说服性书信写作一例

唐玉菊　王锋　何伟华

每年高考，各个考点都会挤满陪考的家长。假如你是即将参加高考的李华，你的父母就此事写信征询你的意见，请你根据以下要点给父母写一封回信，谈谈自己的想法。

1. 不想因为自己高考而耽搁他们的工作；

2. 相信自己有独立处理事情、面对挑战的能力。

注意： 1. 词数：100左右；

2.可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。

参考词汇： 高考 the College Entrance Examination Dear Mom and Dad，

Yours sincerely，Li Hua

习作1

Dear Mom and Dad，

Im writing this letter with the purpose of telling my own opinion towards the issue.

There is a growing tendency among parents to accompany their children during the College Entrance Examination. This is due to the significance of the examination. However， in my opinion， you neednt do like that. For one thing， a lot of work should be done. Therefore， its unnecessary for you to put off the work owing to my examination. For another thing， I believe I have the ability to deal with the problem by myself. To be precise， the College Entrance Examination is a big challenge that must be faced. In that case， I want to face it without your help.

I hope you can understand me and agree with my choice.

Your sincerely，

Li Hua

评分：21分。

本篇作文属于第五档。

得分理由：

1. 结构布局。本文为三段式作文：

第一段提出写信的目的。

第二段作者按照题目要求谈了自己对父母陪读的想法。此段内容覆盖了两个要点：（1）不想因为自己高考而耽搁他们的工作；（2）相信自己有独立处理事情、面对挑战的能力。

第三段简短紧凑。

2. 亮点词汇。如：tendency， issue， due to， significance， owing to， to be precise， in my opinion。

3. 亮点句式。如：There is a growing tendency among somebody to do something—the College Entrance Examination is a big challenge that must be faced。

4. 过渡词。如：however，for one thing，for another thing，therefore，in that case。

优点

1. 书信的内容覆盖了要点。

2. 作文采用三段式结构谋篇行文。过渡词的使用使得文章浑然一体，结构紧凑，行文流畅，层次分明。

3. 文中使用了很多高级词汇，此外还有好的句型，插入语的使用如in my opinion，to be precise以及宾语从句和定语从句的使用如I believe I have the ability to deal with the problem by myself. To be precise，the College Entrance Examination is a big challenge that must be faced. 这不仅彰显了作者的语言功底和写作技巧，也提高了作文的评分档次。

缺点：

1. 文章第一段给人感觉有点太唐突，作者首段应提到父母的上次来信。

2. 词汇的选用有点问题。如：I am writing this letter with the purpose of telling my own opinion towards the issue. 中的this应改为the。

3. 书信属于应用文体，最后加上结束语更好些。

4. 文中复杂结构使用得不是太多。

修改意见：

1. 首段这样写更好些：In your last letter， you asked me if it was necessary for you to keep me company during the College Entrance Examination. Here Im writing to you to voice my opinion about the issue.

2. 应该把you neednt do like that改为：Its unnecessary for you to accompany me ...。

3. 把To be precise，the College Entrance Examination is a big challenge that must be faced. In that case，改为： ... must be faced，in which case ...更好些。

总的说来，这是一篇很好的学生写作，亮点很多，应该评为最高档作文。

习作2

Dear Mom and Dad，

As time went by， the College Entrance Examination is drawing near. Its just one of the most significant events in my whole life. Therefore， youd like to keep company with me.

Firstly， I would appreciate it for your concerning about me. Nevertheless， not only will it have an influence on your busy work， but also I will think Im still a child. Believe in me， I have the ability to deal with problems and face the challenges well by myself. In addition to that， Ill go to a lot of trouble to have the exam in order to be admitted to my dreaming college. With regard to the company， by no means will I agree to it！

At the end of the letter， wish you happy forever！

Your sincerely，

Li Hua

评分：16分。

这篇作文属于第四档。

得分理由：

1. 结构布局。本文为三段式作文

第一段表明作者理解父母为什么要陪读。

第二段表明作者对父母陪读这件事所持的态度，并说明为什么不要父母陪读。此段覆盖了题目要求的两个要点。

第三段简短地结束并对父母提出祝愿。

2. 亮点词汇。如：draw near， significant， appreciate， have an influence on， be admitted to， with regard to ...。

3. 亮点句式。如：

倒装句式：not only will it have an influence an your busy work，but also I will think Im a still child. by no means will I agree to it.

时间状语从句：As time goes by ...。

祈使句：believe in me ...。

4. 过渡词。如：firstly，therefore，nevertheless，in addition。

优点

1. 采用了三段式结构。文中过渡词的使用得当。

2. 作文中使用了很多高级词汇，还有高级句式，如：倒装句、有as引导的时间状语从句、that引导的宾语从句、and引导的并列句以及祈使句believe in me等。作文中这些高级词汇和短语，复杂结构与简单结构的交替使用正是作者的语言功底和写作技巧的有力体现。

缺点

1. 这篇习作同样没有在第一段应提到父母的上次来信。

2. 本文写作时没有注意前后句的时态一致而导致时态方面的错误，如：as time went by用的是一般过去时，这与整篇习作的时态不一致；没有记牢某些词的用法与搭配，如“陪伴我”应为keep me company，而本文写成了keep company with me；因为某事感激某人应为be grateful to somebody for something，而本文把grateful与appreciate的用法混淆了；表达祝某人幸福wish后面应接名词happiness而本文错写成形容词happy。

语法方面作者没有搞清楚关系代词that与which的区别，把that放在介词in addition to的后面。

3. 作者为了多用高级句型而使得句子有点不合逻辑，表达不太恰当。如：Not only will it have an influence on your busy work，but also I will think Im not a child. “不仅影响你们的工作，而且我不再是个小孩”，此句逻辑不通。By no means will I agree to it. 此句的语气太过强硬，应体现书信题材的要求，用语要委婉些。又如，表达“让家长放心，自己将尽自己最大努力复习备考，力争被理想的大学录取”，此处短语用得不太恰当。go to a lot of trouble to do something意为“不辞劳苦地做某事”，改为take trouble to take the examinations in order to ...或spare no effort to take the exminations in order to ...（尽心尽力做某事）更妥当。

修改意见：

1. 首段应加上：you asked me whether there is need for you to keep me company when I am taking the College Entrance Examination. 另外，首句应改为as time goes by。

2. 第二段第一句应改为I would be grateful to you for you concern about me.

3. 把Not only will it have an influence on your work，but also I am not a child改为Not only will it put more press on me，but also it has an influence on your work.好些。

4. 把in addition to that句中的后两个词去掉。

5. 把Ill go to a lot of trouble to have the exam in order to ...改为Ill spare no effort to take the examination and try my best to be admitted to my dreaming college.

6. 把by no means ...改为I think you should give a chance and believe me，I have the confidence in succeeding in passing the examination.

7. 信的最后一段改为Best wishes to you and wish you happiness forever.更地道。

参考范文

Dear Mom and Dad，

First， I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to you for your company and encouragement all the time while I am busy preparing for the College Entrance Examination.

In your last letter， you asked me if it was necessary for you to keep me company when taking the examination. To be honest， I would like you to work as usual and I dont want to disturb your daily life or work. In addition， I am proud to tell you that I have already grown up and I can take care of myself and deal with my own things. Faced with such an important examination， I have great confidence in doing it well and Im sure I will succeed.

Therefore， please believe me and give me a chance to do it by myself.

Best wishes！

Yours sincerely，Li Hua