Chinese Etiquette 中国人的礼节

孙美萍

There is an intricate etiquette system in China that has developed over thousands of years. While mastery of its twists and turns may be out of reach for most foreigners， it is a good idea to at least attempt to understand it.

Miànzi—Saving face

Face is a complicated system of shame and stature measurement. “To have face”， you mianzi， means to be respected by your peers. In China， one must always protect their “face” but also take care to save the “face” of others.

The “loss of face”， diu mianzi， is one of the worst things that could happen to a Chinese person. To avoid this “loss” it is recommended that you dont insult， yell at or criticize someone in public. Criticism—even if constructive—should be given in private in a very calm manner.

Guānxi—You are who you know

Directly translated guānxi means “relationship”， and it is basically how much “pull” you have in society.

About 2，500 years ago Confucius preached a system of morals and ethics designed to bring order to the then rather hedonistic1 and chaotic times. These rules have stuck around and have come a long way in defining guānxi. Confucius broke it down into five key relationships： ruler-subject， father-son， friend-friend， husband-wife and brother-sister. These are the core relationships and offer some insight as to who gets top say. The relationship that isnt defined by this， but plays most heavily into guanxi is that of your “connections”.

While visitors will likely not need much knowledge of this culture point， long-term residents are sure to hit it full force—whether it be visiting a hospital， starting a business， or just getting the best seat in a restaurant.

Kèqì

Kèqì， or politeness， is another area where Chinese culture differs a bit from Western norms. It can be a bit off-putting2 and confusing to foreign visitors that “thanks” is not as casually or frequently said. In the West we tend to say ‘thank you for everything. Its become an instinctive courtesy in English. It will often baffle a waitress or shop assistant when you thank them for something that is part of their job or “duty”.

As such， foreigners tend to hear the phrase “bú kèqì” quite a lot. This is the appropriate response to “xiè xie/thank you” but does not quite mean “youre welcome.” Rather it translates more like “no need to be so polite.” This is particularly so between family members， where too much politeness can be seen as treating family in an overly formal way， which can be a sign of disrespect.

Generally speaking， Chinese people strive for modesty or humbleness， and boasting or bragging will not win you any favours in China.

Whats in a name？

Addressing people the proper way is made doubly hard by language barriers coupled with a complete reversal of how we look at names in English. In China the family name comes first—and though there are about 3，000 surnames in use， nearly a quarter of the countrys large population use “Lǐ”， “Wáng” or “Zhào”. The second part of the name is the given name， of which there is usually much pride attached to. It is a parent-honouring tradition for the owner of a name to know precisely its meaning.

Unless you are on quite close terms with someone， it is best not to refer to them by their given name， but rather by their whole name. For example， unless you are good friends with a guy named Li Yaqin， you would not refer to him by either “Li” （surname） or “Yaqin” （given name）; but rather call him “Lǐ Xiānshēng” or the complete “Li Yaqin”.

Intimacy

Though attitudes of physical interaction are changing quickly among Chinas youth， traditional society still prevails. Its no problem to shake someones hand when you meet them， but a hug or kiss is reserved only for close friends and family members. Also note that you need not give that big， from-the-waist bow—though close in geography， China is very much not Japan. Nor is it Thailand， so lotus-bud hand3 thing will also leave your Chinese hosts feeling awkward and confused.

Public displays of affection are sometimes frowned upon between Chinese people.

Should you get your romance on with a Chinese person， be sure to at least consider that the cultures are different. Chinese people are generally much more reserved than Westerners are used to. Guys， expect to do most of the groundwork with Chinese females， and girls， bet on being considered quite forward if you initiate things with a Chinese man. Also be aware the position you put your Chinese partner in if you break social norms and initiate affection in public. Of course your partner may not mind， but it is sure to get them a lot of possibly unwanted attention from looky-lius4.

“No” is uncommon

Its no coincidence that there is no Chinese word for “no”， only the rather open ended “not yes/búshì”. Chinese etiquette tends to be such that unless the circumstances are extreme you would generally not be so direct as to say “no”. Being direct is just not how communication is done in China， Chinese prefer to talk indirectly， or around the issue. For example， instead of giving a direct “no”， a Chinese person would prefer to say keneng you xie xiao wenti， or “maybe theres a little problem”）， or wo kaolü kaolü （， or “Ill think it over”）. This can seem frustrating and inefficient to outsiders， but in the reverse， English speakers are sometimes considered brutish for their forcefulness and lack of suave5.

中国的礼节错综复杂，已经发展了数千年之久。虽然对于大多数外国人来说精通其中门道或许遥不可及，但至少尝试理解，那也是好的。

面子——保存脸面

脸面是一个复杂的概念，用以衡量一个人的羞耻感与声望。“有面子”意味着受到同辈的尊重。在中国，一个人必须时刻保住自己的“脸面”，同时也要小心行事，保住他人的“脸面”。

对于中国人来说，“丢面子”是可能发生的最糟糕的事情之一。为了避免面子的“丢失”，建议不要在公共场合侮辱别人、朝别人大喊或批评别人。即使是建设性的批评，也应该在私下里以比较平和的方式进行。

关系——你所认识的人造就了你

中文“关系”一词直译成英语就是relationship（关系），基本上就是指你在社会中有多大的“影响力”。

大约2500年前，孔子讲授伦理道德，旨在为当时比较耽于享乐、混乱无序的时代带来秩序。这些礼教留存了下来，并在定义“关系”这一概念上经历了漫长的过程。孔子划分了五种主要的关系：君臣、父子、朋友、夫妇、兄弟姐妹。这些关系在一定程度上显示了尊卑。在这里没有被定义、但是对于“关系”却作用重大的便是一个人的“人脉”。

虽然外国游客可能并不需要对这一文化现象了解太多，但长期居住在中国的外国人一定能够全面感受到这一文化——不管是去医院、创业或者仅仅是在餐馆找一个最好的位置。

客气

客气，或是礼貌，是中国文化略微不同于西方规范的另一方面。中国人并不随意或经常说“谢谢”，这可能会让外国游客感到些许不快与疑惑。西方人倾向于在每件事上说“谢谢你”，这已成为英语文化中一项本能的礼节。而在中国，当你向女服务员或店员表示感谢时，她们经常会感到困惑，因为她们只不过完成了分内之职或是应尽之“责”罢了。

同样地，外国人似乎经常会听到“不客气”，这是对“谢谢”的合适的回答，但又不完全等同于“不用谢”（Youre welcome），而是更接近于“不需要这么礼貌”。这在家庭成员之间尤其突出，过多的礼貌会显得对于家人过于正式，而这是一种失礼的表现。

总体而言，中国人力求谦逊。在中国，太多的吹嘘与自夸并不会给你带来任何好处。

一个人的名字意味着什么？

由于语言障碍，加之汉英语言完全相反的名字排列方式，在双重阻碍下，恰当地称呼他人变得很困难。在中国，姓氏放在最前面——即使有大约3000个姓氏在用，在全中国的广大人口中，有将近四分之一的人使用“李”“王”“赵”这几个姓氏。姓名的第二部分是一个人的名，名中通常会有诸般让人自傲的含义。知道自己名字的具体含义是对父母的一大敬意。

除非你与别人特别亲密，否则最好不要直呼名字，而是称呼其全名。比如，除非你和一个名为李亚秦（音译）的人是好朋友，否则不要称呼他为“李”（姓）或“亚秦”（名），而是叫他“李先生”，或叫他的全名“李亚秦”。

亲密关系

尽管中国年轻人正在快速转变对于肢体接触的态度，传统的社会理念依然盛行。与人见面时，握手并没有问题，但是拥抱或亲吻仅限于亲密的朋友或家庭成员之间。同样要注意，这里并不需要一个90度弯腰鞠躬——即使中国和日本在地理位置上比较接近，中国很多地方不同于日本。中国也不是泰国，像莲花花蕾一样的双手“合十礼”会让招待你的中国朋友感到尴尬与困惑。

有时，公开示爱会让中国人感到反感。

如果你和中国人谈恋爱，请务必至少考虑一下文化的不同，通常中国人要比西方人保守得多。因此，和中国女性谈恋爱，大多时候男生要主动，外国女生跟中国男性谈恋爱，如果在关系中主动肯定会被认为太过大胆。同时，如果打破社会规范，公开示爱，你要注意是否会让自己的中国伴侣处于尴尬境地。当然，你的伴侣可能不介意，但这肯定會引来一些看热闹的人，给你的伴侣带来许多可能不必要的关注。

“不”很少见

没有汉语词语对应“no”（不），只有开放性的“不是”，这并不是巧合。在中国人的礼节中，除非情况很极端，否则人们通常不会很直接地说“不”。直截了当并不是中国人在交际中的做法，他们喜欢委婉地或拐弯抹角地谈问题。例如，中国人喜欢说“可能有些小问题”或“我考虑考虑”而不是直接说“不”。对于外国人来说，这可能会看起来令人沮丧同时又毫无效率，但是反过来说，英语国家的人有时会由于态度强硬、不够柔和而被视作蛮横。

（译者为“《英语世界》杯”翻译大赛获奖者，译者单位：北京外国语大学）

1 hedonistic享乐主义的。  2 off-putting使人懊恼的。

3泰国人在交际往来中不喜欢与人握手，见面时通常采用“合十礼”。行合十礼时，要立正站好，双手十指并拢掌心相对，其状若莲花花蕾。

4 looky-lius是英语单词looky-loos的变形，意指逛街时只看不买的人;也指喜欢围观（尤其是交通事故等）的人。  5 suave温和的;文雅的。