■王 后/黄冈师范学院外国语学院
英语书面表达能力反映了学生的语言基本功及写作技能。提高写作水平需要脚踏实地的知识积累,也需要老师的引导和启发。本文作者就写后评价反馈这一环节,结合某市的一所省级重点高中学生的英语习作原稿及高考书面表达能力的要求,探讨有效的做法。
该校的一个传统是:标测、期中/末考试后,都会选取2-4篇23分左右的学生作文,加上一篇老师自己创作的同题作文,一起印刷给全年级的学生学习模仿。这种反馈方法有一定的效果。但笔者通读这些高分作文以及访谈学生后,认识到它存在三个问题:①学生们不一定能全面鉴赏到这些作文的亮点;②考场高分作文不是反复推敲、审核后的范文,示范性受影响。③作文推敲、修改、完善的过程需要展示。学生们的疑问是:为什么扣分?我该怎么努力?即:如何正确归因并明确修改的思路和过程,才能给困惑中的学生更多启发。
形成性评价指的是,在学生学习过程中,老师给予各种形式的反馈。引导学生及时调整策略、纠正错误,最后完成原本较难的任务。教师针对学生写作过程、包括写后修改环节中出现的问题或困难,给予启发、鼓励、协助,学生感受到老师的支持,看到正确(得体)的和错误(语用失误)的表达之间的对比,明显感受到这种差别的时候,真正的学习就容易发生(邹为诚,25)。
一堂深入、细致的写作讲评课,一定要让学生看到这种前后的对比,用心思考,积极参与。讲评的组织形式可以灵活,同桌或小组互评,全班讨论都可以。笔者建议老师们从三个方面去引导:
教师备课时浏览全班同学的习作,从宏观到微观,全方位进行分析。宏观上从切题、完整、准确、连贯四个维度去找典型失误,微观上,尤其是“准确”,可以根据每次作文的具体情况,归纳出多种错误类型,如:单词拼写、词语用法、句子结构、中式思维等,结合学生习作中的原始表达,现场点评,讨论、修改。这个过程真正的意义不仅在于改对几个句子,更多的是促成学生的顿悟,如:不能望文生义,要勤查字典,要注意搭配关系,要慎用繁复形式等。
如某同学的原文中写着:“Besides,when you come out, avoid approaching to the illed people. The cold is easy to spread.”此处词性混淆,词语用法错误,句子结构不对,句间缺少衔接。建议可改 为 ①“Finally, when you come out,you’d better not meet the infected people since the cold is easy to spread.” 或②“Most importantly, you are expected to wear a mask when you go out or to avoid being exposed to the sick people in public places since the virus spreads rapidly.”
有面有点。上面的评讲覆盖面广,绝大部分同学的习作问题都可以被提及。接下来是重点突破,建议选取某一篇有代表性的作文,全班同学一起深入、逐词逐句推敲,找出所有的问题一一击破,集思广益,改出二稿,三稿,甚至更多。
以某一次的标测考场作文为例:
题目:源自2018高考天津卷真题的61题。把原题中的天津换成了武汉。
一篇21分的学生作文(主干部分):
There is about to hold the World Adolescent Robotic Competition at the end of July. I have heard that you has a talent for designing the robot and won the rewards in the previous competitions. As a leader of our school’s group, I’d like to invite you to join us.
Our group has already have some“experts” who are good at making and controlling the robot. So It will be perfect if you come to help us. We’ll have a wonderful grade through our cooperations.
The competition will be held in Wuhan and we still have two months for training. The training plan I’ve sent to your email. And I surpose it will be very helpful if you can provide us with some good advices.
全班同学一起去发现,①如上图,用下划线标出所有表达有误的地方,②第一段开头先说邀请,再说原因才是西方人的思维方式。③So 连接的二个句子不合逻辑。由此就完成了这篇文章的初步修改指导。学生可据此改出二稿。
二稿:
I am the leader of our school’s Robotic Interest Group, I’d like to invite you to join us for The World Adolescent Robotic Competition, which will be held in Wuhan at the end of July. It is known that you have a talent for designing robots and have obtained several awards in previous competitions. It is our great honor to become partners with you.
Even though some experts have joined us, we might still be confronted with some challenges. If you can join us,we are firmly convinced that our team will be more competitive through our cooperation.
If you make up your mind, please let us know as soon as possible. As for further details, please contact through e-mail.
在此基础上,改出崇尚简洁文风的第三稿:
I’m Li Hua, leader of our school’s Student Club of Robotic (SCR). I’m writing to invite you to join us for the World Adolescent Robotic Competition(WARC), which is to be held in Wuhan late this July.
We believe that your great talent for robot design and rich award-winning experience in robot-related competitions will enable us to stand much better chance to win out in the fiercely competitive WARC for which we have only two months to prepare.
SCR are looking forward to your presence as either a team member or an advisor.
读者会发现:二、三稿都漏掉了题目中的“要点3:训练计划将发送其邮箱,请他提出建议。”因为有学生提出:在别人没做肯定答复前, 就发更多细节不合常理,在西方人看来不礼貌……,有道理,但题干中的要点应该完整表达出来。所以,可以加上“If you accept my invitation, the training plan will be sent to you at your earliest convenience, and I hope that you could offer some precious suggestions.”既合乎逻辑又达到目的。
像这样深入评析、修改一篇学生习作,能激发思考、引起讨论、有效提高学生的书面表达意识。
有了上二步的点、面结合,我们还需引导学生定期归纳总结。
一学期下来,学生手头上有相当数量的高分作文。我们建议进行系统整理。除了书写质量和准确表达之外,老师列出其它关注点让学生去梳理,如:高级词汇;句式变化(长短句交错、复合句、分词结构、倒装、强调…);修辞手法(排比、双重否定、反问…); 引用;衔接等,学生们对好作文的特点印象更深刻。
经过上面三个方面的深入、细致指导,学生们对如何提高高考英语作文写作技巧有了清晰的认识。有了扎实的语言功底,加上对写作技巧的实践练习,知行合一,一定能写出高水平的高中英语作文。