8 Mistakes P arents Make with Preschoolers

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Find out how you can avoid these common parenting missteps.如何避免这些常见的育儿错误。

Sometimes, it may seem like your preschooler has the innate ability to push you to the outer edge of your patience. And that’s on a good day.

有时，孩子似乎天生就有一种挑战你耐心极限的能力，而且这算是运气好的时候。

Fear not, moms and dads. You’re not alone. Preschoolers want to own their newfound independence. But they also want the close attention and love of their caregivers.

Michele Borba, EdD, author ofThe Big Book of Parenting Solutions, says,“These ages (3-5) are among the most active and frustrating in terms of parenting.”

Here are eight common mistakes parents of preschoolers make and some smart fixes to help avoid or resolve problems.

各位妈妈和爸爸不必害怕。你们并不孤单。学龄前的孩子们想拥有他们新发现的独立空间。但同时他们也渴望父母的密切关注和关爱。

《育儿百科》的作者米歇尔·波巴是一名教育学博士，她说：“就儿童教育来说，这个年龄段（3—5岁）的孩子是最活跃、最令人束手无策的。”

下面是学龄前儿童的父母常犯的8个错误，以及一些帮助父母避免或解决问题的有效方法。

1. Straying1 stray (from)偏离，走失。 too much from routines

1. 不守规矩

Consistency is key for preschoolers,says pediatrician Tanya Remer Altmann,author ofMommy Calls: Dr. Tanya Answers Parents’ Top 101 Questions about Babies and Toddlers.

儿科医生塔尼娅·雷默·奥尔特曼是《妈妈育儿热线：塔尼娅博士回答父母的101个婴幼儿常见问题》的作者。她认为，前后一致对于学龄前儿童很关键。

When you’re not being consistent with your routine, preschoolers get confused and may act out more or throw more temper tantrums2throw a (temper) tantrums（尤指儿童）耍脾气，使性子。. Altmann says,“If sometimes you let them do something and sometimes you don’t, they don’t understand.”

如果你的行为前后不一致，孩子就会迷惑，继而可能大发脾气。奥尔特曼说：“如果你有时允许孩子们做这个，有时不允许，他们就会迷惑。”

Your child probably wants to know why last time Mommy let her play on the playground for 10 minutes when school got out but this time wants her to get in the car right away. Or why did Mommy lay down with her for 10 minutes last night while she fell asleep but now says she can’t.

Fix it: Be consistent across the board3across the board全体，整体，全面。—whether it’s with discipline,sleep habits, or mealtime routines.

Altmann says if your routine is consistent 90% of the time and your child is doing well, then so are you, and a minor exception may be OK.

孩子可能想知道，为什么上次妈妈允许她放学后在操场玩10分钟，而这次让她立即上车。或者是，为什么妈妈昨晚在睡觉时和她躺了10分钟，现在却说不可以。

方法：保持一致——无论是纪律、睡眠习惯还是吃饭时的规矩。

奥尔特曼说，如果在90%的时间里遵守规矩，孩子表现不错，你也没有问题，那么有一两次例外是可以的。

2. Focusing on the negative

2. 关注不良行为

It’s easy to hone in on4hone in on磨练，训练（尤指技艺）。your child’s negative actions—like yelling and screaming—and ignore the good ones.

纠正孩子的不良行为——比如大喊大叫, 但忽略好的行为，这是父母很容易犯的错误。

Altmann says parents tend to focus on what they don’t want their preschoolers to do. “They’ll say, Don’t hit.Don’t throw. Don’t say ‘poopy pants,’”she says.

Fix it: Notice when your child is doing something positive, and reward the good behavior.

The reward for positive actions can be your praise, or it can be giving your child a big hug or kiss. “Those types of things really go a long way5go a long way（对做某事）帮助很大，作用很大。with preschoolers,” Altmann says.

Tell your child, “I like the way you sat quietly and listened,” or “That was good when you were so friendly to the child on the playground.”

奥尔特曼说，父母倾向于关注他们不愿自己学龄前孩子做的事情。“他们会说，不许打。不许扔。不许说‘大便裤’。”奥尔特曼补充道。

方法：留意孩子的良好举动并给予奖励。

对好行为的奖励可以是你的表扬，也可以是一个大大的拥抱或亲吻。“这对学龄前儿童来说很受用。”奥尔特曼说。

告诉孩子，“我喜欢你安静坐着听别人说话”，或者“这么友好地对待操场上的那个孩子，你真是好样的”。

3. Missing the warning signs

3.错过警告信号

Parents often try to reason with children when they’re in the throes of6in the throes of正在做，正忙于（尤指困难或复杂的活动）。a temper tantrum, repeating, “Calm down, calm down.” But that’s like trying to reason with a goldfish, Borba says. “You’ve got power immediately beforehand when you can still distract or anticipate. But once the tantrum is in full force, you’ve lost it. The kid is not hearing you.”

Fix it: Figure out and anticipate what your kid’s natural warning signs are,Borba says. The usual ones are hunger,fatigue, and boredom.

父母经常在孩子气头上和他们讲道理，一直重复说：“要冷静，要冷静。”但是这像是试图和一条金鱼讲道理，波巴说：“当你仍然可以吸引孩子的注意力或预测其行为的时候，你已经预先迅速掌握主动权。但是，一旦孩子的怒火到达顶点，你就失去了掌控权。孩子不会听你的。”

方法：波巴博士说，识别并要预测孩子的天然警告信号。这种信号通常表现为饥饿、疲乏和无聊。

So don’t take your child to the supermarket unless she’s napped or you’ve stashed7stash存放，贮藏。a healthy snack in your purse.

所以，不要带孩子逛超市，除非她已经小睡过或者你的包里放着健康的零食。

4. Encouraging whining

4. 任由孩子哭闹

Does your child’s whining drive you crazy? For instance, does it drive you up the wall8drive up the wall使发狂。when, right before dinnertime while getting ready to preparing food, your child starts crying, “I wanna go to the park,” or “I wanna go play with Riley.”

Borba says parents often give in to these whines, but this only reinforces the attention-getting behavior. Your child will figure out which buttons to push and then push them over and over again.

“This is the age when your children come out of their shells,” she says.“Watch out, because they figure out what works.”

Fix it: Ignore it.

For behavior that isn’t aggressive,like a whine or sulk, you’re better off if you don’t respond to it at all. If you’re consistent, Borba says, your child will think, “Well, that didn’t work.”

孩子的抱怨是不是快把你逼疯了？比如，你在晚饭点前正准备做饭，孩子开始哭闹，“我想去公园”或者“我想和莱利一起玩”，这会不会使你发疯？

波巴称，父母通常屈服于这些抱怨，但这只会加剧这种寻求关注的行为。孩子会找到那些按钮，然后一次又一次地按下这些按钮。

“孩子们在这个年纪刚走出他们的外壳，”她说，“小心点儿，因为他们会发现哪些招数会有用。”

方法：无视它。

对于不具有进攻性的行为，比如，哭闹或生闷气，如果你完全不去理会，日子就好很多了。波巴说，如果你一直不理，你的孩子会想：“噢，这样做是没用的。”

5. Overscheduling your child

5. 把孩子的生活安排得过满

Parents often line up a slew of activities, like dance or music classes. Then they wonder why their child isn’t getting in bed and falling asleep right away after so many activities that must have made her tired.

父母经常给孩子安排许多活动，比如舞蹈课或音乐课。然后，父母就疑惑了——孩子做过这么多的事后，本应疲惫不堪，但为什么还是不肯立即上床睡觉。

The problem, Altmann says, is that they’re still wound up9wound up紧张的，兴奋的。and need time to calm down. Every child needs down time10down time停工，休息。, especially preschoolers, she says. Whether your child is at preschool for two hours or there all day, it can be very exhausting.

Fix it: Don’t overschedule your child or shuttle him from one activity to the next. Give your child time to unwind with free play when he gets home from school.

奥尔特曼说，问题在于，孩子们还很兴奋，需要时间冷静下来。她说，每个孩子都需要休息时间，尤其是学龄前儿童。无论孩子在学前班待了两个小时还是一整天，都可能很疲惫了。

方法：不要把孩子的生活安排得过满，或者使孩子频频往返于各种活动。孩子放学回家后，给他留出时间放松玩耍。

6. Underestimating the importance of play

6. 低估玩耍的重要性

Many parents feel they should sign their children up for enrichment programs to give them an edge. But that’s not really the case.

What’s most enriching at this age,says psychologist Lawrence J. Cohen,author ofPlayful Parenting, is free play. That includes dramatic play (make believe), rough housing, and goofing around.

许多父母认为，他们应该给孩子报名参加各种课程，培养孩子的优势。但是，事实并非如此。

心理学家劳伦斯·J.科恩是《游戏力》的作者，他说这个年纪最充实的活动就是自由游戏，包括戏剧表演（假扮）、打闹、消磨时间。

“Free play is how children’s brains develop best,” he says. “In play, children will naturally give themselves the right amount of challenge—not too easy or too had.”

“自由游戏是让孩子们的大脑发育到最好的方法，”他说，“在游戏中，孩子们很自然地会给自己适量的挑战——不是太容易也不是太困难。”

Fix it: Allow your child time and space for free play. Remember that preschoolers define play as “what you do when you get to choose what to do.”

Free choice—the voluntary aspect of play—is important, Cohen says. “Preschoolers love to vacuum or do housework, but it’s play. It’s not on their chore list. They’ve chosen to do it and they’re just doing it for fun,” he says.

方法：给孩子留出自由游戏的时间和空间。记住，学龄前儿童把游戏定义为“自己主动选择要做的活动”。

科恩称，自由选择，即游戏中的自主性很重要。“学龄前儿童喜欢用吸尘器清扫房间或者做家务，但是这只是游戏。这并不在他们的日常事务列表里。他们主动选择这样做，并且只是为了好玩。”他补充道。

7. Getting distracted by the daily grind

7. 因日常琐事而分心

Your child may play well independently, but that doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t crave your attention. “There’s something children miss out on if parents don’t get on the fl oor and play with them,” Cohen says.

Not only do parents not get down and play, many parents are too easily distracted by their cell phone, email, or other multitasking. “Kids aren’t dumb,”Cohen says. “They know whether we’re really paying attention or not.”

Fix it: Set a timer, be enthusiastic,and stay involved for your designated play period with your child.

“A half an hour of concentrated play where you give your undivided attention and you’re not worried about dinner or work,” Cohen says, “is better than all day when you’re only half paying attention.”

你的孩子也许自己玩得很好，但这并不意味着他不需要你的关注。科恩说，“如果父母不和他们一起玩耍，孩子们就会错过一些东西。”

父母们不仅不坐下来和孩子玩耍，还很容易因电话、邮件或其他琐事而分心。“孩子们不傻，”科恩说，“他们知道我们是否真的在专心游戏。”

方法：设置一个定时器，全身心投入到你与孩子的指定游戏时间。

“拿出半个小时专心游戏，既不分散注意力也不担心晚饭或工作，”科恩说，“比整天心不在焉地玩耍好很多。”

8. Overreacting to lies

8. 对谎言反应过激

Cohen says lying really freaks parents out11freak out（使）强烈反应，震惊。. He urges parents to see the behavior as experimenting rather than as “a moral thing.”

“When children start to lie, it’s a big cognitive advance,” he says. “It’s kind of exciting and a little bit scary. It has an emotional charge. But then parents freak out and have visions of their child in prison, so they get very tense and anxious about it.”

Fix it: Don’t overreact. Know that telling a fi b12fib谎言，（无关紧要的）小谎。or two is a normal part of your child’s development.

And don’t get hung up13hung up 念念不忘的，过分担心的。on the lie itself, Cohen says. For instance, if your little Pinocchio is denying he had anything to do with a spill, you can say matter-of-factly, “You feel bad about that and I understand.”

Effective parenting takes time, patience, and love. It also takes remembering that changes may not happen overnight. But as the old maxim goes,“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” And again. ■

科恩说，父母非常害怕孩子撒谎。他呼吁父母将此种行为看作是尝试而不是“一种道德”问题。

“孩子开始撒谎，其实是一个巨大的认知进步，”他说，“这让他们有点儿兴奋又有点儿害怕。撒谎会有情感代价。但这让父母很害怕，甚至想象自己的孩子会因此坐牢，所以他们对此非常紧张和焦虑。”

方法：不要反应过激。要知道，撒一两个小谎是孩子成长过程中正常的一部分。

科恩说，不要过分纠结于谎言本身。举个例子，如果你的小匹诺曹否认他与洒落的液体有关，你可以实事求是地说：“我知道你很难过，我都明白。”

有效的育儿方式需要投入时间、耐心和关爱。同时也要记住，变化不可能一夜之间就发生。但是正如那句古老的箴言所说，“如果第一次没有成功，试一次，再试一次。”然后再试一次。 □