江苏省连云港市罗阳中学九年级(2)班 刘权基
刘权基,来自江苏省连云港市的阳光男孩。他性格开朗,思维活跃,爱好广泛,学习成绩优异,曾四次获得学校奖学金。他酷爱英语,曾三次获得“江苏省中学生英语风采大赛”一等奖。
Computers are becoming more and more useful in our daily life.It’s very important for us to learn how to use computers.Now,I’ll give you some ①advices about using computers.
First,the Internet is playing an important part in our life.On the Internet,we can learn news both at home and abroad.We can also send messages by e-mail,read all kinds of books and learn foreign languages by ourselves.②Except we can enjoy music,watch sports matches and play games.We can go shopping,book tickets for the trains or the p lanes and so on.In a word,the Internet has made our life m ore colorful.
Second,try not to waste much time on computer games.It’s bad for our eyes and we should spend more time③on studying.
Computers are very useful,if you use④it in a good way.
教师点评:
本文采用了“总—分—总”的顺序进行写作,整篇文章条理清晰,语言流畅精练。首先,第一段概述了我们应该学会使用电脑;然后,用两个自然段从正反两面说明如何健康合理地使用电脑;最后,在文章的结尾处用一句话总结全文。
需完善的内容:
①advices改为advice。advice是不可数名词。
②Except改为Besides。except意为“(用于所言不包括的人或事物前)除……之外”,besides意为“除……之外(还)”。
③on改为in或直接去掉。spend...(in)doing sth.意为“花费(时间或金钱)做某事”。
④it改为them。代指上文中的复数可数名词com puters,应使用them。