无需谎言

By Patty Dann

One April evening， when I came home from teaching， the refrigerator door was wide open， and my husband was sitting at his desk staring at the pen in his hand.

My husband， who spoke six languages and was so 1）meticulous that I called him Dr. 2）Footnote， said very slowly， “I know what this does， but I dont know the name for it.”

When we learned that Willem had 3）glioblastoma， the worst kind of brain cancer， I immediately called our 4）pediatrician. “I was just told my husband is going to die. My son is three-and-a-half years old. I dont know how to tell him—what words to use.”

四月的一个晚上，当我结束教学回到家，发现冰箱的门是敞开的，而我的丈夫则坐在桌前盯着他手中的笔。

我的丈夫能说六种语言，他为人处事十分谨慎，所以我叫他脚注博士，他慢悠悠地说，“我知道这是干什么用的，但我不知道它的名字。”

当我们得知威廉患有胶质母细胞瘤，也就是脑癌中最严重的一种，我立刻打电话给我们的儿科医生说，“我刚得知我的丈夫没多少日子了，而我儿子只有三岁半，我不知道该怎么告诉他这件事。”

“Call Sallie Sanborn，” he said. “I worked with her at 5）Bellevue. She knows this stuff.”

The next wild year， Sallie guided us through a new chapter of our lives， a simple one of a family being tapped by the 6）Grim Reaper.

Sallie said， “One： name the disease. Tell the truth about the 7）prognosis. Two： reassure the children that they didnt cause it. Three： tell them everything the doctors are doing to help. Four： dont hide anything.”

After growing up on the wisdom “Dont tell the children” when anything bad happened， I now believe in the importance of telling them.

One day， early in Willems treatment， a cheerful visiting nurse named Glenn arrived at the house just as I was trying to get our son， Jake， to bed. When Glenn took out a 8）syringe， I held up my hand to stop him， and practically threw Jake into his bedroom so that he wouldnt see what Glenn was doing.

“打电话给萨莉·桑伯恩，”他说，“我曾跟她在贝尔维尤医院合作过。她知道怎么处理这类事情。”

在接下来非比寻常的一年里，萨莉引导我们渡过我们生活中的新篇章，这是一个被死神“眷顾”的家庭要经历的阶段。

萨莉说，“首先，告知疾病名称，并告知孩子其预后情况；其次，确保让孩子明白，病情不是因他而起的；第三，把医生所做的一切都告诉他们；第四，不要有所隐瞒。”

当任何不好的事情发生的时候，“不要告诉孩子”这样的观念伴随着我成长，然而此刻，我认为告诉他们真相更为重要。

在威廉早期治疗的一天，我正准备让儿子杰克上床睡觉，一名叫格伦，总是高高兴兴的上门护士来到家里。在格伦拿出一支注射器的时候，我举手示意他暂停，然后急急忙忙把杰克塞到他的卧室，不让他看到格伦要做的事情。

The next night when Glenn arrived， he said，“This time I suggest another way.” “Come，” he said to Jake， and Jake took his hand. Jake stood right next to his dad， patting the big scar on his head. Glenn 9）steered Jakes little hand， and they gave the injection together.

My son grew up too quickly. Everybody who loses a parent says that happens， but Sallie helped us find the words to describe that “losing.” Not that she took away the pain， but she helped us learn the words to say what it was. And I learned from Glenn how hiding the truth was more upsetting than seeing what was going on.

My son is now nine years old. This year when a dear friend was diagnosed with brain cancer， Jake said to me，“You can talk to the mom. Ill handle the kid.” Jake didnt 10）skip a beat. This was something he knew how to do， just like hed help tie a younger childs shoe.

Last night we were dancing in the kitchen to *The Beach Boys while I made dinner. The phone rang and Jake answered it. “No，” I heard him say， “No， hes not， he died. But my mom and I are here.” It took me a second to realize he was talking to a telemarketer.

Were on a strange journey， my son and I， but its one we all are on. And I believe， now more than ever， in the importance of being honest with children.

第二天晚上格伦上门时，他说，“这一次我建议采用另一种方式。“来吧，”他对杰克说，杰克抓着他的手跟过去。杰克就站在他爸爸的旁边，拍拍他头上的大伤疤。格伦抓起杰克的小手让他一起给我丈夫注射。

儿子成长得很快，任何一个失去了一位父母的人都说这很正常，但萨莉帮我们找到了表达“失去”的语言。并不是说她带走了我们的痛苦，而是说她帮我们学会如何表达自己的感受。我还从格伦那里认识到，隐藏

真相比看到事实更让人不安。

儿子现在九岁了。今年，当我的一个密友被诊断患有脑癌，杰克对我说，“你可以安慰孩子的妈妈，我来搞定孩子。”杰克没有因此而止步不前，因为他知道该怎么处理，就像帮忙给比他小的孩子系上鞋带这么简单。

昨晚，我一边做晚餐，一边和杰克在厨房里伴着沙滩男孩的音乐起舞。电话响了，杰克接起电话。“不，”我听到他说，“不，他不在，他过世了，但妈妈和我都在。”我愣了一下才知道他在跟电话销售员说话。

我和儿子身处一段不一般的旅途中，但我们两人共同经历这个阶段。现在的我比以往任何时候更加深信对孩子坦诚的重要性。翻译：ddung

文化交流站

The Beach Boys

The Beach Boys 沙滩男孩，美国殿堂级元老摇滚乐队。该乐队是20世纪60年代最顶尖的美国迷幻摇滚乐队，可惜当时大部分人都被Beatles吸引了，所以这支乐队当时并不很出名，不过其专辑的水平仍然是非常高的，尤其是《Pet Sounds》——滚石杂志500张专辑排名第二。