The Art of Tactful Communication

The Chinese are prone to be reserved when expressing personal views， which is often difficult for foreigners to understand. Instead of saying something is good， they may say it is“not bad，” “just so-so，” or ask “what do you think？” Instead of disapproving of something， they may say they want to “think it over” or that it is “not too good.” More interestingly， if a Chinese person is very straightforward with his views， he will be regarded as unsophisticated or simple-minded， and is sure to be taken advantage of.

The reserved style of speech and behavior of the Chinese can be traced back long into history. Confucianism， centered on courteousness and benevolence， came into maturity as early as the Spring and Autumn Period（770-476 B.C.） and Warring States Period （475-221 B.C.）. On the one hand， it requested that those in power rule the country with their virtues. On the other hand， it requested that the ruled abide by social morality， and “to improve ones self” was the very essence of being a member of the society. Modest and careful people with high moral standard were highly respected.

Throughout history， Confucianism has penetrated into all aspects of the life of Chinese people， and has been strengthened as norms of social value by generations of educated people and philosophers. The large majority of Chinese people believe that one should remain low-key and be reserved when socializing with other people. Thus Chinese people would always follow certain rules of “courteousness” that guide their behaviors. As a result， they are not willing to express themselves or show their emotions in a very frank and straightforward way.

Such cultural preference actually benefits interpersonal exchanges. On the one hand， Chinese people regard others highly and respect others， and position themselves humbly to make it easier to communicate with others. On the other hand， when they are not sure about the views of other people， they avoid embarrassment on both sides by not bluntly expressing their opinions. As one saying goes， “never speak to the fullest extent.”

Why not be straightforward with ones mind？ Shouldnt we be open and frank to one another？ Though the Chinese believe that interacting with others should result in a frank exchange of views， the frankness will take some time to come. During this time， different and appropriate approaches shall be applied， to the end of a smooth process. In the end， tactfulness serves well in interpersonal exchanges.

An appropriate and tactful way to respond to anothers request is “to keep half of what you want to say to yourself.”When the truth of a certain matter is not yet clear， it is better to wait before any decision is made. To show ones attitude in a reserved way will certainly leave oneself with some room to think twice and decide in a cautious manner. Once something is said， it can never be taken back again. When improperly said， the words not only have a negative impact on ones reputation， but also do harm to communications with the other party. Besides， by tactfully responding to questions or requests， one will leave some room to maneuver to both parties. If the request is to be straightforwardly refused， this may upset the other party and hinder effective interpersonal communications.

In addition， by ones not being fully outspoken， the other party may feel it is still hopeful to have something accomplished， given more time or effort. Yet that doesnt mean one should always do so. Some things may take a long time to develop and as long as the specifics are not yet known， it is impossible to make judgment. What is needed is not blunt behavior and irresponsible decision， but rather careful observation and consideration.

When facing difficult situations， an experienced person will respond with a few humorous words， such as a joke or a fable， instead of giving a direct answer. He or she will leave enough room for the other party to think things over. This way of responding is an example of“keeping half of what you want to say to yourself.”