读后续写,五步成文

2021-01-07 14:20陈光伟
广东教育·高中 2021年12期
关键词:伏笔全文原文

陈光伟

笔者在指导学生进行读后续写时,通常要求学生按照“读全文——找伏笔——巧构思——定锚点——精打磨”五个步骤进行思路的梳理和写作。以下通过一份例题分析,介绍这五个步骤的具体操作。

[题目呈现]

阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。

My presentation was horrible. I lost the client(客户). My boss wouldn’t look me in the eye and the rest of my day was spent in relative silence——I was left alone, in reality. Finally, I left my air-conditioned office and of course, outside it was hot as hell(地狱). I was hot literally and figuratively as three buses passed, too full to stop and then the one that did stop should have kept going because the air conditioning wasn’t working.

I boarded the bus but was unable to stand it, so I squeezed my way off at the next stop. I would just walk the mile and a half to home. I annoyed further, as I continued my journey. I refused to take off my jacket, purposely, maximizing my frustration(沮丧)——“when it rains, let it pour”was my philosophy(态度).

A block from my building, I heard the water splashing(溅) and kids screaming(尖声叫)so I knew the fire hydrant(消防栓)had been turned on. Without even thinking about taking an alternate route, I turned the corner, sure enough, there was a group of children playing water. They were politely on the lookout to stop the water from spraying on any passer-by, so when they saw me they stopped the water and when they saw my mean look, they even got quiet. The younger ones in bathing suit, the girls wearing shower caps and the boys with water guns all stared at me as I started to pass by.

Then I noticed a little one, no older than five, holding a water gun down by his side, eyeing me a little harder than the others. I eyed him back. Then his brother, who I had seen around the neighborhood, nodded at him like he was saying,“I dare you.” My eyes tightened a little further as I communicated my own“I dare you”to the five-year-old. Then his eyes moved, planning his escape route through the alley, and in that split second I knew I was going to get soaked.

注意:

1. 所續写短文的词数应为150左右;

2. 续写部分分为两段, 每段的开头语已为你写好。

And he got me, behind my ear, before he ran towards his exit.

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

I couldn’t remember my last fight._____________________

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[步骤详解]

步骤一,读全文,构思续写框架

我们在读完全篇和给出的段首句之后,可以对文章进行总结和合理预测:作者从文章开始因丢掉客户受到老板的冷眼心情沮丧,到回家途中酷热天气下挤车的不顺,路上偶遇小孩水战。文章最后一句表示一场大战一触即发。

根据“正向结局”的思路,我们可以预测后文应该是作者通过和孩子们的水战“冲突”带来的舒爽,情绪从down到up,由郁闷沮丧到轻松愉快。

再根据所给的两句段首句可知,第一段应该是水战的具体描写,第二段应该是水战结束后作者的反思:他認识到生活中尽管会有不如意,但是快乐也是无处不在的,于是调整好自己的心情,决定重新出发,信心满满面对生活,迎接新的挑战。

构思的时候一定要读懂给出的两个段首句。And he got me, behind my ear, before he ran toward his exit. 由he got me可知,小孩已经射中我了。如果我们接下来再写小孩如何瞄准我和扣扳机,那就重复了。before he ran toward his exit说明小孩跑了。I couldn't remember my last water fight. 既然都不记得了,如果还写自己小时候打水仗的回忆就是自相矛盾。第二段应主要描写作者打水仗后的感受和感悟。

步骤二,找伏笔,以增加契合度

我们应该在所给材料中划出一些伏笔,以便在续写中重现,让续写和原文看起来契合度更高。如,my jacket, my “when it rain let it pour”philosophy, fire hydrant, water gun, alley, five-year-old, his brother等。

另外,我们还可以通过观察语篇的优质表达感受其语言风格,选词方面尽量与其接近。如:squeeze my way off, water splash, bathing suit/shower cap, get soaked等。

步骤三,巧构思,想好续写内容

我们在构思时先想好每段大概可以写几个点,分几句话写。因行数所限,每段5个点就差不多了,每个点1~2句话,当然还要看你写的是长句还是短句。如:

第一段:And he got me, behind my ear, before he ran toward his exit. ①我的情绪(惊讶/不耐烦/愤怒?)——②奋起反击(追,拿到水枪)——③其他小孩join——④情绪变好——⑤给水仗写个结尾句(浑身湿透但开心)

第二段:I couldn’t remember my last water fight.①但这次不一样,印象深刻——②生活中的浮躁vs冷静——③心态要调整,发现生活的小美好——④thanks to the kids——⑤总结/升华

经过这轮的构思,相信就能紧扣主线,不会有某个点一发不可收拾而与主题相关性大的细节反倒描写不够的问题。而且基本不会超行,保证卷面相对美观。

步骤四,定锚点,写好关键位置句

关键位置句是指以下四个句子:

第一段所给首句后的句子,该段最后一个句子;

第二段所给首句后的句子,全文最后一个句子。

这些句子在文中占重要位置,对全文起到起承转合的作用。这些句子限制了故事的发展思路和结局,写好了能够体现我们的审题以及把握原文细节的能力,体现我们对语篇结构的把控能力,给阅卷老师留下良好印象。写作前,可在草稿纸上写下故事重要情节的单词或词组,简单起草文章发展脉络。如想降低难度,也可以使用一两句中文简单概括续写段落的大意,然后朝该思路用英语续写故事。

全文最后一个句子可以适当对全文进行总结或提升,让阅卷老师觉得文章完整且有深度,读完回味无穷。如2021八省联考题目,陌生人帮助修车后,还偷偷返还作者给的报酬。这个故事是“助人”主题,结尾便可融入陌生家庭不计回报的帮助给作者所带来的冲击或者感慨,并将其向人生思考、传递善良等角度升华。优秀结尾如下:

Even small acts of kindness can make a big difference. 即使是小小的善举也能带来很大的不同。

The memory of this unexpected encounter will never fade from my mind. 关于这次意外相遇的记忆永远不会从我的脑海中消失。

Even today, I still regard this experience as treasured memory. 直到今天,我仍然把这段经历当作珍贵的回忆。

It was at that moment that I realized such acts of kindness are opportunities to know how good it feels to be kind and helpful. 就在那一刻,我意识到这样的善举是一个机会,让我知道善良和乐于助人的感觉有多好。

The family made me really moved, and I finally understood it is kindness and help that make the world go around. 这个家庭让我很感动,我终于明白,是善良和帮助让世界运转。

Since then I’ve decided to help others more, as kindness is one thing that really deserves to be passed on from one to another. 从那时起,我决定多帮助别人,因为善良是一件真正应该传递的东西。

步骤五,精打磨,确保作品质量

续写中,在保证语言通畅的前提下,应尽量多使用各类从句、非谓语动词、倒装句、强调句等。另外,恰当运用心理描写、环境描写,以及描述性的动作词汇,来描写细节、烘托气氛,使文章充满真情实感和可读性。注意不要过多使用对话描写,对话最多不要超过两个话轮。最后,我们还要检查全文的故事情节是否完整,所续写内容是否符合逻辑,与原文和所给段首提示语是否连贯,语法结构、句型结构是否使用准确,所续写内容的词数是否达标,标点符号的使用、单词拼写与字母大小写等等。

按照这五个步骤,我们基本就能续写出情节连贯且与原文风格类似的作品。请看作文范例以及学生优秀作文。

[作文范例]

And he got me, behind my ear before he ran towards the exit. Hardly could I believe that I should be bullied by a 5-year-old boy!Thinking of all that had happened that day — my loss of an important client, my cold reception from my boss, my failure to board an air-conditioned bus, I could no longer contain my anger. Swiftly I grabbed a water gun from one little devil and shot at him. Then all the other children joined in. A fierce water battle started. It was quite thrilling and was like rain pouring down. By and by the water battle became a refreshing game on such a hot day to us. I got soaked but laughed as I’d never laughed before.

I couldn’t remember my last water fight. But the one that happened today would decidedly remain deeply rooted in my memory. After the fight, all the frustration and depression that had been building up inside me came to a complete stop. I became aware that although life may not go as we expect, there is never a shortage of fun and excitement in this world. And I would be confident and brave, ready to face any challenge. I would embrace life with all my might.

[學生习作]

And he got me, behind my ear before he ran towards the exit. My mind filled with anger, I could hardly contain myself and rushed to get back at him. However, seeing the innocent eyes and teen spirit behind them, I recalled my philosophy and thus an alternative was revealed.“When it rains, let it pour”, whispering the words to myself, I turned to the fire hydrant and swiftly turned it back on. Hearing the water splashing out, the frightened kids knew what to do and all the water guns were pointed to the new player, me. As I screamed and got wet together with the kids, I could not only feel the heat disappearing, but also my frustration. My horrible presentation, my losing the client doesn’t matter anymore as I spent a wonderful time with the kids.

I couldn’t remember my last water fight. Living in the modern society, we are often encountered with unprecedented level of stress in the workplaces. Overwhelmed by frustrations and setbacks, we tend to ignore the predicaments that most of us are deprived of the chance to cool ourselves down. When my jacket was getting heavier because of the water, I could feel a part of me, filled with tension and stress, was cleansed. Rather than blaming the kids for making my ear wet, I wanted to thank them for teaching me such a lesson -- we are all engines working tirelessly on the planet but sometimes we need to cool down, both the surface and the core, to run greater miles.

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