翻译擂台（第11期）

翻译擂台（第11期）

【原文】

美德成于心，

诚信见于行，

文明贵于恒。

【点评】

本期原文是一条公益广告，即以社会公众利益为目的而设计的一种普及、非营利的广告，具有效益性、现实性和号召性三大特点。在翻译上，又可归为“公示语翻译”，既有普遍性，又有特殊性。

普遍性，是指其具有一般翻译的性质；特殊性，则指其特有的言简意赅，捉人眼球。例如，“热烈欢迎外国朋友来我校参观指导！”，许多人会翻译成“Warmly welcome foreign friends come to our school for inspection!”，实则，可以大大简化为“Welcome to our school!”或“Our school welcome you!”。而“美食天堂，异彩平添”不必按字面意思译成“Delicious heaven; Extraordinary splendor in riotous profusion”，而Food Paradise即可解决。至于“生意兴隆通四海，财源茂盛达三江”，若译成“Business is thriving, reaching out to the fi ve continents of the world; Revenues are accruing, fl owing in from the four corners of the earth”，则难以吸引大众的注意，故不妨精练为“Business booms far and near, pro fi ts net there and here”。

可能因本次原文看似简单，所以参赛者人数剧增。然而，“言简意不简”，许多译文又过于简单，且有语法错误，典型的，如：①Virtue forms in mind;/Honesty shows in behavior; / Civilization lies in persistence. ②Virtue is established in souls, / Integrity is seen in actions, / Civilization is valued in perseverance.

其中，一些关键字眼值得认真推敲。如“成于心”，将“成”译成form、establish、shape、produce、become等都略显简单；这里表述的是一种心智的历练过程，故不如用nurture、foster、cultivate等。至于“心”，如以往所述，有mind、heart、soul等之分。西方文化里，mind一般代表理智，heart则为多为情感，如英语说：My mind tells me “no”, but my heart tellsme “yes”.（我的理智对我说不，但我的情感却令我屈从。）希拉里（Hillary）在回忆录中说，她嫁给克林顿（Clinton）主要是followed her heart but not her mind，言外之意，若依理性而非情感，可能就不会嫁给他了。当然，实际运用中heart亦可包括理性成分，如：①若有人提出批评意见，我会非常在意的。（If someone says something critical I take it to heart.）②他告诉她，自己所做的一切都是为了她好。（He told her that he only had her interests at heart.）所以，heart比mind的涵义更广。而soul则更多强调“deep feeling or emotion, the spiritual part of a person, believed to exist after death”，不乏宗教色彩，如：He believed his immortal soul was in peril.（他认为他不死的灵魂有堕入地狱的危险。）故应慎用。

“见于行”，将“见”译成see、exist、show亦略显肤浅，不如manifest、evidence、reveal等贴切，而“行”又有behavior、action、conduct、deed等选择。分析起来，①behavior：the reaction of something under speci fi ed circumstances，即具体环境中的行为；②action：something done (usually as opposed to something said)，即主要相对“言”的实际行动；③conduct：manner of acting or conducting yourself, namely a person’s way of behaving (behavioral attributes), the way a person behaves toward other people，即侧重于人际关系方面的行为；④deed：a notable achievement，即多为褒义举动。综合考虑，似以action为宜。

最后一句中的“文明”，参赛者大都按字面意思译成了civilization，但其实经不住推敲。该词的基本涵义为：A society in an advanced state of social development (e.g., with complex legal and political and religious organizations);the fact of becoming or state of being highly developed socially, with a system of government, methods of education etc.即主要是对社会整体进步程度而言的，如：In 20 years they have reached the level of civilization it took our society a century to reach.（他们用二十年达到了我们社会花了一个世纪才达到的文明程度。）而这里指的主要是个人行为。类似的，有的用了culture，其实该词本质上也是集体行为（all the knowledge, values and customs shared by a society or a group of people in a society）。容易误译的，如将一个人的“文化水平”译成cultural level，实际应为educational background或schooling等。细加分析，这里的“文明”指的是个人素质，于是quality、quality people、good qualities便应进入首选范畴，如：①Quality people are essences in our quest for quality service.（优秀人员是提供高质素服务的先决条件。）②Those are good qualities that we would want in every employee.（这些都是我们想要每位员工都具备的良好素质。）③他有许多好的品质，其中最好的就是善良。（He has many good qualities, but his best quality is his kindness.）有的译者采用了这样的句式：

He who has great virtues has rooted his righteous behaviors in his heart deep.

He who is a man of integrity only reveals himself from his acts followed.

He who is a civilized citizen only shines in his persistence in behaviors related.

显示其阅读范围和素养，其思路也值得肯定；不足之处，在于不够确切和工整，故不妨修改如下：

He who is virtuous has his righteousness rooted in the heart;

He who is honest has his credibility manifested in actions;

He who is civil has his qualityattested in persistence.

就本质而言，“公示语”是一种在公众场合看的语言，负载着某种社交的特殊使命，因而又要注重通俗、易接受。这就不能不涉及到之前论述过的汉英“意合”与“形合”的特点。简言之，汉语是“意合”（Paratactic），即句中及句间的语法意义是靠其内在涵义和逻辑关系来表达的（The grammatical relations are conveyed by the connotations and logic contained within or between the sentences），而英语在性质上是一种“形合”（Hypotactic）的语言，即句中及句之间的成分是靠语言形式相连接（The dependent or subordinate construction or relationship of clauses are linked with connectives）。典型的例子，如“早知这样，我就不来了”，译为英文则要加上许多“零碎”：If I had known it earlier, I would not have come等。

据此，该三句也可融合为：While virtue is nurtured in the heart, credibility has to be attested by one’s actions, and time ultimately proves good qualities.在许多情况下，同样可以收到公益广告的宣传效果。

（点评人：林巍，暨南大学翻译学院特聘教授）

【优胜者】

@月之刃 @sunzhengye @benny