Who’s Knocking at the Door?

By Fang Zhaoxiang

Two families, both with only one son, lived next door to each other.One of the sons was extremely intelligent, while the other was thickheaded. One day the father of the dimwit went knocking at the neighbor’s door, and a voice came from inside the house: “May I ask,who is out there?”

Hearing this reply, the father thought: “Hey, who’s this so cultured and polished?” and promptly replied, “It is me!”

As the door swung open, it was the clever little kid standing there. Seeing it was the man from next door, the kid immediately bowed to him and said, “It is the esteemed presence of his Excellency. Please excuse me for not coming out to meet you.”

Upon hearing this, the man was even more impressed with the child’s upbringing and manners. He was utterly thrilled.Remembering whom he was there to see he hurriedly asked, “Is your father home?”

The child replied, “My father has gone to the other side of the mountain to play chess with the master monk.”

“Oh, when will he be back then?”

“If he comes back early, it will be at sundown; if late, he will room with the master.”

As the child talked so eloquently and respectfully, the man thought of his own son, who couldn’t even hold a candle to the neighbor’s kid. Upon returning home, he scolded his own child for all the things he couldn’t do right,right in front of his wife.

His wife said, “You’d better not use other children’s ambitions to destroy our son’s dignity.You’re only talking about a few sentences, as if our son couldn’t learn to say the same way.”

A few days later, the lady from the next door came knocking at the door of the dimwit child’s home. His father got him to answer the door.

From behind the door the child asked, “May I ask, who is out there?”

His father, listening, thought that everything was going according to plan, and even began to feel that his son was not as dull as he had reckoned, for his son mastered what he was supposed to say straight away.

The woman outside replied, “It is me.”

The man’s son opened the door immediately, and gave a bow, “It is the esteemed presence of her Excellency. Please excuse me for not coming out to meet you.”

Hearing this, his father felt that his son was really quite mannered.

The woman asked, “Is your mother at home?”

The kid, without hesitation,replied, “Mother has gone to the other side of the mountain to play chess with the master monk.”

His father became anxious, as his son messed it up and began to talk waffle.

The woman, slightly taken aback, asked, “Oh, is that right?When will she be back then?”

The kid, assuredly, replied, “If she comes back early, it will be at sundown; if late, she will room with the master.”

Before the woman realized what had happened, the father of the dimwit had already become so angry that he frothed at the mouth and fell to the floor.

(From Ramblings of a Secretary, Anhui Literature and Art Publishing House.Translation: Sam Bowden)

外面何人击户

文/方兆祥

相邻两家各有一个儿子，一个聪颖无比，一个愚钝冥顽。有一天，愚钝孩子的父亲去敲邻家大门，门内发问：“外面何人击户？”

这位父亲一听，嗬，说话文绉绉的，连忙应道：“是我。”

大门一开，门内站着那个聪颖的孩子，见了邻居大伯，连忙施礼：“原来是伯父大人驾到，有失远迎。”

大伯一听，更觉得这孩子有文化、有礼貌，满心欢喜。想到自己是来找人的，忙问：“你父亲在家吗？”

那孩子回答：“家父到后山与高僧弈棋去了。”

“啊，那什么时候回来呀？”

“早则日落方归，晚则与高僧同宿。”

大伯一听，这孩子口齿伶俐，彬彬有礼，说话很有分寸，觉得确实比自己的儿子强多了。回到家里，他当着老婆的面，把自己的儿子数落一番。

老婆说：“你也别长了人家儿子志气，灭了咱儿子威风，不就几句简单的话吗，咱儿子还学不会？”

过了几日，邻家女主人来敲他们家大门，父亲让儿子去开门。

这孩子隔着门问：“外面何人击户？”

他父亲一听，有门儿，觉得儿子还算聪明，一学就会了。

外面的女人答道：“是我。”

儿子把门打开，连忙施了一礼：“原来是伯母大人驾到，有失远迎。”

他父亲一听，还真是有礼貌。

伯母问：“你母亲在家吗？”

那孩子毫不犹豫地回答：“家母到后山与高僧弈棋去了。”

他父亲一听：坏了坏了，这不是胡说八道吗？

那位伯母一听，也有点惊讶：“哟，有这么回事？那她什么时候回来呀？”

孩子肯定地答复：“早则日落方归，晚则与高僧同宿。”

没等隔壁的伯母反应过来，孩子的父亲已经气得口冒白沫，翻倒在地。