A Traffic Accident

姜经志 男，中学英语高级教师、安徽省骨干教师、淮北市优秀教师、中国外语学习研究会会员、《中学生英语》特约编委、《学英语》和《英语周报》特约编辑。多年来，在省级以上报刊发表文章800余篇，并有多篇论文获奖;曾主编《初中生英语满分作文大全》、《英语奥林匹克》、《新目标英语八年级暑假作业》，参编《高中英语知识点反馈与阅读》、《初中英语题典大全》、《21世纪英语学习指南》等;多次辅导学生在国家和省级英语竞赛中获奖。

A Traffic Accident

One afternoon， on my way to home①， I saw an accident： a car knocked an old man down.

I shouted to the passers-by for help. When the car driver saw this， he was afraid and he quickly closed his window and drives② away. “What shall I do？ The old man needs help，” I thought.

At that time， a truck stopped and the driver came out. “Whats wrong with the old man， boy？ What can I do for him？” the driver asked me. “Uncle， please help the old man. A car hit him and he is badly injured！” I said. “Well， dont worry. Let me take him to a hospital，” the driver said.

A few minutes after③， the driver took the old man to a hospital and I telephoned the police station. I told the police whole the story④ and the number of the car. The policemen said to me， “Well done， boy！Leave it to

us. That car driver will be punished！” Then I went to the hospital to see the old man.

When I got home， it was 7：30. Though I was a little tired， but⑤ I felt very happy.

安徽省濉溪县四铺中心学校   胡安楠

1. 优点：

作者以简洁的笔法记叙了放学回家的路上亲历的一次交通事故。习作遵循了记叙文的写作要求，点明了故事发生的时间、地点、人物、经过和结果。短文的语言规范、表达准确，体现出作者扎实的语言基本功。

2. 需要修改的地方：

① 改为on my way home。on my way home意为“在回家的路上”，home 在这里是副词，前面不能加介词to。

② 改为drove。根据上下文，此处应用一般过去时。drive的过去式为drove。

③ 改为later。在一般过去时的句子中，表示在一段时间以后，应用later。

④ 改为the whole story或all the story。whole 应放在定冠词the之后，all应放在定冠词the之前。

⑤ 去掉but。汉语的“虽然……但是……”翻译成英语时，用了though就不能用but;同样，用了but就不能用though。

3. 评分：

按中考英语作文满分20分的标准，本文修改前可得17分。