Jokes Today

赵云鹏

1. Visiting the Modern Art Museum， a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby. “This，” she said， “I suppose is one of those hideous representations you call modern art？”

“No， madam，” replied the attendant. “Thats ones called a mirror.”

2. English Teacher： Simon， Id like you to make up a sentence with a direct object.

Simon （after a pause）： “Miss， everybody thinks you are beautiful and clever.”

English Teacher： Well thank you， but what is the direct object？

Simon： A good report， Miss.

3.A young lady went into a bank to withdraw some money.

“Can you identify yourself？” asked the clerk.

The young lady opened her handbag， took out a mirror， looked into it and said， “Yes， its me all right.”

4.Mother： Hurry up. Youll be late for school.

Son： Dont want to go.

Mother： You must go.

Son： The teachers hate me， and the kids despise me， so why should I go？

Mother： Because youre forty-two years old， and youre the headmaster.

5.Business man A： My secretary has been loyal to me for years. Ive seen her grow grey-headed in my service.

Business man B： Thats nothing; mine has been with me for three months and shes been dark brown， ash blond and now shes a red-head.

6.A man bought a grandfather clock from an antique shop. In the street he put it over his shoulder and as he did so knocked over an old lady. “Idiot，”  she yelled， “why cant you wear a wrist-watch like the rest of us！”