陌生人，我想和你说会话，怎么办

文/Mike Xie 译/丁礼元 绘/也圆



陌生人，我想和你说会话，怎么办

文/Mike Xie 译/丁礼元 绘/也圆

All I could manage to do is ask "how are you， how are things？" which makes things awkward. Please help. I want to improve my networking skills. When I talk to a stranger it feels uncomfortable and anxious. Does this happens with you too？ Please suggest some ways to overcome this， to have a good network.

Don't be afraid to be curious.

And especially don't be afraid to tread off the beaten path.

When you meet people face to face， you get so much partial information just from looking at them and assessing①assess ［ə'ses］ vt.对（财产、收入等）进行估价（作为征税根据），（为征税）估定（财产）的价值，估定（收入）的金额，评估，把……定值：The lawyers assessed the property at $35，000。律师们估计这笔财产价值35 000美元。them in the first 5 to 10 seconds.

So instead of asking generic questions and most likely getting generic responses because most people aren't in love with their job or where they live or where they went to school， why not ask them something contextually②contextual 英 ［kɒn'tekstjʊəl］ 美 ［kən'tɛkstʃuəl］ adj. 上下文的；前后关系的Use any contextual clues available to you to begin to understand what you hear.利用任何能找到的上下文的线索来理解你所听到的。sensitive that actually interests you right then and there？ That's what children do. They don't think too hard. They just chase whatever butterfly catches their interest.

For example， I went to my friend's apartment to hang out， and I met his roommate. Out of habit of course I asked him what he did， and he said he programmed at Google.

Ok. Cool. But I don't particularly care. I can ask him about that anytime. Also I already knew a couple of engineers at Google.

However， in his room he had dozens of posters of anime girls.

The first lesson about asking interesting questions young padawan： don't make any assumptions③assumption 英 ［ə'sʌm（p）ʃ（ə）n］ 美 ［ə'sʌmpʃən］ n. 假定；设想；担任；采取He based his assumption of her guilt on the fact that she had no alibi.他以她不在犯罪现场的事实为根据做出她犯罪的假定。and make them as open as possible.

Questions I could have asked：

Do you like anime？ （This is bad because the answer space is yes/no which kind of backfires and starts awkwardly if the answer is no or not really.）

Where do you get all of these？ （I don't particularly care where， honestly.）

Personally I like stories. And most people do too. So I asked him.

What's the story behind all of these posters？（Because when you ask people to tell a story， i.e. their interpretation of a sequence of events， it reveals a lot about their personality， outlook， level of optimism/ pessimism/etc.）

And he said， well， my mother sends me one of these every month saying that she found me a girlfriend. And he said this with a rueful④rueful 英 ［'ruːfʊl; -f（ə）l］ 美 ［'ruf］ adj. 可怜的；悲伤的；悔恨的The message has an emotional tone that is authentically sad/fearful/angry and at the same time， is by marked by a rueful calm， by gentleness， and by courage.这里边有一种真正悲哀/恐惧/愤怒的情绪化腔调，与此同时又带有悔恨的平静、温顺和勇气。smile in a half joking tone. Slowly shaking his head back and forth.

And now I don't care who you are， but this is a way more interesting start than asking about the bikes at Google. The conversation that followed was of course extremely memorable.

EDIT： I thought it would be fun（ny） to help this guy get a girlfriend. Also I help people out. It's what I do. Let me know if you'd like to help in any way.

提问人：我能想到的就是：你好吗？一切顺利吗？总是很别扭。请大家帮忙。如何提高我的社交能力？当我和陌生人讲话的时候，总是很不舒服，显得很着急。你有没有同样的问题？给我点建议好吗？

多一点好奇心不是坏事！

即使你们的话题跑偏了。

当你和人面对面的时候，你就这么和他/她对视 5 到10 秒钟，就能找到很多话题。

所以，并不需要问一些既定的问题，因为那样你就只能得到意料之中的答案。大多数人不喜欢他们的工作，或者他们住的地方，他们去的学校。那何不把对话导向你当下最感兴趣的话题呢？这正是小孩子经常做的事，我们就是想太多了，他们就像捉蝴蝶一样提问，好奇心飞到哪里，他们就问什么问题。

比如：我去我朋友的公寓玩，遇到了他的室友。我出于惯性地问他做什么工作。他说，在谷歌当程序员。

很 Cool 啊！其实我不是很在意这个。我可以随时都问他这些，毕竟我认识一些在谷歌工作的工程师。

有趣的是，在他的房间，我看到很多动漫女生的海报。

小朋友们，下面是如何问有趣的问题第一课：不要想得太复杂，开门见山地问吧。

我问了这些问题：你喜欢动漫吗？（这不是个好问题，因为得到的回答只能是，爱或者不爱，有点危险，而且万一对方说不爱，那就画上句号了……）

你是怎么弄到那么多海报的？（其实我也不是很在意这个答案。）

我个人很喜欢听故事，我想大多数人一样吧！所以我这么问：

这张海报的动漫是讲什么的？（因为当你请一个人讲故事的话，他讲故事的逻辑和方式会展现这个人的品性，眼光，或者乐观/悲观的心态等等）

他说，我妈每个月都给我送一张，她总说「我又给你找了个女朋友」，带着戏谑的语气，苦笑，无奈地摇头。

现在，我不会在意他是谁，他做什么工作。这个话题远比问他谷歌的单车有意思，而且超有记忆点。

PS：我当时觉得，帮这个人找个女朋友会很好玩。另外我喜欢帮助别人，这是我的工作。如果你有问题，告诉我！

How Can I Start a Conversation with a Stranger