基于课文内容的读后续写

马皓

一、高考新题型对英语写作能力提出新的要求

先读后写，在阅读一段文字后再根据写作要求开展写作练习，这是自2016年浙江省高考英语采用新题型后写作第二节的题型。在这一节中，要求考生在阅读一篇短文后，根据所给情节续写，使之与短文合成一个完整的故事；或是基于短文写出一篇60词左右的内容概要。这种基于阅读的写作测试技能考查考生“全方位”的阅读能力，考生不仅需要读懂文本的“信息链”、文体与语言风格、文本逻辑等，还要有写作能力。考生须严格根据所读文本的语言风格与文体特征，用不同的方式表达相似的含义，同时须考虑语言应用的准确性和得体性、衔接自然以及连续地表达内容等。

在这种高考要求的反拨作用下，以前英语书面表达只要背好相关应用文格式，会写长难句、复杂词就可以拿高分的局面不复存在。学生需要新的技能点，才能应对这类写作。

二、在常态课的教学中渗透读后续写能力的培养

鉴于语言能力的培养是与教材内容及其他日常接触的语料密不可分的渐进式养成过程，在平时的常态课学习中，学生们可以积累更多的写作词汇和语法知识，为提高表达质量提供物质保障。因此，结合课文的学习经常性有规律地渗透写作活动，不失为提高读后写作能力的一种可行办法。

在英语常态课中，原本需要完成的教学任务有：

1.阅读（Reading），以精读一篇300—400词（到模块五逐渐增至500—600词）的课文，熟悉它的组织结构、写作意图和词汇运用为目的。

2.语言知识（Learning about language），以进一步熟悉运用本单元中的词汇知识和学习一项语法知识为目的。

3.语言运用（Using language），以本单元中所学语言知识在听、说、写中的运用为目的，有时还会在这一部分介绍一些说或写的功能性语句和应用文体。

4.与本单元语言知识相关的练习册练习，进一步巩固本单元所学各个语言知识以及提供一些拓展阅读和应试题型练习。

在这样的教学流程中，结合教学内容开展的读后续写活动，特别适合以周末作业的形式开展。具体操作如下：

1.结合阅读，开展概括或续写或改写练习。

2.结合语言知识，开展仿写、造句练习。

3.结合教科书的语言运用所学习的文体，在练习册中选取适当的篇章，并在阅读之后进行相应文体的写作。

三、基于课文内容的读后续写案例

人教版普通高中课程标准实验教科书《英语（必修二）》第四单元的主题是关于野生动植物保护，其中reading部分为短文“How Daisy Learned to Help Wildlife”。这篇课文的主题是野生动植物保护，共有四段分三个部分，分别为：

Part 1（para 1）：the story of Tibetan antelopes in Tibet： Why we need wildlife protection

Part 2（para 2）：the story of African elephants in Zimbabwe： A good example of wildlife protection

Part 3（para 3-4）：the story of a monkey rubbing a millipede insect over itself in a rainforest： What we can get from wildlife protection

文章以Daisy乘坐魔毯来到这三个地方的故事讲述了她对于“为什么要进行野生动植物保护”“野生动植物保护的成功案例”以及“人类从野生动植物保护中可以得到什么好处”这三个层层递进的主题的体验和感想。因此，进一步拓展这些主题，读后续写可设置这样的写作任务：

如果Daisy去到第四个地方，会是哪里？她在那里遇到什么动物，那个动物的故事是什么？给Daisy什么启发了吗？

词数100左右，越多越好。

这一任务写作的重点是：

1.前三个故事都分别从Daisy的视角，以第三人称描述了所见所闻。

2.每个故事都包括如下要素：

3.有对话描写。

4.场景转换处可有魔毯出现。

5.注意时态的选择和动词的运用。

【学生习作及点评】

[习作1]

Daisy was on her way to WWF when she met the cute panda. This black-and-white species was once in danger because of the lack of bamboo and habitat. “Why are you looking so excited？” asked Daisy. “I am going to the WWF in order to express my sincere thanks.” responded the panda， “I am being helped by it so that I can live in such a secure environment.” then Daisy smiled and offered， “ Lets go there together. Id like to introduce a new and effective drug to WWF.”

Eventually they headed for WWF together. （CJY， 95 words）

點评

与上文衔接自然，除了最后部分唐突出现的eventually，对话的比例也和课文非常接近，并且较好地应用了刚刚学过的一些语汇，比如“was once in danger because of the lack of bamboo and habitat”一句中的“in danger”和“habitat”，以及下文中的“respond”“secure”“am being helped （be being done）”都是本单元刚刚学的词汇或语法项目，这个学生尝试在自己的续写中将这些语汇知识转换成自己的写作词汇，虽然不是最恰当，但也值得鼓励。另外，以前背过的感谢信相关表达方式“in order to express my sincere thanks”也被他借用到这篇习作中。美中不足的是，第二段看起来比较草率。总之，这个学生的语感相当不错，也有一定的词汇句法积累，如果能注意结构的平衡就更好了。

[习作2]

Daisy decided to do something to protect the animals. She made up her mind and went downstairs. She opened the door and saw a dirty little dog shaking and lying on the ground. “Jesus， what happened to you？ Why are you lying on ground instead of in your home with your master？”“I dont have master and my parents are missing. I beg for food but I only get a little.” The little dog answered. “I want to be your master until you find your parents. Ill take care of you.” Daisy said without a second thought. The little dog agreed thankfully.

Daisy took the dog to her home and took care of it as she can. She treated it so well that it felt only happiness and of course， no more sadness and pain. Daisy never forgot the promise she made to help the animals in need and protect them well as she can. She realized that not only the animals in danger need help but also the pets， such as cats， dogs and rabbits. Sometimes people cant give help to the animal which is in the worst situation immediately， but everyone can help the animals in need nearby. Daisy understood that what she had done is just a small thing， but if everyone can do their best to protect the animals and show their respect to the environment. The relationship between humans and the environment will be better. （SJH， 239 words）

點评

词汇是否地道，所描述内容是否有价值，都能影响表达质量。这个学生的语言驾驭能力应该没有上一个强，但胜在态度认真并且愿意去进行细节描写。比如“She made up her mind and went downstairs. She opened the door and saw a dirty little dog shaking and lying on the ground.”这两句话中出现了6个动词，虽然只是以简单句或并列句的形式出现，但是由于对细节的把控和良好的思维习惯，上下文层层递进，一幅动态的画卷就在读者面前徐徐打开。在以后学了非谓语动词的使用之后，对这个场景稍加修饰，比如，把这两个句子合并成“Having made up her mind， she went downstairs and opened the door. There on the ground lied a dirty little dog， shaking but wagging its tail to her...”那么其习作就不但有内容，也有了更好的语言包装。目前这篇习作的不足之处在于句式单调，类似“she... she... I... I”这样开头的句子不断出现，有一点单调重复，这也是在接下来的两年高中英语学习中应予以注意改善的地方。

[习作3]

Daisy looked at the clock and found it was only five oclock in the morning so she made a decision to have some more sleep without interruption. She fell asleep soon. She was still thinking about wildlife protection. Whats more， she was wondering whether there were other examples of animals living in harmony. The flying carpet suddenly appeared by her bed. “I know what you want to see. Come with me.” All of a sudden， they got to a wet land. Daisy saw a rhino bathing itself in a pool with a special bird on it. What a harmonious sight！ Daisys curiosity was inspired. She asked， “what does this mean？” the rhino replied， “oh， my bird catch the bugs on my body to protect me from skin diseases. In return， my duty is to provide shelter for it. We are really good friends.” Daisy smiled， “I see. Please enjoy your time.” The flying carpet said， “as you see， in reality there are many examples which prove that animals have a bond with each other. They help each other. While some species are dying， others will surely be affected.” “You are so clever. I learned a lot. Please take me home so I can write it down.” The flying carpet rose again. In a blink of the eyes， they returned to her home. Upon their arrival， everything began to get vague， Daisy tried to open her eyes. She woke up. It was seven oclock. （CYX， 243 words ）

点评

这个学生对原文读得很仔细，并且体现在了自己的习作中。比如“The flying carpet suddenly appeared by her bed.”“All of a sudden， they got to a wet land. ”这两种场景切换在原文中都有出现并用不同的表达方式讲述，原文第一个故事是“One day when she woke up and found a flying carpet by her bed.”；第二个故事是 “The flying carpet travelled so fast that next minute they were in ...”；第三个故事是“The carpet rose again and almost at once they were in ...”，这个学生在阅读的过程中把握了文章的这个特征。另外，他也能够自觉使用高级词汇。比如“provide shelter for”，“in a blink of the eyes”等。但是他在写作中确实还有很多需要改进的地方，比如，与上一个学生一样，句式单调重复，多样性不够，总是用 she开头；又比如，在阅读和写作中，有“见木不见林”的倾向，以为堆砌几个高级词汇就能写好文章了。写作不仅需要养成良好的习惯，更要关注篇章的整体性，使整篇习作的整体语言面貌及内容设计与所读短文更契合。

以上习作是在两个班级78篇上交习作中整体写得比较好，老师略加修改后在课堂上与学生分享的3篇。除此之外，在整个写作过程中，特别是切入到“第四个地方”的过渡段中，其他学生也体现出很多闪光点。在课堂分享中，给大家带来不少启迪和乐趣：

XYY： Daisy was amazed， “Flying carpet， please take me to the places where I can see some wildlife protection with the help of WWF”，“The carpet landed...”等表述中，“flying carpet”和“wildlife protection”这两个关键元素直接、自然地出现在过渡句中。

NY：So Daisy made up her mind to work with the WWF to help wildlife at once... “WWF”和“at once”都是上文第三个故事中过渡时曾出现的，在这里又有复现，很好地起到了衔接作用。

ZYC： Without the help of the flying carpet， Daisy had to...尚记得第四段中说过flying carpet消失了。

ZH： So Daisy was more determined to work in WWF when she grew up. She achieved her dream after graduation. “WWF”的复现是对上文的小结，然后以“achieved her dream”引起下文。

GYY： So here Daisy was， right in WWF...“so”“right”这些词的使用比较恰当。

SJ： “Hello， this is WWF.” a voice came into her ears， “Hello， this is Daisy .” Daisy began to tell WWF here experience with the animals she met...因為“flying carpet”消失了，所以打电话……

TSJ： Years later， Daisy woke up as usual in the morning. Surprisingly， she found the flying carpet by the bed again. “as usual”“Surprisingly”表达了情节变化；“Years later”“again”体现对上文的延续；然后还有“the flying carpet by the bed”虽然照抄了第一段的语句，但是却体现出不一样的意味。

ZYX： That night Daisys mother cooked... for dinner. Daisy was walking in the garden when she thought that this plant was an endangered species. All of a sudden， the flying carpet came down from the sky. Seeing this... 不但语言高级，而且注意到前三段是有关动物的故事，而主题是保护“野生动植物”，因此补充了一个关于植物的故事。

这其中所表现出来的各种设计不但体现着学生们思维的活力，也让人赞叹他们对语言现象的敏感程度。当然在应用语言知识时也并非都是成功案例，也有一些学生在使用较高级表达方式时出现了种种状况。比如：

（1）As a matter of fact， she had live in the rainforest since 5 years ago， alone， for saving these endangered species from extinction.

“，alone，”作为若干个状语之一出现在这里显得突兀，同时这个句子的时态也和时间状语不搭，如果是“she has lived in the rainforest alone since...”就会顺畅很多。另外“for”在这里所表示的逻辑关系也有问题，如果改成“in order to save...”更加符合上下文的语境预设。

（2）Daisy had seen the pandas leave in peace together and gave a smile of relief.

这句话之前就出现过很多次“the pandas”，因此这里如果改成“... seen all this and...”就可以了。

（3）They arrived at the Yangze River， which is the biggest river in China.

可以改成 “River， the biggest river in China”这样的同位语就可以了，用从句并不一定是最简洁的表述方式。

（4）But now I am grateful of you. WWF gave us a home and protected us from hunting so we can be left in peace.

这句虽然有用更高级词汇、语法结构的意愿，但是因为对它们的了解不够，类似的错误或误用并不仅出现在这一个学生的习作中。可以改成“But now I am grateful to you. WWF gave us a home and protected us from being hunting so we can lead a peaceful life here now. ”

（5）I think the future of wildlife will be better and better. She smiled happily.

这句话本身可以接受，但是太“低幼”了些，完全可以用更高级凝练的语汇。改成“Hopefully， the future of wildlife would be bright， so she thought to herself.”是否能给读者带来更好的阅读体验？