一个中心，两条拓展线

罗春恒

读后续写首先要求考生閱读一篇约350词的不完整故事，然后依据该材料内容、所给段落开头语进行续写（150词左右），将其发展成一篇情节和结构完整的短文。

故事往往通过设计情节障碍而推动故事高潮的产生，加上场景描写的烘托，人物心理的细致描写，让整个故事能够条理清晰，逻辑性强地展现在读者的眼前，有些主题性较强的故事也可以在结尾处加上一些点睛之笔。

写作思路：一个中心，两条拓展线

一个中心指的是故事的中心词、中心句，文章的主旨。两条拓展线指的是故事的情节线和情感线。

注意：

1. 学生在拓展故事时不能偏离中心;

2. 不能违背作者的观点和感情色彩;

3. 多使用细节性的描述，不要用太多的对话。

下面，我们将以2016年10月浙江卷为例，和同学们一起来学习如何写好故事续写。

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。续写的词数应为150左右。

One weekend in July， Jane and her husband， Tom， had driven three hours to camp overnight by a lake in the forest. Unfortunately， on the way an unpleasant subject came up and they started to quarrel. By the time they reached the lake， Jane was so angry that she said to Tom，“Im going to find a better spot for us to camp”and walked away.

With no path to follow， Jane just walked on for quite a long time. After she had climbed to a high place， she turned around， hoping to see the lake. To her surprise， she saw nothing but forest and， far beyond， a snow capped mountain top. She suddenly realized that she was lost.

“Tom！”she cried.“Help！”

No reply. If only she had not left her mobile phone in that bag with Tom. Jane kept moving， but the farther she walked， the more confused she became. As night was beginning to fall， Jane was so tired that she had to stop for the night. Lying awake in the dark， Jane wanted very much to be with Tom and her family. She wanted to hold him and tell him how much she loved him.

Jane rose at the break of day， hungry and thirsty. She could hear water trickling（滴落）somewhere at a distance. Quickly she followed the sound to a stream. To her great joy， she also saw some berry bushes. She drank and ate a few berries. Never in her life had she tasted anything better. Feeling stronger now， Jane began to walk along the stream and hope it would lead her to the lake.

As she picked her way carefully along the stream， Jane heard a helicopter. Is that for me？ Unfortunately， the trees made it impossible for people to see her from above. A few minutes later， another helicopter flew overhead. Jane took off her yellow blouse， thinking that she should go to an open area and flag them if they came back again.

Paragraph 1

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again._______________________

Paragraph 2

It was daybreak when Jane woke up.____________________

一、理清故事线索

通过阅读，我们可以围绕life和love这个中心，对所给文段进行情节线和情感线的梳理。

六要素：

情節线：quarreled→walked away→got lost→found the stream→helicopter  yellow blouseopen areayellow blouse

情感线：angry-（surprise）--（confused/regretful）--（feeling stronger）（hopeful）

已给首句

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.

It was daybreak when Jane woke up.

二、搭建续写框架

一般来说，故事的内容以Jane在林中历尽曲折、最终与Tom相见、两人和好为宜，以形成一个完整的故事环，从而突出夫妻之间理性沟通的重要性这一主题。

根据上文，出现了helicopter，但是续写第一段开头出现了转折but。再根据第二段开头daybreak， Jane woke up得知第一段里，Jane 被困在野外，仍然没有被获救，在it was getting dark again 的环境烘托下，她独自一人在外，会发生什么事情呢？心情会受到什么影响呢？

而第二段的开头daybreak里，情节会有什么转机呢？还会有飞机过来吗？她能获救吗？获救之后，她的情绪又会有什么变化呢？

下面，我们再整理一下我们即将要续写的内容框架。

在这篇文章的续写框架的建构过程中，我们要在夫妻俩最终团圆这个大前提下去进行构思设计。我们可以在Jane获救前设计一两个波折事件或者险境，比如：在没被飞机发现前Jane会遇到什么呢？会想起什么呢？她会后悔和丈夫Tom 之前的争吵赌气吗？我们可以在合理的情节创设过程中用生动的动作细节描写，借助环境描写的烘托，再加上穿插深刻的人物心理描述，把人物在跌宕起伏的情节中描述得栩栩如生。最后，我们也可以加上本文来自生活的点题。

三、参考范文

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Soon， an absolute darkness ruled the forest.（环境烘托，衔接上文）Jane， tired and scared， lay down near a stone， missing her family at a distance.（环境下产生的心理影响）All the fantastic memory crowded in and she couldnt help crying，“Hadnt I quarreled with Tom， walked away and climbed to the high place， I wouldnt be trapped in this awful place， confronted with the danger of dying.”（详尽的心理独白描写）She regretted with endless anxiety， and then became asleep with shining tears in her eyes.（with 复合结构的使用能把人物的心理刻画得入木三分）

It was daybreak when Jane woke up. And， as luck would have it， a helicopter just came by！（转折点）Jane yelled and skipped， waving her yellow blouse.（动作的到位描述，更能体现当时人物的心情）To her great joy， the helicopter noticed her and landed. What astonished her most was that it was Tom who sat in the helicopter！Out rushed Tom. A huge smile spread across Janes face and the couple hugged tightly for a long time.（情感动词，倒装句，副词的使用使得人物兴奋激动的心情跃于纸上）It was the narrow escape that made Jane realize that love was priceless.（强调句）Over the next years， a change came over the couple. Reasoned discussion replaced fierce arguments and politeness replaced contradiction. They treasured their life and love more.（最后来个点题）

责任编辑 蒋小青