Jokes and Riddles

崔子鹏

I Wasnt Asleep

When a group of women got on the car， every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep， and fearing he might miss his stop， he nudged him and said， “Wake up， sir！”

“I wasnt asleep，” the man answered.

“Not asleep？ But you had your eyes closed.”

“I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car.”

Until Theyre Free

Deciding to do some back-yard landsca- ping， my father-in-law went to the brickyard to buy quantity of bricks. When he asked the salesclerk about the cost， the man replied， “The more you buy， the cheaper they are.”

“Is that so？” said my father-in-law.  “Then just keep loading them on my truck until theyre free.”

Violin Lessons

“Daddy， can I learn to play the violin？” young Sarah asked her father. She was always asking for things and her father was not very pleased.

“You cost me a lot of money， Sarah，” he said. “First you wanted to learn horse riding， then dancing， then swimming. Now its the violin.”

“Ill play every day， Daddy，” Sarah said. “Ill try very hard.”

“All right，” her father said. “This is what Ill do. Ill pay for you to have lessons for six weeks. At the end of six weeks you must play something for me. If you play well， you can have more lessons. If you play badly， I will stop the lessons.”

“OK. Daddy，” Sarah said. “That is fair.”

He soon found a good violin teacher and Sarah began her lessons. It was very expensive， but her father kept his promise.

The six weeks passed quickly. The time came for Sarah to play for her father.

She went to the living room and said， “Im ready to play for you， Daddy.”

“Fine， Sarah，” her father said. “Begin.”

She began to play. She played very badly. She made a terrible noise.

Her father had one of his friends with him， and the friend put his hands over his ears.

When Sarah finished， her father said， “Well done， Sarah. You can have more lessons.”

Sarah ran happily out of the room. Her fathers friend turned to him. “Youve spent a lot of money， but she still plays very badly，” he said.

“Well， thats true，” her father said. “But since she started learning the violin， Ive been able to buy five apartments in this building very cheaply. In another six weeks Ill own the whole building！”

Riddles

1. Why is an empty purse always the same？

2. Where do animals speak with each other？

3. When can we see things without our eyes open？

4. Which can move faster， heat or cold？

5. Why is the library the highest building？