The Myth of the Well—rounded Girl“完美”女孩的烦恼

Alicia， 15， is a straight-A student who is involved at school and in her community. She's a Girl Scout， plays field hockey and does extracurriculars like the jewelry club， student government and so on. But if you ask this overachiever about her talents， you'll get a blank2） stare.

"I don't even know anymore，" she confesses. "People say I'm really good with little kids and at writing and I am really smart， but lately I don't know."

Like many girls， Alicia feels like she has to pull in amazing grades to get into a top college and have an incredible future. But her desire to succeed comes with a serious side of stress.

"All this pressure makes me feel like I can't have a life，" she tells us. "Everything needs to be perfect."

The culture of perfectionism is a serious problem， especially among teen girls. It's not surprising， then， that this all-or-nothing3） attitude makes it hard for girls to cope when things get bumpy4） （as life inevitably does） and leads to issues such as depression， anxiety and even suicidal thoughts and self-harm.

"If perfection is the only thing that's good enough， you have no resources5） or resilience6） when you get results that are less than the best，" says psychologist Dr. Lucie Hemmen， who works with teens. "If you want to be successful， you want to be real， not perfect."

Working hard in class and being active after school are key for developing a wide variety of skills. But buckling down7） every second of the day isn't always the route to happiness now， or to a shining career down the road.

15岁的艾丽西亚是一名全优生，在学校和社区都参与活动。她是女童子军的一员，打曲棍球，还参加很多课外活动，如珠宝俱乐部、学生自治会等。 但是，若你去问这位特优生她有何天赋，她只会茫然地看着你。

“我一点都不清楚，”她坦白地说，“人们说我确实很擅长跟小孩打交道，文章也写得很好，还说我真的很聪明，但近来我真的不知道了。”

和许多女孩一样，艾丽西亚认为自己必须考出惊人的高分，好让自己能够进入顶尖大学，拥有大好前程。但是，她对成功的渴望却总是伴随着沉重的压力。

“所有这些压力让我觉得无法拥有自己的生活，”她告诉我们，“每件事都需要尽善尽美。”

完美主义文化是一个很严重的问题，尤其是在十几岁的女孩当中。如此说来，这种“要么不做，要做就要做好”的态度使女孩们难以应对生活中的磕磕绊绊（生活难免如此），而且还会导致出现某些问题，如沮丧、焦虑，甚至自杀的念头和自残倾向等，这也就不足为奇了。

“如果只有完美才是足够好的，那么当你得到的结果并非最佳结果时，你既无法应对困难，也缺乏适应能力，” 从事青少年研究的心理学家露西·赫门博士说，“如果你想成功，就要变得真实，而不是追求完美。”

努力学习课内知识并积极参与课外活动是培养多种才艺的关键。但是，每天的每一分每一秒都全力以赴并不一定能为现在的生活带来幸福，也不一定是通往辉煌职场生涯的坦途。

In a survey of hundreds of Girl's Life girls， more than half said they feel as though they have to succeed at everything， from school to sports to fitting in the right-size jeans to having a BF. But the desire to be well-rounded is trapping girls in a cycle in which they're frazzled8）， feeling unsure of themselves and missing out on new opportunities.

While it's one thing to be successful and well-rounded now to prep yourself for life post-high school， becoming too focused on your future can lead you down a slippery slope9） to Stress Town. Yet many girls already have a specific college on the brain before they even begin freshman year.

Think about it： if you're pushing yourself over the edge10） in order to keep up with meetings and practices and being utterly flawless in every class， you may lose sight of why you're doing any of it at all. Not only that， the all-aces-or-bust mentality can actually keep you from going after your true passions.

Let's say your school is offering a new class this year in a subject you're interested in， like computer coding or graphic design. Do you sign up or go with what you know， the course where you're guaranteed to take home an A？

Girls who are obsessed with success tend to take the safer track， sticking with what they know in order to nab11） that tried 'n' true12） gold-star outcome. But studies show that kids who challenge themselves tend to be happier and feel more confident than kids who tackle a task they've already mastered. It's about feeling empowered to take the right risks and test yourself—even if it might lead to a belly-flop13）.

Dr. Hemmen has seen this happen with her own daughter， who was once a volleyball all-star. But the sport wasn't her passion， so she quit， giving her more time for homework and relaxing. She soon picked up an after-school job， began cooking and doing art. She now even takes a nap every once in a while. The outcome？ She's never been happier.

But in our 100-miles-per-hour lives， even slowing down can feel like a failure in and of itself14）.

"If you're not busy， you're losing precious time to build up your college application and you're falling behind the ones who participate in more activities，" says Isabelle， 16.

This fear of "falling behind" can lead girls to take drastic15） measures to keep up. Those we surveyed mentioned everything from skipping sleep to popping pills not prescribed to them， which is crazy dangerous.

7. buckle down： 开始认真做

8. frazzled [?fr?zld] adj. <口>精疲力竭的，疲惫不堪的

9. slippery slope： 导致最终失败的行为

10. push sb. over the edge： （不愉快的事情）使某人发狂

11. nab [n?b] vt. 抓住；逮捕

12. tried 'n' true： （= try and true）经试验证明是值得（或可靠）的

13. belly-flop： 胸腹先着水的笨拙跳水姿势。这里指“摔跤”。

14. in and of itself： 仅仅考虑其本身

15. drastic [?dr?st?k] adj. 极端的

16. stance [st?ns] n. （对某事的）态度；立场

17. at the end of the day： 最终；到头来

18. fabulous [?f?bj?l?s] adj. 极好的；绝妙的

19. fall off： 减少

20. laundry list： 列出的一长串项目的清单

在《女孩生活》杂志对数百位女性读者进行的调查中，半数以上的女孩觉得自己好像必须做到事事成功，从学习到运动，到穿上正常尺码的牛仔裤，再到交男朋友。但对全面发展的渴望却令女孩们陷入一个怪圈——她们为此疲惫不堪，丧失自信，错失新的机遇。

用自己目前的成功和全面发展来为高中毕业后的生活做准备只是一方面，与此相对的是，过于专注未来也会导致自己滑向压力的深渊。但有很多女孩甚至在开始读高一之前就已经明确了心仪的大学。

试想一下：如果你为了不耽误各种聚会，赶上各种实践活动，还要在每门课上都表现得完美无缺，从而把自己逼到发狂，那么你可能根本看不到自己做这些事情是图什么。不仅如此，全优至上的心态实际上会阻碍你追求自己真正热爱的东西。

假设你的学校今年要开设一门有关某个科目的新课程，如计算机编程或平面设计，你对这个科目很感兴趣。你会报名参加这个课程呢，还是会报名参加知道自己肯定能得A的课程？

对成功痴迷的女孩们倾向于选择更安全的路径，死守着她们已经学会的知识，以获得那些屡试不爽的好成绩。但是研究表明，敢于挑战自己的孩子比选择完成自己早已会做的任务的孩子更快乐，更自信。这是因为适当的冒险和自我考验可以赋予自己力量，即使那可能会导致失败。

赫门博士见证了自己女儿身上发生的这种变化：她曾是一个排球队的明星运动员，但她并不热爱这项运动，于是她退出了球队，让自己有更多的时间来完成作业和休闲放松。她很快就找到了一份课余兼职，并开始玩烹饪，还搞起了艺术。她现在甚至时不时还能小睡片刻。结果是什么呢？她从来没有如此快乐过。

但是，在我们以时速100英里前进的生活中，仅仅考虑到减速本身都会让人感到自己是失败的。

“你如果不让自己忙碌起来，就会失去宝贵的时间去丰富你的大学申请书，就会被那些参加更多活动的人甩在身后了。”16岁的伊莎贝尔说。

这种害怕“落后”的思想会让女孩们采取极端的方式跟上他人的步伐。参与我们调查的那些女孩们提到了方方面面的极端措施，从晚上不睡觉到自行服用处方药，这些都是极其危险的。

Surprisingly， about a quarter of Girl Life readers surveyed said their friends were also a major source of pressure， which means teens are feeling frazzled to impress their BFFs or to keep up with the stressed-out masses in their classes. Our stance16）？ Not worth it. Instead， find out what might make you happy and successful in the long run. At the end of the day17）， it's not the opinion of your friends or pressure from your family that's going to make your future fabulous18）. It's all about being your best self， in your own way.

The way we see it， there's nothing wrong with narrowing your focus to discover your interests and strengths. Yes， a couple of items may fall off19） the long college application laundry list20）， but we bet you'll be happier—and shine like the star you truly are.

出人意料的是，参与《女孩生活》杂志调查的读者中大约有四分之一说，她们的朋友也是压力的一大来源，这意味着青少年正疲于给自己的好友留下好印象，或正疲于追赶自己班级里那大批倍感压力的人。我们对此怎么看呢？这样做不值得。相反，要去找到从长远来看可能让你感到快乐和成功的事情。到头来，朋友的看法或家人的施压并不能许给你一个美好的未来，而是要以你自己的方式做最棒的自己。

我们认为，缩小你的关注点来发现自己的兴趣和特长并没有错。是的，也许会从大学申请需做的一长串事项中划掉某些条目，但我们相信你将会更快乐，真实的自我也会像星星一样闪耀。