职场遭拒，如何应对

阿莱娜·G.莱文

I have received a lot of noes in my life. In elementary school， I wasnt selected for the safety patrol team. In middle school， I was told I couldnt take advanced math， even though my grades were excellent. At university， I was advised that I shouldnt pursue degrees in both mathematics and anthropology. Over and over， I was informed that no， nein， la， nyet1， I would not get the fellowship， opportunity， or experience I desired. Later， when I entered the professional world， I applied for jobs and was told no. As a freelance writer， I pitched stories to editors and was told no. I proposed ideas for collaboration， consultation， and even conversation， and was told no.

And yet， the noes havent held me back. Instead， theyve served as an inspiration to me. Whenever I get a no， I view it as an invitation—to explore new ways to collaborate， perhaps at another time. Its a chance to be more creative in thinking about the value I can offer or problems I can solve for another party. Or， a no may be a notification that my communication tactics and methods need to be sharpened， if I am to clarify what I can provide.

Most importantly， noes ignite my persistence. And if there is one element that has driven my professional life， it is that I am persistent. Its not that I wont take no for an answer. Its more that I want to understand what is driving the no， and to see how I might be able to work through and around the issue. In many cases， a no is simply a case of bad timing. It might not be the right time to partner with someone， or there might be a lack of resources. I look at a no not as a dead end—but as the beginning of a conversation about a possible alliance.

To help you be persistent in the face of noes， Id like to share a few rules that Ive learned：

Dont take the no personally. Its just business. Pull emotion out of the no and dont allow yourself to feel dejected， demeaned， or devalued because someone rejects your application or says that they dont see an opportunity to work with you. A no does not mean that you werent qualified for a job or collaboration.

Dont shy away from2 being persistent. Persistence in the face of challenges， failures， and unexpected scenarios is the mark of a good employee—and prospective employers notice that. Theres nothing wrong with a follow-up email or phone call. Who knows？ It may even get you noticed as displaying a valuable attribute.

Be respectful. You wont get anywhere if you respond to a rejection with a hurt or bitter response. Honor the other person. Dont burn bridges3. And dont be rude and contact them every 5 minutes. This advice is especially important now， amid the COVID-19 crisis—because there will likely be even more noes during this period， as well as a delayed timeline on responses. In times of crisis， you should wait even longer to follow up with prospective employers or collaborators， and you should be even more respectful in your responses. Even if the ultimate response is no， let the other party know that you are still interested in working with them in the future should an opportunity arise.

Take the no and pivot4. Instead of dwelling on the negative outcome， think positively about what other services you might be able to offer to the other party. Case in point： Many years ago， I was invited to apply for a promotion at the university for which I worked. I applied thinking that I was guaranteed the position， only to be told at the end that the role was offered to someone else. My response？ I sent a thank-you card to the dean and offered to be of assistance in any way I could with the new employee. I met with her and shared insight into the universitys structure and culture. Then， a few months later， when the employee moved to a new role， I was hired in her place. Looking back， I believe that my offer to help despite the fact that I wasnt selected for the position initially made a world of difference.

Be aware of cultural norms. Keep in mind that cultural norms regarding persistence vary. In some countries， its perfectly OK to email someone twice a month to keep in touch with them， whereas in other countries， that might be seen as rude and invasive. When I studied abroad in Egypt， I noticed that people took time to get to know one another—even sharing personal stories about their families—before starting to discuss details regarding how they could work together. In the United States， in contrast， I find that people are more likely to dive straight into business talk. So， study up on the culture in which you want to engage and respect its rules.

I will continue to receive noes throughout my life， as will you. But Im not afraid of them. Ive built up my resistance to noes by being persistent—and for me， thats been an important element of my career advancement and professional development.

生活中，我有很多次被拒絕的经历。小学时报名安全巡逻队，没有入选;中学时尽管成绩优秀，还是被告知不能选修高数课;到了大学，又被建议不要攻读数学和人类学双学位。我听到过各种各样的拒绝，多次和我向往的奖学金、机会或体验失之交臂。后来进入职场，找工作又屡屡受挫。做自由撰稿人给编辑投稿，也数次被打回。我提出过合作、磋商，甚至沟通，都被回绝了。

但是，拒绝并没有令我退却，反而给了我启发。每当被拒，我都视其为一次邀请，一次也许今后可以尝试新的合作方式的邀请。借着这个机会，我还可以更有创见地思考自己能为对方贡献什么价值，解决什么问题。或者，别人的拒绝也许是在告诉我，要想阐明我的能力，还需改善沟通的技巧和方法。

最重要的是，拒绝激发了我内心的执着。如果说有一种品质在推动着我职业生涯的发展，那就是执着。我并不是无视别人的拒绝，而是想知道拒绝背后的原因，从而能够寻找解决的办法。很多时候，被拒只是因为时机不对。或许当下不是和对方合作的好时机，也或许自身的资源不够。我不会把拒绝看成是最终的结局，而是把它看成合作沟通的开始。

为了帮助你在面对拒绝时保持执着的信念，接下来分享几点我的心得：

不掺杂个人情绪。对方只是公事公办而已。不要让拒绝影响你的情绪，不要因为求职被拒或合作无望就觉得受到了打击、轻视或贬低。被人拒绝并不代表你没有能力胜任某份工作或参与某项合作。

不轻易放弃。临难不畏、遇败不馁、处变不移是优秀员工应该具备的品质，你的潜在雇主也清楚这一点。被拒之后，发一封跟进邮件，或者打电话问问原因，没有什么不妥。也许你由此展现出的可贵品质能够赢得对方赏识。

保有尊重。一旦被拒就表现得伤心委屈、忿忿不平，没有任何益处。尊重他人，给自己留有余地。切忌出言不逊，频繁骚扰。新冠肺炎疫情期间，这一点尤为重要。因为在此期间，不仅收到回复的速度可能会更慢，而且被拒的次数可能会更多。危难时期，你应该等待更长时间再去跟进潜在的雇主和合作方，也应该回以对方更多尊重。即使最后还是被拒绝，也要表达出若是未来有机会，你仍有兴趣与他们合作。

接纳拒绝，转变思维。不要一味沉浸在消极的结局中，而要积极思考是否能为对方提供其他方面的帮助。举个例子：多年前，我受邀申请当时所任职大学的晋升职位，本以为这个职位非我莫属了，但最后得知聘用了别人。我是怎么回应的呢？我给院长写了一封感谢信，表示愿意尽我所能支持新晋同事的工作。我和对方碰了面，聊了聊我对学校架构、校园文化的一些想法。几个月后，她调去了新岗位，而我接替了她的工作。回想起来，我觉得当初落选后我的态度至关重要。

遵守文化规范。记住，不同文化对执着的看法不尽相同。在一些国家，每月两封邮件保持联络完全没问题，而在另一些国家，这可能会被视为一种无礼的打扰行为。我在埃及留学的时候，就注意到工作伙伴在讨论合作细节之前，会不慌不忙地彼此了解一下，甚至会聊一些家长里短。在美国情况就不同了，大家通常会直奔主题谈业务。所以说，研究你打算融入的文化，入乡随俗。

未来的人生中，我还会遇到很多拒绝，你也一样。但我不怕，执着已经让我越挫越勇，这也是我事业晋升和职业发展的一大法宝。

（译者为“《英语世界》杯”翻译大赛获奖者;单位：天津铁道职业技术学院）