正能量抗癌记

by Claudia Infusino 译/张玲

At twenty-four， I had just finished school， was planning my wedding and felt fully in control of my life. I thought I had it all—an education， a wonderful fiancé， a great family—but I would soon learn that I had breast cancer， too.

The beginning of 2009 had been filled with lots of things to look forward to. My social life was just as it always was—nights out to concerts， hanging out with friends， watching films， blogging—and on top of that1） I was starting to think about my wedding and planning for my career.

Having just finished the Book & Magazine Publishing program at Centennial College2）， I was getting my first real taste of the working world as an intern at Faze Magazine， and was feeling as if Id done the right thing by going back to school after graduating from U of T3）. Although I was getting married and preparing for real adulthood， I still felt young and alive， and was so excited to get ready for the next chapter of my life.

Late one night in June of that year I happened to watch Elegy4）， a film where a woman （played by Penelope Cruz5）） gets breast cancer. When it was over， I took a shower and then suddenly， under my soapy hand， I felt a hard little piece of something near my right breast， close to my armpit6）. Perhaps I was subconsciously more aware because of the movie I had just seen， but I was sure there was something strange there and knew I had never noticed it before. The next morning I went to see my doctor， and she sent me to have a mammogram7）.

The mammogram results were inconclusive8）， but to be safe I had a biopsy9） done. On July 15th， a breast specialist looked me straight in the eye and told me it was cancer.

Shock. Fear. Disbelief.

Despite my soup bowl of emotions， from the moment I heard those words the recovery ball was already rolling. The good thing about getting breast cancer at 24 is that people are interested and want to be involved.

I was sent for tests， scans and injections， and a month later underwent surgery that left me with about a quarter of my breast gone. Bummer10）， right？ Obviously. But the good news was， with it went the little tiny tumour11）， less than 9 millimetres small.

This mindset12） of looking on the bright side had been my mentality since the beginning. Was I going to allow my diagnosis to be the end of my happiness？ No. Why？ Because I just refused to let it get in the way of all the good stuff I had going on. I mean， come on， I had a wedding to plan！ I thought about the love of my life， David， and exchanging vows and whenever I felt sick or tired or ugly from the chemotherapy13） I remembered what was to come and what ought to be.

A lot of people would ask me if I was upset about getting cancer， but I would always say， “Upset at who？ At what？” Theres no one to point the finger at.

My belief is that my body is science and sometimes things misfire14）. Im no better than anyone else—people get sick all the time， and I just happened to be one of them. Being angry wasnt going to change anything， and it certainly wasnt going to make everything just disappear.

Dont get me wrong； there were plenty of times I would look in the mirror， stare at my bald head， at the incisions15） the surgery left me with and think to myself， “How can this be happening？” Some days felt like the end of treatments would never come. I would have trouble staying focused， and spent the occasional day feeling sorry for myself while binging16） on the couch. But there were also times， sitting in the Odette Cancer Centre at Sunnybrook， looking around at all the other people， that I realized I wasnt the only one on the planet going through it and—more specifically—I had good people around me， friends and family， as well as age on my side. Some patients were all alone and in a lot worse shape than me. Those were the moments I would gain perspective and remember that this wasnt going to be the end of the world.

With that in mind， I realized that I could take back control over my life by doing the right things and having the right outlook. I knew that the cancer was already there， but I thought about what I could do for myself aside from the treatments. For instance， I immediately looked for information about the right foods to eat and completely changed my diet—which Im still following， and I feel healthier than ever！

I never wanted my diagnosis to be something sad， or limiting， so I decided to have some fun with it and instead of just letting my hair fall out from chemotherapy， I cut my long， brown hair really short and dyed it platinum blonde. Taking that action gave me a sense of choice. And that， ultimately， is how I got through everything. I always knew I had a CHOICE. I could choose to be miserable and feel bad for myself， or， I could choose to stay positive and look at all the things I was lucky for.

I was lucky I caught it early， before it spread. I was lucky to get great medical attention and care. I was lucky to have a supportive and loving family. I was lucky to have the best friend in the entire universe anyone could ever dream of. I was lucky to have a man who loved me enough to stand by me. Maybe these things seem small compared to the weight of a cancer diagnosis， but that is the whole point： choosing to perceive it all in a healthy way.

The biggest decision I made that really helped me was deciding not to cancel my wedding. Despite not knowing how I would feel or look when the big day would arrive， I knew that if I changed the date I would only be letting the cancer defeat me.

And knowing I had such a huge thing to look forward to kept me motivated. It even led me to start an intense workout regime17） after chemotherapy because the treatment left me so weak. I had so much energy at the reception I danced until 2 am. I felt and looked amazing， because I chose to. So what if I had to wear a wig？ I was marrying the most incredible man， and got to share that day with everyone close to me. Those were the important things.

Its only been a few months since Ive finished all my treatments， and Ive already accomplished so much： Ive had my wedding， a 23-day European honeymoon， moved into a condo in the city and started a new job. But there are always endless things to look forward to.

With all the things I will go through， and no matter what comes my way18）， I always remind myself that although the present can be tough， at some point， Im going to look back and take it as a past experience. For me， now， breast cancer was just another thing Ive gone through.

24岁的时候，我刚从学校毕业，正在筹划自己的婚礼，感觉生活一切尽在掌握中。我以为自己已拥有完美的人生——受过高等教育，有一个优秀的未婚夫，还有一个幸福的家庭。但是，没过多久，我得知我还有了乳癌。

2009年初，我的生活充满各种期待。我的社交生活还是一如既往：晚上出去听音乐会，和朋友外出小聚，看电影，写博客。除此之外，我还开始考虑我的婚礼，并着手规划我的职业生涯。

我刚完成百年理工学院图书与杂志出版课程的学习，正以Faze杂志实习生的身份第一次真正感受职场的一切。我觉得自己当初从多伦多大学毕业后重返校园学习似乎是个正确的选择。虽然我马上就要步入婚姻的殿堂，准备迎接真正的成人生活，但我仍然觉得自己年轻无限、充满活力，十分兴奋地准备迎接我人生的新篇章。

那年6月的一天深夜，我碰巧看了一部电影《挽歌》，里面的一个女人（佩内洛普·克鲁兹饰演）得了乳癌。看完电影后，我去冲了个澡。我忽然觉得我那只涂满肥皂的手在右侧乳房附近靠近腋窝的地方摸到了一个小硬块。或许我是因为刚看了那部电影，潜意识里更警觉，但我肯定那个地方有点异样，并且知道我以前从来没有注意到这个问题。第二天上午，我去看了医生，她让我去做一个乳房X光检查。

X光检查结果并没有下什么结论，但为了安全起见，我又做了一个切片检查。7月15日，一位乳腺方面的专家直视着我的眼睛，告诉我，我得了癌症。

一时间我感到震惊，害怕，不敢相信。

尽管我内心百感交集，但其实从我得知自己得了癌症那一刻起，我的康复计划就已经启动了。24岁患乳癌的一个好处在于大家都感兴趣，并希望参与治疗。

我被送去接受各种检查、扫描和注射。一个月后，我接受了外科手术，手术使我失去了大约四分之一的乳房。糟透了，是吗？显然是的。但好消息是，随之而去的还有那不到九毫米大小的小肿瘤。

从一开始，我就保持着往好处想的乐观心态。我会允许这个诊断结果终结我的幸福吗？不会。为什么？因为我的生活中有这么多美好的东西，我决不会让它妨碍这一切。我的意思是，别忘了，我还有一个婚礼要筹划呢！我会想到大卫——我生命中的挚爱，想到我们即将交换的誓言。每当我因为化疗觉得不舒服、疲惫或变丑时，我就会记起我即将迎来的幸福生活以及生活本该有的状态。

很多人都会问我，得了癌症我是否会感到烦恼。但我总是说：“对谁烦啊？烦什么啊？”在这件事情上，我无法指责任何人。

我相信我的身体就跟科学实验一样，有时出问题在所难免。我并不比其他人好——每时每刻都有人生病，而我只不过恰巧是他们中的一个。生气改变不了任何事情，当然也不会让这一切消失。

但请别误会。我也曾很多次站在镜子前，盯着自己光秃秃的脑袋和手术后留下的疤痕，自忖道：“怎么会发生这样的事呢？”有些日子我觉得结束治疗的那一刻永远不会到来了。偶尔某一天，我会难以集中精力做事，然后一边坐在沙发上暴饮暴食，一边为自己感到难过。但也有的时候，当我坐在森尼布鲁克的奥德特癌症中心里环视周围的其他患者时，我会意识到，我并不是这个世界上唯一一个经受这一切的人。更具体点说，我不仅有年龄上的优势，而且身边有很多帮助我的好人陪伴——我的朋友和家人。有些患者则是完全孤零零地自己面对，而且身体状况比我糟得多。这时候我会获得看问题的新视角，并铭记得癌症并不意味着世界末日来临。

有了这样的想法，我意识到只要做正确的事，抱有正确的人生观，我就可以重新掌控自己的生活。我知道患癌症的事实已经无法改变，但除了接受治疗，我也在考虑我还能为自己做些什么。例如，我马上着手寻找关于吃什么食物合适的信息，并彻底改变了我的饮食习惯——我现在依然遵循着这样的饮食习惯，并感觉自己比任何时候都健康！

我从不希望我的诊断结果成为我的伤心事或限制我的生活，所以我决定藉此找些乐子。我没有听凭我的头发因为化疗不断脱落，而是主动把我的棕色长发剪得非常短，还染成了淡金黄色。这样的行为让我觉得自己有选择的权利。从根本上来说，那也是我成功经受这一切的方法和途径。我始终明白，我是可以“选择”的！我可以选择伤心痛苦，自怨自艾；我也可以选择积极乐观，多想想发生在我身上的那些幸运事。

我很幸运，我在癌症扩散之前及早发现了病情。我很幸运，我受到了医生的高度关注，获得了很好的照顾。我很幸运，我有支持我、爱我的家人。我很幸运，我拥有这个世界上最好的朋友，拥有这样的挚友是每个人梦寐以求的。我很幸运，有一个男人爱我至深，对我不离不弃。也许和一纸癌症诊断书这样一个重磅炸弹相比，这些看起来都算不了什么，但这正是意义所在：选择用一种健康的方式看待这一切。

这期间我作出的一个最重大也是对我极有帮助的决定是不取消婚礼。尽管我不知道当那个重大日子来临时，我的身体状况会如何，我的容貌会怎样，但我知道，如果我改变婚期，我只会被癌症打败。

知道有这样一件大事可以期待，我变得动力十足。我甚至为此在化疗结束后开始了一项高强度的体能训练计划，因为一系列治疗使我的身体变得非常虚弱。到了婚宴那天，我精力充沛，跳舞跳到了凌晨两点。那天我感觉棒极了，整个人看起来容光焕发，因为我选择成为这样的人。就算那天我必须戴着假发，又有什么关系呢？我要嫁给这个世界上最棒的男人，我要和所有亲近的人分享这一天——这些才是最重要的。

仅仅几个月前，我才结束所有的治疗。但我已经完成了这么多的事情：我举行了婚礼，去欧洲度了23天的蜜月，搬进了城里的一处新公寓，开始了一份新工作。但生活中总有无数的事情让我期待。

不管未来我要经历什么，无论我的人生会遇到什么，我始终会提醒自己，虽然目前生活艰难，但将来某个时候回头看时，我只会将它看成是过去的一段经历。现在对于我来说，乳癌只不过是我生命中刚刚经历的又一件事而已。

1. on top of that：除此之外

2. Centennial College：百年理工学院，位于加拿大多伦多市，已有34年的建校历史。

3. U of T：即多伦多大学（University of Toronto）

4. Elegy：《挽歌》，西班牙著名导演伊莎贝尔·科赛特（Isabel Coixet）2007年拍摄的影片，讲述的是一位名叫大卫·科佩什的文艺评论家兼大学讲师在古稀之年陷入师生恋后引起的各种感情纠葛。文中提到的女人是这位男主角的前妻。

5. Penelope Cruz：佩内洛普·克鲁兹（1974～），西班牙好莱坞著名演员，2007年凭借电影《回归》（Volver）入围奥斯卡、金球奖及英国电影学院奖最佳女主角，2009年凭借电影《午夜巴塞罗那》（Vicky Cristina Barcelona）夺得奥斯卡金像奖以及英国电影学院奖的最佳女配角奖。

6. armpit [?ɑ?mp?t] n. 腋窝

7. mammogram [?m?m?ɡr?m] n. 乳房X线照片

8. inconclusive [??nk?n?klu?s?v] adj. 不确定的，非决定性的

9. biopsy [?ba??psi] n. 切片检查

10. bummer [?b?m?（r）] n. 失望，失败，不愉快的事件（或经历、局面等）

11. tumour [?tju?m?（r）] n. 肿瘤

12. mindset [?ma?ndset] n. 头脑，精神，情绪

13. chemotherapy [?ki?m???θer?pi] n. 化学疗法

14. misfire [?m?s?fa??（r）] vi. 失败，不奏效

15. incision [?n?s??n] n. 切口，伤痕，疤痕

16. binge [b?nd?] vi. 暴饮暴食

17. regime [re???i?m] n. 生活制度

18. come ones way：（某事）发生在某人身上