闲聊的艺术

网络时代，随着面对面交流的减少，人们也忽略了闲聊对人际关系的重要作用。如何做一个善于闲聊的人呢？让我们向专家讨教一下闲聊的学问吧。

You are an intelligent and articulate person. You have no problem giving a clear presentation， delivering an eloquent speech or participating in a debate. You strive for meaningful conversations and have no patience for small talk. “The weather is nice， isnt it？” Really， who cares？

Although seemingly trivial and superficial， small talk is the starting point of all relationships. Romances and friendships begin with small talk. In a more pragmatic light， you cant avoid it. Getting a job， working with colleagues， winning new clients—all of it requires small talk.

Americans call it the “Gift of Gab”. Want to be successful？ Youd better acquire this gift.

An article on the Forbes website lists a few reasons why small talk is so important for ones career. Not only does small talk make us more likeable； in ones career， small talk is also a “free option”.

It can lead to a host of outcomes， from a merely pleasant exchange to the signing of a multimillion dollar business deal， says the article.

In a time where a big part of our lives has moved online， the art of small talk is elusive and mysterious. The awkward experience of feeling like a total outsider at a social function， such as a event or a dinner party， is shared by many of us.

But dont worry， says Elizabeth Bernstein， a relationship columnist at The Wall Street Journal， you can learn to develop your conversational intelligence.

First of all， remember small talk is not about communicating， its about connecting. Bernstein advises to focus on the other person.

Bad small talkers tend to dominate the conversation. They spend too much time on their favorite topic， whether it's football or how clever their kids are.

They think they are being social because they are talking. But they are talking to somebody， not with someone. Such people often give the impression of being self-centered and inconsiderate.

你聪明机灵，口齿伶俐。给出清晰的报告、发表滔滔不绝的演讲、参加辩论，你无所不能。你在这些有意义的语言会话上花费心思，却对闲聊嗤之以鼻。“今天天气不错，是吧？”说实在的，谁关心呢？

虽然看似琐碎肤浅，但闲聊却是建立一切关系的切入点。爱情和友谊都始于闲聊。更实际一点考虑的话，你不可能避免闲聊。求职、与同事共事、攻下新客户，这些都离不开闲聊。

美国人称之为“能说会道”。你想成功吗？那么你最好具备这项口才。

为了说明闲聊对于个人事业的重要性，《福布斯》网站上的一篇文章给出了一系列解释。闲聊不仅能让我们更讨人喜欢，对于个人事业而言，闲聊也是一种“免费期权”。

文章中指出，闲聊能产生一系列的效果，有时不仅仅是一场愉快的交流，甚至还可以达成数百万美元的交易。

在这个生活逐步网络化的时代，闲聊的艺术不可思议又难以捉摸。我们中的很多人都曾有过在活动、宴会等社交场合中化身“局外人”的尴尬经历。

但是别担心，《华尔街日报》两性关系专栏作家伊丽莎白·伯恩斯坦表示，你可以学会去开发自己的口才。

首先，要记住闲聊并不是为了沟通交流，而是与对方建立联系。伯恩斯坦建议应该去关注对方。

不擅长闲聊的人往往想要在谈话中占据主动。他们花费过多的时间来谈论喜欢的话题，无论是讨论足球还是夸奖他们的孩子有多么聪颖过人。

他们认为滔滔不绝就代表善于交际。但是他们说话的对象是些重要人物，而并非普通人。这样的人通常会给人留下以自我为中心、不替他人着想的印象。