When Someone Asks Your Opinion, Give It说出你的想法

阿利克山德拉·巴拉施　凯特琳·伍利　佩姬·J. 刘/文　钱静颖/译

When someone asks for your opinion， are you quick to offer it？ Or do you opt instead for a laid-back “its your call，” a noncommittal “anythings fine，” or an eager-to-please “whatever works best for you”？

当有人征求你的意见时，你会立即给出自己的意见吗？还是会转而选择不在乎地说一句“听你的”，或者不置可否地说“都可以”，抑或是急于讨好地说“对你有用就行”呢？

Many of us intentionally withhold our preferences in an attempt to appear easygoing and amiable. Especially in a workplace context， we may assume that being less opinionated can help us make a good impression on our peers， employees， or managers. But through three large-scale research projects that explored a wide range of interpersonal situations with a total of more than 7，000 participants， we found that failing to weigh in can actually make you seem less likable and harm your relationships.

有很多人会故意隐瞒自己的真实喜好，来试图显得随和可亲。尤其是在职场中，我们可能会认为少表露想法或许能给我们的同事、员工以及经理留个好印象。但通过3个有7000多人参与的大型研究项目——其中探索了广泛的人际关系情况，我们发现没有主见实际上更不讨人喜欢，甚至还会损害人际关系。

Easygoing isnt likable

太随和的人不招人喜欢

In our first research project， we looked at how people reacted when asking a friend or acquaintance what restaurant， movie， or museum theyd prefer to go to. No matter the context， the participants almost always told us that they wanted their companion to pick a specific option—and when their companion chose not to （which they often did， out of a desire to seem easygoing）， the participants found their counterparts less likable， and they became less interested in initiating future outings with them.

在第一个研究项目中，我们研究了人们在问朋友或熟人更喜欢去什么餐厅、看什么电影或逛什么博物馆时的反应。无论在何种情况下，参与者几乎总是告诉我们，他们希望同伴来做出选择——而当同伴选择不这样做时（这类情况经常发生，同伴希望自己看上去随和些），参与者对他们同伴的好感度便有所下滑，且对今后与这些同伴一起出去玩的兴致也减弱了。

Why is this？ You might think that withholding your preferences makes you more likable， but in fact， when someone asks for your input， theyre generally looking for help making a decision. Our participants consistently reported that it was harder for them to make a decision when their friend refused to express an opinion， and this unpleasant decision-making experience often harmed their impression of their friend.

這是为什么呢？或许你认为不表露自己的喜好会让你更讨人喜欢，但事实上，当有人向你征求意见时，他们通常是在寻求你的帮助。本次参与者一致反馈说，当他们的同伴拒绝表达意见时，参与者反倒更难做出决定，而这种不愉快的决策经历往往减损他们对同伴的印象。

No opinion implies a negative opinion

无意见意味着意见相左

Another reason withholding a preference can backfire is that when someone claims not to care， it can seem like they actually do have an opinion， but are hiding it to avoid conflict. In our second research project， we found that when someone says they dont have a preference， the decision maker often assumes theyre only saying that because they have the opposite preference as they do. When this happens， the decision maker is more likely to choose the option that they themselves dont want （because they assume thats what their counterpart really prefers）， ultimately making them that much less satisfied with the interaction.

隐瞒喜好之所以可能会适得其反，另一个原因是当人们说“都行”时，往往给人感觉是有想法，却为了避免冲突而将其隐藏起来了。在第二个研究项目中，我们发现当有人说“都行”时，决策者通常会认为他们这么说是由于他们确有相反的偏好。在这种情况下，决策者更有可能选择自己不喜欢的选项（因为他们认为这是对方的真实意图），最终这次互动让双方都难以感觉满意。

Staying silent can be dehumanizing

保持沉默可能让人感觉不近人情

Clearly， keeping quiet when a friend or coworker is seeking your input can be counterproductive. But what about situations in which no one is relying on your feedback to make a decision？

显然，当朋友或同事寻求你的意见时，保持沉默可能会起到反作用。但如果你的反馈不会影响到他人的抉择呢？

In our third research project， we looked at what happens when people are simply asked to express a general preference， rather than to weigh in on a joint decision. We had participants read about a fictional person who was either indifferent or shared an opinion when asked about their favorite food or type of music， and then we asked the participants to share their impressions of that person. Consistently， people who shared an opinion—whether positive or negative—came across as having more of an individual， distinct identity， while those who withheld their opinions seemed robotic and less human. Moreover， in one study， we found that this negative effect can even extend to evaluations of someones work： Participants were shown identical pictures of a room， but when they were told that the interior designer who had designed it had failed to express a preference about his favorite food or music， they rated the rooms design less positively than when they were told it was designed by someone who was willing to share their personal preferences.

在第三個研究项目中，我们研究了当一个人只被要求表达通常的偏好而不用参与共同决策时，会发生什么。我们让参与者阅读了解一个虚构的角色，当被问及自己偏爱的食物或音乐类型时，角色要么回答无所谓，要么是分享自己的想法，随后我们让参与者讲述他们对角色的印象。一致的是，那些拒绝发表意见的人会让人感觉像个机器、不近人情，而愿意分享观点的人，无论观点是否正面，让人觉得更像是个有独特个性的人。此外，在一项研究中，我们发现这种负面影响甚至可以延伸到对某人工作的评价：向参与者展示同一组房间照片，相较于得知这个设计是出自一个乐于分享个人喜好的设计师时，当他们得知房间的设计师不表露对食物或音乐的偏好时，对该房间设计的评价会打分更低。

Effective managers encourage—and model—healthy self-expression

高效的管理者鼓励健康的自我表达和率先垂范

Driven by a desire to be helpful， minimize conflict， and contribute to a collaborative workplace， employees and managers alike are sometimes reluctant to share their personal preferences or provide opinions on joint decisions. But our research demonstrates how this approach can actually harm relationships， making people come across as less effective and less likable.

员工和管理人员出于能够提供帮助、尽量减少冲突、促进彼此合作的愿望，有时不愿意分享他们的个人喜好或在共同决策时不愿贡献意见。然而，我们的研究表明，这种做法实际上会有损人际关系，让人感觉效率低下和不讨人喜欢。

To address these challenges， managers should take steps to encourage healthy self-expression on their teams. In one study， we found that people are twice as likely to share their preferences if the decision maker explicitly says that they dont want to make the choice on their own.

为应对这类挑战，管理者应采取相应措施鼓励其团队进行健康的自我表达。在一项研究中，我们发现，如果决策者事先明确他们不想单靠自己做出选择，那么其他人愿意分享自己想法的概率是正常情况下的两倍。

Managers can also set up dedicated events or digital channels for employees to share their hobbies， tastes， and opinions on various topics， and they can conduct team-building exercises to address common misconceptions and help people become more comfortable telling people about their preferences. In some cases， it may make sense to administer surveys before or after meetings to proactively solicit input from employees who might be nervous to speak up in the moment， and for customer-facing roles， managers may also consider explicitly encouraging employees to voice their opinions with clients， as this may boost perceptions of likability and help them build stronger connections.

管理者还可以为员工设立专门的场合或提供数字渠道，让员工可以分享自己的爱好、品味和对各种话题的看法；他们还可以组织团建活动，以解决常见的误解，帮助员工更好地敞开心扉，对人说出自己的好恶。在某些情况下，会前会后做些调查，主动征求那些在会上发言会紧张的员工的意见，也是很有意義的。对于和客户对接的员工，管理者也可以考虑明确鼓励员工向客户表达自己的看法，因为这可能会增加客户的好感度，进而建立更牢固的联系。

But most importantly， managers and executives must model open communication themselves. Especially for senior leaders who may struggle to stay connected to on-the-ground workers， openly sharing their preferences can help combat perceptions that they are aloof or lacking in humanity. Indeed， rather than alienating employees， our research suggests that expressing an opinion—even if its one that people disagree with—can help leaders come across as more human， more competent， and more likable. This will both improve their own relationships with colleagues across their organizations and normalize the expression of personal preferences for employees who might otherwise be inclined to stay silent.

但最重要的是，经理和主管自身需要以身作则，公开交流。尤其是对于职位较高的领导，可能感觉和基层员工保持沟通不易，那么公开分享个人喜好，有助于破除给员工留下冷漠孤高或不近人情的印象。事实上，我们的研究也表明，与和员工保持距离的做法相比，分享自己的想法和观点（即便分享的观点可能不被认可），能够让领导者显得更有人情味，还能彰显其能力并提升其人格魅力。这种做法既能拉近他们自己与组织中同事的关系，也能让那些本来选择沉默的员工正常表达个人的倾向。

So next time someone asks you what you think， dont hold back. Our research demonstrates that respectfully and honestly expressing your preferences both helps the person whos seeking your feedback and makes you come across as more likable.

因而，如果下次有人问你的想法时，不要隐瞒不语。我们的研究表明，尊重和真诚地表达你的喜好，既能给征求你意见的人以帮助，又能让你更讨人喜欢。

（译者单位：上海兴伟学院）