You’ve got questions, she’s got answers

(but you probably wont like them)

The robots are coming! They beat us in Go! Whats next?

Mr. Roboto

Dont pretend you are not already a  奴隶 (n%l#, slave)

to the machine with all the time you spend on your smartphone. When they come, and they definitely will, you will be all too happy to be a 叛徒 (p3nt%, traitor). What is the human experience in the face of 无限的 (w%xi3n de, unlimited) information on your phone? If you valued humans at all, the 无线密码(w%xi3n m#m2, wifi password)  wouldnt be the first thing you asked for every time you went out to dinner. Some foolish people say we could just cut the power to the computers to stop them from taking over. Please, the first to die would be the selfie addicts.

My boyfriend hasnt been hanging out with me lately. He says hes busy with work. Should I believe him?

Daisy Dai

Were you born yesterday? You 愚蠢的 (y%ch^n de, dumb)woman! Hes clearly having a 外遇(w3iy&, affair). Work cant be that 吸引人 (x~y@nr9n, attractive). Do you know anyone who wants to spend a second more than they have to in the office? Believe him? 痴人说梦 (ch~r9n shu4m-ng, idiots daydream)! Check his phone. Interrogate him! Is that what you want to hear from me? Im so tired of all the letters from 猜疑的(c`iy! de, suspicious) wives and girlfriends. Just break up for my sake!

I hate when my roommate goes through my things without my permission! Any advice?                                    

Peters Privacy

Your poor soul has been 毒害 (d%h3i, poisoned) by capitalistic thought! Your things? Private ownership is the origin of all 麻煩 (m1fan, trouble), or so I was taught when I was young. Your roommate clearly excels at having communal spirit. He understands that 你的就是我的 (n@ de ji&sh# w6 de, yours is mine). Why not join him in sharing: use his toothbrush, wear his shoes, look through his stuff to get to know him better. I am sure you will be good 同志(t5ngzh#, comrades) in no time.

Got questions for our Agony Ayi? Send them to agonyayi@theworldofchinese.com