当妈妈就要放弃事业吗？

晨尘 马玉芳

The morning of my daughters first school play I had an appointment1. It was a meeting with a prospective client about a contract that would potentially pay the mortgage for three months.2

I went to the play， getting a seat in the front row. I even brought my mum along in case it overran3. But， not wanting to be late for my appointment， I crept to the back just before the end so I could make a quick getaway.4 My daughter， who was just three at the time， noticed my empty seat and started to cry.

Cue commotion from the other mothers.5 Where had I gone？ From my vantage point just outside the doorway， I heard one say loudly and disapprovingly：6 “Shes gone to work.” I watched as some of the others tutted7 and rolled their eyes.

My stomach went cold. Was it really so terrible to have a career and be a mum？ I was reminded of this when I learned I was going to be travelling overseas for work twice next month. The timing could be better but as a self-employed writer and PR coach I have to take opportunities when they come along.8

But pretty much9 every time I travel abroad for work， I end up having conversations like this：

Female friend： “But dont you feel guilty about leaving your daughter？”

Me： “Not really. Ill miss her lot， but shell be with her dad. I suspect theyll enjoy a bit of quality time together， cooking dinners and watching films I dont like.”10

Female friend： “Youre very brave. I dont think I could leave mine.”

I expect to hear variations of such comments numerous times over the coming weeks.11 I share this because it troubles me that at a time when more mothers are working outside the home （which is a good thing， right？） there seems to be a widespread belief that there should be constraints around the way they work.12

Its OK for a mum to have a job—as long as its part-time， fits around the school run or means she doesnt have to leave the school play early or fly to the other side of the world now and again to earn a crust.13 Its a belief that seems particularly worrying when you consider that， according to the IPPR， a third of Britains working mothers are the main earners in their family （and “low earners” to boot）.14

It also worries me that women are dishing out15 judgment on other women. Im only speaking from my own experience， but Ive not been questioned by a single man about my decision to work abroad a few times a year. “Lucky you！ Send us a postcard，” is the typical response.

Yet during the decade Ive been a working mum Ive received numerous critical16 comments from women about my work choices. There is the friend （whose husband earns a six-figure salary） who said she was sorry if I was offended but she could never leave her baby with a childminder like I did， the relative who said the nursery Id carefully chosen was “like a Romanian orphanage”； and the friend who said I needed to be “less selfish” and put my career aspirations on hold while my daughter was small.17

I think running my own business and travelling with my work when I can （while still taking my daughter to school most days and making pretty much every show or event） is setting a good example for my daughter. It shows her that it is possible to succeed at a time when women in many professions find it harder than men to reach the top and get less pay （latest research from the Fawcett Society18 shows that men in full-time work earn around 14% more than women）.

But I often feel Im in the minority19. Do the women who roll their eyes at other women who leave the school play early or show up late to parents evening because their meetings overran really believe females should only be in part-time， flexible20 work that fits around their children？ That your career has to end—or run on half-speed—the minute you decide to have children？ Or that women dont have what it takes to combine a career with parenting21？

Until women are prepared to support each others career decisions gender pay gaps and glass ceilings will always be part of the conversation about women and work.22

不论在纽约巴黎，还是北京上海，或是任何一个地方，职场妈妈们所面对的困惑并没有区别。尤其是当孩子还小，需要呵护照料的时候，许多女性放弃职场选择归家；也有人认为女性可以有工作，但工作不能太忙，位置也不能太高……难道做了妈妈就要放弃事业吗？

1. appointment： 任务。

2. 任务是跟一个潜在客户会面洽谈一份合同，一旦谈成，接下来三个月的房贷都有可能解决了。prospective： 可能的；client： 客户；potentially： 可能地；mortgage： 房屋抵押贷款。

3. overrun： 超时。

4. creep： 悄悄地缓慢行进；getaway： 逃走。

5. cue： 提示；commotion： 骚动。

6. vantage point： 有利位置；doorway： 门口；disapprovingly： 不赞成地。

7. tut： 发出啧啧声。

8. timing： 时机；self-employed： 自雇的，个体的；PR： public relations，公关。

9. pretty much： 几乎。

10. suspect： 猜想；quality time： （用于全心照顾某人，尤指与孩子一起度过的）宝贵时光。

11. variation： 变化，变体；numerous： 很多的。

12. 我之所以分享这些是因为我感到困扰，当越来越多的妈妈出去工作（这是件好事，对吗？）时，人们好像普遍认为她们的工作方式应该受到限制。constraint： 约束。

13. school run： 上学交通高峰期；now and again： 不时地；earn a crust： 挣钱糊口。

14. IPPR： Institute for Public Policy Research，英国公共政策研究所；to boot： 此外，而且。

15. dish out： 给予（批评或惩罚）。

16. critical： 批评的。

17. 有个朋友（老公挣着六位数的薪水）说如果她的话冒犯了我的话，她感到抱歉，但她绝不会像我一样把孩子交给保姆而不顾；有个亲戚说我精心挑选的托儿所“像罗马尼亚的孤儿院”；还有一个朋友说我应该少一点自私，在女儿小的时候应该搁置自己的职业抱负。childminder： 代人照看孩子者；nursery： 托儿所；Romanian： 罗马尼亚的；orphanage： 孤儿院；put sth. on hold： 把……搁置；aspiration： 志向。

18. Fawcett Society： 福西特协会，英国女性平权组织。

19. minority： 少数。

20. flexible： 灵活的，有弹性的。

21. parenting： 抚养孩子。

22. 在女性们准备好支持彼此参加工作的决定之前，男女收入差距和女性的晋升障碍会一直是女性与工作这个话题的一部分。gender pay gap： 男女收入差距；glass ceiling：（尤指妇女、少数族裔成员事业上的）无形的晋升障碍。