续写中如何做到行文特点与原文一致

朱建良

“与所给短文融洽度高，与所提供各段落开头语衔接合理”是读后续写的评分标准之一。要做到与所给短文融洽度高，其中之一就是要做到行文风格与原文一致。

故事通常有情节线和情感线，有的文章的情感线是用表示情感的动词、形容词或副词来体现的，有的文章则不用情感类词语来表达，只是通过人物的语言和行为来体现。如果作者在前文中是通过情感类词语来表达的，我们在续写时也用情感类词语来表达;如果作者在前文中不用情感类词语，而只是通过语言和行为来体现，那么，我们在续写时也应只通过人物语言和行为来体现，这样才前后行文风格一致。请看下面一篇续写：

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。續写的词数应为150左右。

When I bought my silver labrador（拉布拉多犬）in the spring， I loved her so much that I named her Lucy. At first， she was still fairly new to my 80-acre family farm. Days later， Lucy was playing with my sisters dog， Plank， while I repaired a tractor on my farm.

The dogs eventually wandered down to a neighbors yard. Suddenly， I heard a couple of gunshots. My sisters dog came back， and he was terrified. At that point， I tried to look for Lucy and she never came back. I spent days searching for my dog in fields and forests for miles with no luck.

Talking with the neighbors， I found Lucy was last seen playing with my neighbors young daughter. But the family didnt know who Lucy belonged to， and they assumed since she was wearing a collar（项圈）， shed find her way back home. At that point， I knew Lucy wasnt shot and she was still alive.

As days turned into weeks， I made posters with photos of Lucy， putting up the posters for miles and distributing them to my areas animal shelters and vets. I also posted photo after photo of Lucy on Facebook， hoping someone might recognize her. Many reached back and shared my posters， but no one had seen Lucy. My biggest fear was that she was stuck in the rocks or something like that. Not knowing was just the hardest thing--not knowing her condition or where she was.

Summer turned into fall and winter， and the possibility of finding my dog was really small. My friends were trying to comfort me and said，“Well， you know， shes probably not going to come back and you may have to get a different dog.”But I refused and wanted to find Lucy.

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One day， I got a message from Prater， a vet， saying she got the dog.

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Prater had come to my area in July to camp when she found Lucy.

[写作指导]

首先，我们对文章进行一下梳理。下图向右箭头表示故事发展方向，竖向的两端箭头，上面实线框内是体现故事中角色行为的词，也是表明故事情节发展的词，是情节线，是明线;下面虚线框是根据角色行为推断出来的人物的情绪或情感表现，即情感线，是暗线。

值得注意的是，情感线中的这些词在文中并未出现，是根据角色的行为推断出来的，这是本文的语言特征或行文特点。我们在续写中也应遵循这一行文特点。

在弄清情节线、情感线、角色的性格和作者的行文特点后，就要结合已提供的段落首句进行续写了。

第一段的第一句One day， I got a message from Prater， a vet， saying she got the dog. 明确告诉角色久寻无果后得到了信息，那么此刻角色应该是非常高兴，惊喜，甚至不敢相信，这就是我们根据提供的首句合理衔接出来的文章的情感线，即暗线，我们心中有了这条情感的暗线，就可以根据逻辑合理地推断出作者的行为。然后就要根据上文的行文特点，应该尽量避免用surprised， excited 等词直接写，而要通过角色的行为或语言来体现，比如惊讶的“trembling voice”不敢相信的“ask again and again to make sure”等。为此，我们此段的行文可以如此进行，先写第一反应，惊喜：

Hearing the news， I tried my best to hold back my tears after waiting and expecting for so many days， weeks and seasons.

然后再来一个合理的转折，不敢相信。注意，这里要通过语言和行为多层次地丰富地体现人物情感：

“Is it true？ Are you kidding？ Are you sure it is Lucy？”After calming down， I asked questions one after another. Then， I begged for the photos of Lucy. The moment I saw the photo， I stared at the photo for a while before Prater reminded me to check it.

這样就能保证与所给文的融洽度高，与段落开头语衔接合理。

第二段的第一句Prater had come to my area in July to camp when she found Lucy决定了第一段的写作内容限定在作者确认，不会涉及到Prater 如何找到Lucy。而Prater 与Lucy的相遇过程及如何寻找Lucy的主人的，正是第二段要写的内容。

再结合所给文章的行文特点，依然要注意从暗线到明线的转换。这个阶段作者应该是耐心细致地了解Lucy的经历，以体现出对Lucy的爱，所以行文这样，“我”的言语行为少，安静地听。Prater 的描述要多，更多的明线上要与上文的我久寻但无果要匹配，并与我发布的信息要匹配，这样就能做到与所给文章，段落开头衔接合理。

[参考范文]

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One day， I got a message from Prater， a vet， saying she got the dog. My response was，“I hope youre serious---Ill come and get her right now.”I spoke with Prater on the phone， and I asked if the dog responded to name Lucy. Prater said，“Yes！” Prater sent me photos of the silver Labrador. I could tell quickly it was my Lucy.

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Prater had come to my area in July to camp when she found Lucy. As a vet， Prater knew this dog was just terrified and got lost. She opened up her car door， and Lucy jumped right in. Prater spent hours trying to find the lost dogs owner， going from house to house. She contacted local animal rescue groups， but no one had reported a missing dog. But on Dec. 21， it occurered to her that she could search Facebook again. This time， she got my poster. She got in touch with me and finally returned Lucy.

[范文评析]

这篇参考范，第一段在情节的安排上，紧扣首句，但是因为太久，所以角色确实是不相信，但没有直接说，而是用I hope you are serious体现出来，又比照名字，比照照片等，非常符合前文行文特点。然而虽然角色不太相信，但是马上说他会马上去带狗狗回来，和前文非常爱狗是一致的。

第二段续写的情节安排合理，紧扣首句prater 是vet，如何和狗狗相遇，接下来几句也写了prater各种找寻无果最终通过facebook和前文很好的照应。

续写部分从行文风格上来说和原文也非常的匹配，没有用过多的形容词去特意表现角色情感，只是通过行为语言的描述去表现角色。

总而言之，我们要通过阅读文章，推断角色的性格特点，行文风格等，然后结合提供的段首句，进行续写。

责任编辑 蒋小青