冰男（下）

文村上春树　译Richard L. Peterson　绘也圆



冰男（下）

文村上春树译Richard L. Peterson绘也圆

Five days before we were supposed to leave， I got up my nerve and said， "Let's forget about going to the South Pole. When I think about it now， I realize that it's going to be terribly cold there，and it might not be good for our health. I'm starting to think that it might be better for us to go someplace more ordinary. How about Europe？ Let's go have a real vacation in Spain. We can drink wine， eat paella， and see a bullfight or something."

But we've got a fur coat and furlined boots for you. We can't let all that go to waste. Now that we've come this far， we can't not go."

The truth is that I was scared. I had a premonition that if we went to the South Pole something would happen to us that we might not be able to undo. I was having this bad dream over and over again. It was always the same. I'd be out taking a walk and I'd fall into a deep crevasse that had opened up in the ground. Nobody would find me， and I'd freeze down there. Shut up inside the ice， I'd stare up at the sky. I'd be conscious， but I wouldn't be able to move， not even a finger. I'd realize that moment by moment I was becoming the past. I was a scene moving backward， away from them.

Then I'd wake up and find the ice man sleeping beside me. He always slept without breathing， like a dead man.

But I loved the ice man. I cried， and my tears dripped onto his cheek and he woke up and held me in his arms. "I had a bad dream，" I told him.

"It was only a dream，" he said. "Dreams come from the past， not the future. You aren't bound①bound 英 ［baʊnd］ 美 ［baʊnd］ adj. 有义务的；受约束的；装有封面的 vt. 束缚；使跳跃n. 范围；跳跃 vi. 限制；弹起by them. The dreams are bound by you. Do you understand that？"

"Yes，" I said， though I wasn't convinced.

I couldn't find a good reason to cancel the trip， so in the end my husband and I boarded a plane for the South Pole. The stewardesses②stewardesses ［劳经］ 女服务员were all taciturn③taciturn英 ［'tæsɪtɜːn］ 美 ［'tæsɪtɝn］ adj. 沉默寡言的；无言的，不太说话的. I felt none of the excitement of heading off on a vacation. I was just going through the motions and doing things that had already been decided on.

The South Pole was lonely beyond anything I had expected. Almost no one lived there. There was just one small， featureless town， and in that town there was one hotel， which was， of course，also small and featureless.

My husband， though， walked enthusiastically from place to place as if he couldn't get enough of it. He learned the local language quickly， and spoke with the townspeople in a voice that had the hard rumble④rumble 英［'rʌmb（ə）l］ 美［'rʌmbl］ vt. 使隆隆响；低沉地说 vi.隆隆作响 n. 隆隆声；抱怨声of an avalanche. He conversed with them for hours with a serious expression on his face， but I had no way of knowing what they were talking about. I felt as though my husband had betrayed me and left me to care for myself.

There， in that wordlessworld surrounded by thick ice， I eventually lost all my strength. Bit by bit， bit by bit. In the end，I didn't even have the energy to feel irritated⑤irritate 英［'ɪrɪteɪt］ 美［'ɪrɪtet］ vt. 刺激，使兴奋；激怒 vi.引起恼怒，引起不愉快anymore. It was as though I had lost the compass of my emotions somewhere. I had lost track of where I was heading，I had lost track of time， and I had lost all sense of my own self.

"Winter has come，" my husband said. "It's going to be a very long winter， and there will be no more planes， or ships， either. Everything has frozen over. It looks as though we'll have to stay here until next spring."

About three months after we arrived at the South Pole， I realized that I was pregnant. The child that I gave birth to would be a little ice man-I knew this. My womb⑥womb 英 ［wuːm］ 美［wum］ n.［解剖］ 子宫；发源地had frozen over， and my amniotic⑦amniotic 英 ［æmnɪ'ɒtɪk］ 美 ［,æmnɪ'otɪk］ adj.［昆］ 羊膜的fluid was slush. I could feel its chill inside me. My child would be just like his father， with eyes like icicles and frost-rimed fingers. And our new family would never again set foot outside the South Pole. The eternal past， heavy beyond all comprehension， had us in its grasp. We would never shake it off.

Now there's almost no heart left in me. My warmth has gone very far away. Sometimes I forget that warmth ever existed. In this place， I am lonelier than anyone else in the world. When I cry， the ice man kisses my cheek， and my tears turn to ice. He takes those frozen teardrops in his hand and puts them on his tongue. "See how I love you，" he says. He is telling the truth. But a wind sweeping in from nowhere blows his white words back and back into the past.

在预定启程的五天前，我定了定心神说道，“我们把去南极的事忘了吧。我现在想想，反应过来那里太冷，可能不利于我们的身体健康。我开始想可能要去一些更平常的地方。欧洲如何？我们去西班牙好好玩一玩。我们可以喝葡萄酒，吃海鲜饭，看斗牛表演什么的。”

但是我们已经买了毛皮大衣，毛皮棉鞋。我们不能让那些都浪费掉。现在事已至此，我们不能不去。”

我真的觉得惊讶。我有一种预感，如果我们去了南极，就会发生什么可能无可挽回的事情。我一次又一次地做着这样的恶梦。每次都是一样。我出去散步，掉到一个大地张开的深深的裂缝里。没有人会发现我，我被冻住在那里。被冰封在那里，我向上盯着天空。我神志清醒，但是我动不了，连手指也不能动。我意识到时间一刻接一刻地将我变成过去。我是正在向后退去的景象，远离他们。

然后我醒来发现冰男睡在我旁边。他睡觉总是没有呼吸，像死人一样。

但我爱冰男。我哭泣，眼泪掉落在他的脸颊上，他醒了把我揽入怀中。“我做了的可怕的梦，”我告诉他。

“那不过是个梦，”他说。“梦来自过去，不是未来。你被他们困住了。那些梦把你困住了。你明白吗？”

“是的，”我说，尽管我并不确信。

我找不到一个好的理由取消这次旅行，所以最后我丈夫和我登上了飞往南极的飞机。我丝毫没有感觉到去度假的兴奋。我只是在执行任务或者做着早已决定的事情。

南极比我想象的任何地方都要荒凉。几乎没有人住在那里。只有一个不具特色的小镇，镇上只有一个旅店，当然是同样的小而不具特色。

而我丈夫热切地到处游走，像是毫不厌倦。他很快学会了当地的方言，和镇上的人说话，带着雪崩一样的硬硬的低沉的语音。他表情严肃地和他们交谈上几个小时，但我无法了解他们在谈些什么。我感觉我丈夫抛弃了我，让我自己照管自己。

在那，在被冰包围的无声世界里，我终于失去了我全部的气力。一点一点地，一点一点地。最后，我甚至失去了感觉躁动的能量。好像我在哪里丢掉了情感的指南针。我失去前行的目标，失去了时间的轨迹，失去了自己全部的感知能力。

“冬天来了，”我丈夫说。“冬天会非常漫长，不再会有飞机或者船只。一切都冻住了。看样子我们得在这里待到春天。”

我们来到南极三个月以后，我发现自己怀孕了。我要生下的孩子会是个冰人——我知道。我的子宫已经冻住了，我的羊水凝结。我可以感到它在里面颤抖。我孩子将会像他父亲一样，像冰锥一样的眼神，结霜的指尖儿。我的新家庭将不可能再走出南极一步。那永恒的过去，沉重得无法理解，抓住了我们。我们将永远不能挣脱。

现在我的心几近荡然无存。我的热度消失得远远的。有时我记不得那热度是否曾经存在过。在这个地方，我比世界上任何人都孤独。当我哭泣，冰男亲吻我的脸颊，我的眼泪结成冰。他拿起那些结成冰的泪滴放到他的舌头上。“看我有多爱你，”他说。他是真诚的。但是不知从哪里来的风将那些白色的词语吹了回去，吹回到过去。

Ice Man