn cap and walked out.

He would raise the money and not tell anybody, for he thought Mum would get surprised when she saw that brooch. On hearing the sound of hammering from a side street, Kevin suddenly had an idea that he could raise money by selling the used nail bags. People built their own buildings in Bay Roberts, using nails bought in bags from a local factory. Sometimes the used nail bags were thrown away at the construction site,and Kevin knew he could sell them back to the factory for five cents a piece.

That day he sold two nail bags and hid the money in a rusty soda tin.

注意：

1. 所续写短文的词数应为150左右；

2. 应使用至少5个短文中标有下划线的关键词；

3. 续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好。

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Every day after school, Kevin started his plan.___________________________________

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Paragraph 2:

Finally, the time came!_______________

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参考范文

Every day after school, Kevin started his plan. Cold and hungry, Kevin wandered the streets, searching for the nail bags carefully. To save more money, he even decided to deliver papers in the early morning. Exhausted and tired as he felt, he still stuck to the plan. It was the brooch in the shop window that reminded him that what he did was worthwhile. After a long time of hard work, he made it eventually.

Finally, the time came! He took out the soda tin, poured the coins out and began to count. Five dollars! His hard work paid off!Holding the soda tin firmly, Kevin rushed for the shop to buy the brooch. The moment he got the beautiful brooch, he ran back as fast as he could, breathless all the way. Arriving home, he burst through the front door and placed it in his mother's hand. Never had Dora received such a gift. Speechless and happy, she held her son tightly into her arms, with tears welling up in her eyes.

【评价导思】

1. 故事构思是否合理：

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2. 情节表达是否到位：

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3. 语言运用是否丰富：

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