My Other Mother 我的另一位母亲

威廉·庞/文　李昊/译

My nanny took care of me from the time I was born until I was 15. She lived with my family in our apartment in Hong Kong. My parents had government jobs and worked long hours， so they needed someone to change my diapers， pick me up from school and steam me fish， Chinese style.

我的保姆从我出生一直照顾我到15岁。她和我家人一起住在香港的公寓里。我父母在政府工作，每天都要上很久的班，所以他们需要有人帮我换尿布，接我放学，给我做中式蒸鱼吃。

Zenaida Bantugon was from the Philippines. My family always called her Auntie Zeny. She was the same age and height—five feet—as my mother but her skin was more tanned and she had a distinct mole on her lower lip. The only time she took off， aside from her annual three-week vacation， was on Sundays， when she would put on makeup， spritz herself with perfume and head to church with the other Filipino nannies who were her friends.

塞奈达·班图贡从菲律宾来，我家人都喊她塞尼阿姨。她5英尺高，和我妈一样高，也和我妈岁数一样，但她肤色更黑点儿，下嘴唇上还有颗显眼的痣。除了每年3周的假期外，她只有在周日才能休息一下，化好妆，喷上香水，和她的菲律宾保姆朋友们一起去教堂。

Despite the time Auntie Zeny and I spent together， she wasnt family. For one， she was rarely in the same room with my mom and dad， choosing to stay in her bedroom while we lounged in the living room. Auntie Zeny didnt join us for meals， either， eating instead in the kitchen， at a small table affixed to the washing machine. I remember lingering around the kitchen and wondering why she ate alone. She would give me a motherly smile and motion me back to the dining room. They are your parents; I am not， was the point she seemingly wanted to make clear. Although I vaguely knew that she had four children of her own， I didnt think to ask about them.

盡管塞尼阿姨和我度过了这么久的时光，她也不算家庭的一员。一是她很少和我爸妈在同一个房间。当我们在客厅消闲时，她都选择在自己卧室待着。塞尼阿姨也不和我们一起吃饭，她都是在厨房吃，洗衣机旁给她搭了个小桌子。我还记得我在厨房里徘徊，好奇她为什么不和我们一起吃。她会对我慈爱地笑一笑，让我回到餐厅去，好像要让我明白：他们是你父母，我不是。我隐隐约约知道她有4个自己的孩子，但我也从没想问起过。

It was hard for me to view her as anything but a second mother， though. From time to time， my real mother talked to Auntie Zeny about not completing certain chores properly， and my mother would wonder why I always defended her.

但我很难不把她当成我第二个妈妈。我妈妈偶尔和塞尼阿姨说什么家务没做好时，我总是站在塞尼阿姨这边，维护她，这让妈妈感觉奇怪。

In the hours before my parents came home from work， Auntie Zeny would take the chopping boards to the dining table and listen to me complain about classmates， friends and homework. As she worked her way through the choy sum and gai lan （vegetables she knew I liked）， she would give advice in the form of Biblical quotes and Christian parables. Meanwhile， all her kids had to crowd around the phone once a week， fighting to hear their mothers voice， knowing the international calling card could expire any minute and cut them off.

我父母下班回家前的几个小时里，塞尼阿姨会把切菜板搬到餐桌上，听我抱怨同学、朋友和家庭作业。她手上收拾着她知道我喜欢吃的菜心和芥蓝，嘴上为我的抱怨提出建议，都是《圣经》语录和基督教寓言。她在我家期间，她的几个孩子则每周一次挤到电话旁，争先恐后地想听下妈妈的声音，他们知道国际电话卡随時都可能过期断线。

The rare times I saw her acts of love for these faraway children were during our monthly trips to a Western Union1 branch—where I remember whining about the wait as Auntie Zeny stood in line， cheque book in hand—or whenever I watched her seal a shipping box overstuffed with soaps， snacks and other sundries to send home. As a kid， I had a hunch about what she was doing， but it was only years later that I realized how significant these moments were for her.

我们每月去西联分公司汇款时，塞尼阿姨排在队里，手里拿着支票本（给孩子们汇钱），因等候太久，我连声抱怨；还有每当我看到她把塞满肥皂、零食和其他杂物的运输箱密封起来寄回家的时候，这些是我少有的几次看到她对远方孩子表达爱意。作为孩子，我对她正在做的事有直觉，但直到多年后我才意识到这些时刻对她而言是多么重要。

Even after leaving Hong Kong in 2015 to attend high school in the United States， and eventually university in Canada， I still found myself thinking about Auntie Zeny. I knew I was on her mind， too—she continued sending me birthday wishes on Facebook， asking how my parents were doing and forwarding me a deluge of word art embedded with Biblical quotes.

我2015年离开了香港，去美国读高中，最后去加拿大读大学，但我发现自己仍然牵挂着塞尼阿姨。我知道她也在牵挂着我，因为她每年都在脸书上祝我生日快乐，询问我父母的情况，或者给我转发一大段含有《圣经》格言的艺术字。

Id thought that， after Auntie Zeny retired， she would leave us behind as she finally got to parent her own children. But in December 2019， when I was 22， I visited her house in the Philippines and was surprised to see that her living room was plastered with relics from my childhood. These included a foam Mufasa2 with its head half severed and a stained Santa Claus refrigerator magnet that used to hang on our fridge door.

我曾以为塞尼阿姨退休后，会把我们抛在脑后，终于可以照顾自己的孩子了。但2019年12月，22岁的我去拜访她在菲律宾的家时惊讶地看到她的客厅里贴满我童年的点点滴滴，有一个泡沫橡胶做的木法沙，头被截掉了一半，有我们曾经贴在冰箱上的圣诞老人冰箱贴，已经污迹斑斑。

During that visit， I also met some of her kids， now adults. I expected， perhaps due to my lingering guilt for having taken time away from their mom for all those years， to be greeted with animosity. But they spoiled me， serving me big portions at every shared meal—the love language of Filipinos— and monitoring my bowls of stir-fry noodles to make sure I got seconds.

那次拜访，我还见到了她的几个孩子，现在已经长大成人了。也许我还残留着负罪感，我本以为会被敌视，因为我霸占了他们妈妈这么多年。但他们却都很宠爱我，每顿饭都让我吃很多——这是菲律宾人表达爱意的方式，还一直关注着我的炒面，好让我再吃一碗。

Then in January 2020， I flew to Alberta， where Auntie Zenys daughter lives with her husband and their two young boys. She had spent a few years staying with my family in Hong Kong， helping her mom out around our home， starting when I was a kid and she was in her 20s. Now that I was an adult， I wanted to get to know her better. Id never really understood how she and her siblings related to their mother after spending so much time apart， nor do I think I will ever truly grasp what they had to go through without their mom by their side.

然后，2020年1月，我飞到了艾伯塔。塞尼阿姨的女儿女婿一家就住在那，他们有两个小儿子。她曾经在香港在我们家住过几年，帮她妈妈在我们家干活，那时我还是个孩子，她20多岁。现在我已经长大成人，我想进一步了解她。他们姐弟和母亲分开这么久之后，和母亲的关系是什么样，我从来没有真正理解过；没有母亲陪伴，他们又经历了什么，我想我也不会真的理解。

“What did you know about me when you were young？” I asked her. The question had been on my mind for years.

我问她：“你小时候对我了解多少呢？”这是我多年来一直想问的问题。

“That she took care of you day and night，” she replied. I smiled awkwardly， not quite sure what to say.

她回答说：“知道我妈妈日夜照顾你。”我尴尬地笑了笑，不知道該说什么。

As she and I talked， her two boys playfully ran around us. She swiftly reeled them in， and they obediently sat on the couch. Her manner exuded sternness and a deep bond with her kids. Similar moments played out throughout my stay， and I could see that she was determined to spend every moment with her two boys. I was relieved to know she did not have to leave home for extended periods of time to guarantee a good life for her kids， a choice many Filipinos have to make.

我们聊天时，她的两个儿子在我们周围跑闹。她迅速地把他们拉过来，他们乖乖地坐在了沙发上。她的举动透露着严厉，也透露着和孩子们的深厚感情。我待在那里时，多次看到这样的情景。我看得出，她想要和孩子们度过每一分每一秒。我松了口气，她不必像许多菲律宾人不得不做的那样，为了给孩子们提供更好的生活而长期离家。

It also reminded me of Auntie Zenys propensity to share love unconditionally.

这也让我想到塞尼阿姨总是无条件地给予爱。

My parents periodically send Auntie Zeny a small stipend. For years I thought it was simply a way to thank her for all those hours she spent cooking and cleaning. But as I grew older， I began to understand why my parents harboured a deep sense of gratitude for her imprint on my emotional and moral development. Indeed， the most valuable lesson Auntie Zeny taught me was the one she imparted by example： to recognize that great things are done in small acts.

我父母会定期给塞尼阿姨寄一小笔津贴。这么多年来，我一直以为只是为了感谢她花这么长时间做饭和打扫卫生。但随着我年龄的增长，我开始理解我的父母为什么对她怀有这么深的感激，因为她在我的情感和道德成长中留下了深深的烙印。诚然，塞尼阿姨教给我最宝贵的教益是她以身作则给出的：知道伟大之事见于点点滴滴。

1西联是国际汇款公司，世界上领先的特快汇款公司，迄今已有150年的历史。

2 木法沙是华特迪士尼的动画片《狮子王》中的角色，荣耀国国王，主角辛巴的父亲。