荒野独行

By+Andrew+B.++范婕

Over 50 miles from the nearest gas station and a five-day paddle from any sort of infrastructure1）， I stepped out of the canoe， waved good-bye to my fellows and entered the unknown. Armed with my pocket knife， a tarp2）， 20 feet of rope， a fishing rod， a Bible， a journal， my sleeping bag， clothes， water， an apple and two granola3） bars， I suddenly realized that for the next 48 hours， these would be my only companions. As I stood on the shoreline， staring into the decomposing4） forest of Northern Quebec， with the sun setting on my back， I was frozen and irritated. Swatting5） at swarms of mosquitoes， I wondered， "Whose idea was this anyway？ What benefit is there to spending two days alone with nothing but trees and bugs？"

Awakening the next morning to a soaked sleeping bag and pummeling6） rain only heightened my discontent， yet it was under these conditions that I was able to clearly examine my life in a way I never had before. As my solo experience took its course7）， the saying "The quieter you become， the more you can hear" took on a whole new meaning.

I had been in the wilderness before； most of my summer had been spent outdoors climbing mountains and growing in a dynamic group. But being here alone， removed from every distraction in such a remote place， had a completely different effect. What started as a seemingly pointless and agitating proposition8） transformed into a beneficial one that I knew I would take full advantage of. So， instead of sitting under the tarp brooding9） about my misfortune and cursing the rain， I made the most of it. Every difficulty that came my way， I took on with impassioned vigor. When it started to rain and I got wet because I hadn't set up my tarp correctly， it was my fault. There was no one else to blame. The realization that I was responsible for controlling all time and action and overcoming all conflict had an immediate effect. Consequently， as I went about my day reading， fishing and writing， I underwent some serious introspection10）. As a result I began to see myself as an individual adept at overcoming challenges of any environment.

As I came to see my own power and potential， I also found myself examining the many relationships and people who have graced11） my life. From family to friends， away from the everyday hustle and bustle12） of life， appraisal13） and investigation of how my actions affected both their lives and mine became increasingly natural.

As the hours wore on14）， my stomach started to growl， and discomfort reached an all-time high. Oddly， though， things became clearer. The adversity had in fact spawned15） a growth process， one that would stick with me and equip me with a new sense of individuality and awareness of my role as a human being. And although I was miserable， hungry and irritated at the time， looking back， I cherish those moments to myself huddled in a soaked sleeping bag in the middle of nowhere.

这里离最近的加油站有50多英里，到达任何一种基础设施都要划五天的船，我迈出独木舟，挥手告别伙伴们，进入了一片未知的世界。我带有一把折叠小刀、一张防雨布、一根20英尺长的绳子、一根鱼竿、一本《圣经》、一个日记本、我的睡袋、几件衣服、一些水、一个苹果以及两条格兰诺拉燕麦棒。我突然意识到，在接下来的48小时里仅有这些东西与我相伴了。夕阳西下，我站在岸边，凝望着加拿大魁北克北部地区腐化的树林，一动不动，心里还有些恼火。我一边拍打成群的蚊子，一边想：“这到底是谁出的主意？独处两天的时间，身边只有树和虫子，能有什么好处？”

第二天清晨醒来，我的睡袋都湿透了，雨稀里哗啦下个不停，这些只能令我心中更加不满。但正是身处这样的境况，我才得以用前所未有的方式清晰地审视自己的生活。随着我的荒野独行自然而然地进行，“内心越安宁，能听到的东西就越多”这句俗语也有了全新的意义。

我以前也曾在野外待过，夏天的大部分时间都在户外度过：爬山，和充满活力的小伙伴们一起长大。而在如此偏远的地方孤身一人，远离任何娱乐消遣，却有着完全不同的作用。开始时觉得貌似毫无意义、令人心烦气躁的事情转变成了一件我知道自己会充分利用的事。于是，我不再坐在防雨布下哀叹霉运，不再因为下雨而骂骂咧咧，反而充分利用这一切。每一个挡在面前的困难，我都活力四射地去面对。下起雨时如果我被淋湿，那是因为自己没有正确地支好防雨布，这是我的问题，怪不得别人。所有的时间与行动都要由我来掌控，所有的困难也都要由我自己去克服，意识到了这一点就立刻产生了效果。因此，我在这一天读书、写作、钓鱼时，也在进行认真的反省。结果，我开始觉得自己是一个在任何环境下都擅长克服困难的人。

随着我渐渐发现自身所具备的力量与潜能，我还不知不觉在审视我和很多人的关系以及为我的生活增色的人们。远离生活中每天的熙熙攘攘，我评估和探查自己的行为曾怎样影响过从家人到朋友的生活以及自己的生活，这变得越来越自然。

几个小时过去了，肚子开始咕咕叫，身体的不适到了前所未有的地步，然而奇怪的是，思维却变得更加清晰。这次遭遇实际上促成了我的一次成长过程，而这成长过程令我终生难忘，让我对个体有了新的认识，并且意识到了自己作为人类的角色。尽管那时我痛苦可怜、饥肠辘辘、烦躁不安，但现在回想起来，我珍惜那些蜷缩在一个湿漉漉的睡袋里、周围了无人烟的时刻。