坠入爱河，拥抱新美食

I never intended to become a vegetarian—least of all for love.

That all changed one night in a seafood restaurant in Boston.

I was out with the man Id just started dating. Sajan is from an Indian family in Montreal， he had been a vegetarian since childhood， and he was struggling to convince the waiter to make something—anything—he could eat.

Id been looking forward to a nice grilled2） fish or maybe some mussels3） simmered4） in something zesty5）. But in that moment， I realized Sajan would be lucky to get a dish of penne6） with tomato sauce.

I went veg that night， and we shared that pitiful plate of pasta. It was an easy decision， but it changed my relationship with my own family in ways I couldnt have imagined.

I missed sushi the most， at first. But after I met Sajans family， there was a whole new culinary world to explore.

Sajans mom is an amazing cook， and I loved eating her food and learning her Punjabi7） recipes. Sajan never demanded I give up my own cuisine. But I knew how much he wanted to preserve his Indian heritage， and food seemed like a tangible way to do that.

But the older I get， the more I wonder if， in embracing my husbands cuisine， I neglected my parents traditions.

This past fall， after 10 years of marriage， our son Dev was born. Now Im a parent， too. I know how it feels to cradle8） my son in my arms and spoon food into his mouth. Its the ultimate act of nurturing. If he ever turned his back on our food， it would hurt. And I find myself thinking of my own mom—and how rarely I eat her food.

Like my mother-in-law， my mom is a good cook—but shes more comfortable with meals where meat is the centerpiece. When Sajan and I come home for a visit， my mom starts planning our meals weeks before we arrive. She needs time to figure out how to feed us.

She researches new vegetarian dishes （eggplant parm） and invents others （tofu marsala！）. She stocks up on beans and yogurt （even though she dislikes both）. And Sajan and I chip in， too—whipping up9） pots of Indian daal （lentil soup） or chana masala （spiced chickpeas）.

So often， even though were all sitting at the table together， were eating different meals. Ive never really talked with my mom about the food tensions in our relationship. But earlier this summer， when we brought Dev to spend a week with his grandparents in Iowa， I finally asked her about it.

“It is sometimes a challenge when youre home because I dont know how to cook the kinds of hearty10）， healthy things that you cook with daal and vegetables，” she admitted. “But it was really important to Dad and me that we honor [your and Sajans Indian vegetarian diet] and respect that because this was your future.”endprint

It turns out that my mom also had some questions of her own for me：

“You dont miss the flavors you grew up with？”

I do. And I dont.

My mom still makes my favorite cookies （molasses crunchies）. But Ive been away from home for so long， Ive become attached to lots of new foods. After ten years of fighting upset stomachs with khichri and starting my days with chai， Indian food has also become my food.

And its important to me that our son Dev feel connected to his Indian heritage. I worry that he wont know real Indian food and culture unless he gets it from us at home.

But my own mom can no longer feed me the way she used to. I always assumed she felt hurt by that， but talking to her in Iowa， I realized I was wrong.

“That is the plan，” she told me. “Youre my daughter， but youre not my child. You have your own home and you do things your way. We send you out and we expect that youre going to learn new things. And you have.”

There are so many different ways to show love through food—you can cook for someone， you can feed them.

Or you can just make a little room at the table for what they love to eat.

当我不再吃从小到大吃惯的妈妈做的饭菜，转为追随爱人成为素食主义者时，我妈妈并不为此难过，反而支持和尊重我，没有以爱的名义干涉我的自由选择。

我从未打算成为一个素食主义者——尤其是为了爱情这么做。

在波士顿一家海鲜餐馆里的那个晚上这一切都改变了。

我和自己刚开始约会的那个男人一起出去。他叫萨扬，来自印度家庭，住在蒙特利尔，从小就是一个素食主义者。他竭力说服服务员做些他能吃的饭菜，只要能吃就行。

我本来一直期待享用美味的烤鱼，或是加入诱人配料煨炖的贻贝。但当时我意识到，萨扬要是能有一盘加番茄酱的通心粉，就算是走运了。

那晚我成了一個素食主义者，我们一起吃完了那盘可怜的意大利面。做出这个决定很容易，但这个决定竟以我意想不到的方式改变了我与自己家人的关系。

起初，我最想念吃寿司。但在我遇到萨扬一家后，一个全新的烹饪领域等着我去探索。

萨扬妈妈是位了不起的厨师，我喜欢吃她做的食物，学习她的旁遮普食谱。萨扬从不要求我放弃自己的饮食习惯。但我知道他有多么想延续自己的印度传统，而保留饮食习惯似乎是一个实实在在的办法。

但自己的年龄越大，我越想知道自己接受丈夫的饮食习惯，是否就因此忽略了父母的饮食传统。

结婚十年后，在这个刚刚过去的秋天，我们的儿子德夫出生了。现在我也当母亲了。我知道把儿子抱在怀里，给他喂食物是什么感觉。这是养育最基本的行为。如果他不吃我们做的食物，我们就会伤心。我不禁想起自己的母亲——我极少吃她做的饭菜。

像我婆婆一样，我母亲厨艺也很优秀，不过她更擅长做以肉为主的饭菜。萨扬和我回家探望时，我母亲在我们到家几周前就开始计划我们的饭菜了。她需要花时间搞清楚应给我们做什么吃的。

她开始研究新的素菜（奶酪茄子）并独创了一些菜肴（马沙拉酒泡豆腐）。她储备豆子和酸奶（尽管她不喜欢这两样食品）。萨扬和我也加入，很快就做好了几锅印度扁豆汤（扁豆汤）或是咖喱鹰嘴豆（加满香料的鹰嘴豆）。

经常的情况是，我们尽管一起坐在一个饭桌旁用餐，但吃的是不同的饭菜。我从未真正和母亲谈过彼此关系中存在的食物冲突问题。但今年夏初，我和爱人带德夫在爱荷华州和姥姥、姥爷共度一周时，我终于问了母亲这个问题。

“你回家时，我不知道怎么用扁豆和蔬菜做既丰盛又健康的饭菜，有时确实是个挑战，”她坦言道，“但你爸和我必须尊重你和萨扬的印度素食饮食习惯，这一点非常重要，因为这关乎的是你自己的未来。”

原来我妈妈也有一些问题要问我：

“你不怀念从小吃到大的饭菜吗？”

我怀念。也不怀念。

我妈仍然做了我最爱吃的饼干（糖蜜味脆饼干）。不过，我已离家很久，已经爱上很多新的食物。与让我肠胃不舒服的印度米豆粥打交道，以印度茶开始我的每一天，这样过了十年后，印度的饭菜已成了我的饮食习惯。

让我们的儿子德夫感受到与印度文化传统的联系，这对我来说很重要。我担忧的是他无法了解真正的印度食物和文化，除非在家里从我们这里了解。

不过，我妈妈不能再像过去那样给我做饭了。对此我一直觉得她会难过的，但在爱荷华州和她谈及此事时，我意识到我错了。

“就是这安排，”她告诉我，“你是我的女儿，但不再是我的孩子了。你有自己的家庭，你按自己的方式做事。我们送你出去，希望你学到新的东西。你也的确学到新东西了。”

用食物表达爱意的方式很多——你可以为某人烹饪，给他们做吃的。

或者你可以在餐桌上腾个小空间，放上他们喜欢吃的食物。endprint