你的关注，我的烦恼

by Katherine Goldstein 译/周颖

社交网络不是年轻人的专属，一些不甘落后的父母也在追赶这一潮流。突然之间，长大离家的孩子似乎又变得近在咫尺，指尖一触，他们每天的生活状态尽在眼前。社交网络仿佛为父母架起了一台超级望远镜，他们因重新参与子女的生活而兴奋不已。可在千里之外，孩子们却在心里大声说——Stop following me！

Ishould have known I was in trouble. Before I arrived home for a regular family visit， my dad asked a special request of me： “Katherine， since you are such an expert on social media， I need to sit down with you for a tutorial1） when youre in town.”

“Sure，” I agreed. “Ill be happy to show you some things.”

My dad， while perhaps not always great at operating gadgets， has always been an early adopter. He was the first person I knew to have a BlackBerry， and he rushed out to buy an iPad when it came on the market. And hes always been keenly interested in the influence of technology. While I have friends who giggle about parents who share a joint email address and find text messaging wildly complicated， I thought： “Good for Dad. Hes really making an effort to learn.”

My dad had signed up for Twitter but was a little baffled by some of the finer points. Would I mind showing him if there was a way to see all of his followers clearly？ And how does one retweet？ As promised， I sat down with him and set him up with TweetDeck. I showed him how to use the retweet button， and linked his Twitter and Facebook accounts. “This is so cool！ And helpful！ I really feel totally set up now. Thanks so much， Katherine，” he gushed. All in a days work2）.

When I set up Dads account， I noticed that because he followed so few people， it was mostly just filled with my tweets. Some time shortly after that， I realized that my dad seemed to be reading every single thing I tweeted. If I tweeted something that had anything to do with my life， like asking for a restaurant recommendation， mentioning I was going to a concert， or making an observation about a business meeting， Id receive a prompt email with his two cents3） about where I should go， or telling me to have a grea0t time， or asking me how the meeting went.

I initially found it funny that my dad seemed to be watching my movements so closely， and it was sort of sweet how I would receive an email rather than a message back on Twitter. I asked him how he managed to always see every one of my tweets and respond so promptly. “Oh， I set up an alert to get a message to my BlackBerry every time you tweet.” It was then that I realized I had created a monster. His interest in Twitter had gone from curiosity to enthusiastic parental monitoring tool.

The idea of my dad hovering over my electronic movements perplexed me. My parents have never been prying helicopter parents. Theyve always encouraged my brother and me to be independent， travel alone， and make life decisions for ourselves without their nitpicking4）. They are always enthusiastic to talk about anything， but Id never describe either of them as nosy5）. Twitter quickly changed that. My boyfriend and I were toying with6） the idea of taking a vacation to Beirut， Lebanon. I tweeted a question if anyone had visited or had recommendations. I quickly received an email from my dad， “I hope you mean Lebanon， Pennsylvania！ You cant seriously want to go to Lebanon.”

Our phone calls increasingly began with a 10-minute rundown7） of everything that hed seen me tweet about since we last talked. My dad has always been an indefatigable8） cheerleader and PR agent to the point of embarrassment to his children， and it became clear that he was less trying to hover and more using Twitter to mine exciting life details that he was， perhaps， overly enthused by： “You met Norah Ephron！！” “You got to go to Facebook headquarters！！！” “You had a picnic this Sunday！！！” “You made roasted duck！！！”

While I mainly tweet things related to work and the news， the one in every 10 tweets that had something to do with my life seemed to provide my dad with a steady stream of insight that hed been deprived of since I left for college.

Ive never had any illusions that Twitter was private， and Ive always been acutely aware that I should never tweet something unprofessional. But all of a sudden Twitter felt a little less fun： Anything I tweeted Id likely have to discuss with my dad later， even if it was as harmless as going to a gallery. If I wanted to tell him about it， I would. Living in a city hundreds of miles away provides a grown daughter with the privacy to selectively edit your weekend plans， or not have to tell Dad whether or not your scintillating9） comments lit up the conference room. Anything that I hinted at on Twitter I had to be prepared to answer for later. I couldnt block him. I didnt have the heart to do so. Instead I applied the test “Will I want to talk to Dad about this later？” to anything I tweeted.

Even as I became more aware of the degree of my dads Twitter stalking and started gently teasing him about it， he was not deterred. When I saw him in person， hed make a point to ask me in front of other people， “So how many Twitter followers do you have now， Katherine？ Its over a 1，000 now， isnt it？ Is it over 1，500？ She has OVER 1，500 followers！” Hed brag to anyone in earshot. He loved the idea that this number somehow denoted a kind of status. “I only have 200！” he would add. Isnt the dream of every father for his children to be more successful than himself？

I think the pinnacle10） of my dads Twitter mania came when Slate11） launched our newsblog， “The Slatest，” which I oversee. Since hed sort of gotten the hang of12） the retweeting thing， anything I tweeted related to the launch hed retweet within minutes. He became one of the first followers of the newly created Slatest Twitter account， and because it had few followers in the beginning， when you looked at the list of @ mentions， seven out of 10 of them were from my dad. I knew he thought that he was helping me succeed. I imagined he concluded that if he retweeted all of the stories， it would noticeably bring the site more readers. Thats how social media works， right？ All he had to do to show his support was push a button.

He was in such a flurry13） about “The Slatest” that he even called me during the middle of the workday to discuss it. Twice. For my dad， there are few things more sacred than hard work. Calling me during office hours was the sort of thing I thought hed only consider if someone had died. But Twitter also changed that. The tweets were so instant he couldnt hold back his responses. “I saw your tweet and I was just so excited that I wanted to say congratulations again！ Hows everything going？”

I found myself using the service less and less， keeping it mostly to news links that caught my interest. I started relegating14） my increasingly fewer updates about my life to Facebook. Dad seemed less into Facebook， and there wasnt any easy option for him to get real-time updates sent to his phone. While he still brings up things he sees me tweet， over time he started to tone it down since there was less fodder15）. Maybe a bit of the novelty wore off. Maybe he started following more people so it became harder to focus solely on me.

My mom， although she has a Twitter account， for the most part had stayed out of the whole frenzy. She sheepishly16） admitted that she didnt read all of my tweets and just let my dad fill her in17） on the most important ones. （Fine by me！） As my dads intensity waned， I thought the chapter on parental Twitter stalking had come to a close. Recently， I tweeted out to my followers that I was taking suggestions of possible topics for a fourweek project. I immediately got an email about it， but it wasnt from my dad. It was from my mom. “I just saw your tweet， and I wanted and I wanted to tell you …”

我早就该知道我有麻烦了。在一次例行回家探望父母时，还没到家，老爸就向我提出了一个特殊的请求：“凯瑟琳，既然你是社交媒体方面的专家，等你回来了，我得坐下来向你求教一番。”

“没问题，”我答应道，“我很高兴能教你点什么。”

对于新玩意儿，我老爸也许并不总是非常懂操作，但他总是早早开始使用。在我认识的人中，他是最早使用黑莓手机的。iPad刚一上市，他就赶紧跑去买了一部。他对技术产品所带来的影响总是充满浓厚的兴趣。当我的朋友们嬉笑着谈论他们的父母共用一个电子信箱，而且觉得发短信无比复杂时，我就会想：“还是我老爸好。他真的在很努力地学习。”

老爸早先已经注册了推特账号，但他对其中的某些细节问题感到有些迷惑。他想让我教他是否有办法能清楚地看到他所有的粉丝，还有该怎样转发推文。既然答应了他， 我就和他一块坐下来， 帮他设置了TweetDeck客户端（编注：一款推特客户端， 在其中用户可以将推特信息分类展示）。我教他怎样使用转发按钮，并将他的推特和Facebook账户关联起来。“这真是太棒了！太有用了！我真觉得现在完全设置到位了。非常感谢，凯瑟琳。”他兴奋地说。其实这没什么稀奇的。

在设置老爸的账号时，我发现因为他关注的人太少，他的推特上大多只有我的推文。就在此后不久，我发现我所发布的每一条推文老爸似乎都读了。如果我在推文里提到任何和我生活有关的事，比如请大家推荐一家餐馆，或者提到我要去听音乐会，或者对某个商业会议发表了看法，我就会立刻收到他的邮件，主动提议我该去哪里，或者祝我玩得开心，或者问我会议进行得怎么样。

一开始我觉得这很有趣，老爸似乎在密切注视着我的一举一动。而且，我收到的并不是推特上的一条回复，而是一封电子邮件，这多少让我感觉到几分贴心。我问他怎么总能看到我的每一条推文，而且能如此迅速地回应我。“噢，我设置了一个提醒功能，你每次发表推文，我的黑莓手机都能收到一条信息。”直到那时，我才意识到自己惹下了麻烦。他对推特的兴趣起初只是出于单纯的好奇，现在他却把它当成了狂热父母监督子女的工具。想到老爸在监视着我在电子世界的一举一动，我感到很困惑不解。我父母从来就不是那种喜欢窥探和监视子女的父母。他们总是鼓励哥哥和我独立，独自去旅行，自己生命中的大事自己做决定，而不要他们指手画脚。虽说他们一直以来对任何话题都很感兴趣，但我从来都不认为他们两个是那种爱管闲事的人。但推特迅速改变了这一切。我和男朋友半开玩笑地商量着要去黎巴嫩的贝鲁特度假，于是我发了一条推文，问有没有人去过或者有什么建议。我立刻收到了老爸的一封邮件：“我希望你说的是宾夕法尼亚州的黎巴嫩！你不是真的想去黎巴嫩吧。”

逐渐地，我们之间的电话都要有一个十分钟的开场白，梳理和总结自上次通话以来他所看到的我在推特上发布的一切。老爸一直是个不知疲倦的拉拉队长和公关顾问，甚至会让子女感到窘迫。我开始明白，与其说他是在试图监视我，倒不如说他是在利用推特来发掘生活中那些激动人心的细节，那些令他兴奋得也许有点过头的细节：“你见到了诺拉·艾芙隆啊！！”“你要去Facebook总部啊！！！”“你这个周日去野餐了啊！！！”“你做了烤鸭啊！！！”

虽然我主要发布与工作和新闻有关的推文，但十篇里面也会有一篇是关于我个人生活的，这似乎给老爸提供了稳定而源源不断的洞悉我生活的机会——自从我上大学以来他就被剥夺了这种机会。

我从未幻想过推特是私密的，也总是十分清醒地知道我决不该发布不专业的推文。但突然之间，推特变得不那么好玩了：我所发布的任何内容以后都可能得和老爸一起讨论，哪怕是去看画展这样无关痛痒的小事。如果我想要告诉他的话，我会告诉他的。生活在千里之外的城市里，一个成年的女儿就有了一份隐私，可以有选择地制定自己的周末计划，也不必告诉老爸你的真知灼见是不是让会议室变得生机盎然。我在推特上不管提到些什么，都必须做好以后和老爸谈论的准备。我又不能把他拉黑。我不忍心这么做。相反，我采取的办法是不管我发布什么，我都要先问自己：“我以后想和老爸谈论这个吗？”

虽然我越来越清楚老爸在推特上对我的跟踪程度，并且也开始就此事和他开一些小玩笑，可他依然如故。见到他本人时，他常常会当着别人的面特意问我：“凯瑟琳，你的推特上现在有多少粉丝了？有1000多个了，不是吗？超过1500了吗？她的粉丝都超过1500个了！”他会对能听到此话的所有人都夸耀一番。这个数字不管怎样也是一种地位的显示吧，他喜欢这样认为。“而我只有200个！”他会补充说。孩子比自己更成功，这不是每个父亲的梦想吗？

当《S l a t e》杂志推出由我负责的新闻博客“T h eSlatest”时，我觉得老爸对推特的狂热也达到了登峰造极的地步。由于他已经差不多掌握了转发的方法，我所发布的任何关于推出新闻博客的推文，他都会在几分钟内进行转发。他成为刚刚创建的Slatest推特账户最早的粉丝之一。由于一开始这个账户的粉丝很少，当你查看“@提到我的”消息列表时，你会发现十有七八都是来自我老爸。我知道他认为他是在帮助我获得成功。我想他肯定认为如果他转发了所有的报道，这就能给网站带来数量可观的更多读者。这就是社交网站运营的方式，不是吗？要表示支持，他要做的只是点一下按钮。

他对“The Slatest”如此紧张，甚至在上班时间他也会打电话来跟我讨论。这样的事已经发生过两次了。在老爸看来，没有什么事比努力工作更神圣。我本以为，只有当有人去世的时候，他才会考虑在上班时间给我打电话。但推特连这一点都改变了。由于推文具有很强的即时性，他往往克制不住自己的反应。“我看到你的推文了，我太激动了，我要再次向你表示祝贺！一切还顺利吗？”

我发现自己使用推特的次数越来越少，大多只是发布一些我感兴趣的新闻链接。关于我个人生活的更新越来越少，而且我开始将它们转移到Facebook上。老爸对Facebook似乎不那么入迷，而且也没有什么简便的方式将实时更新发送到他的手机上。虽然他还会提起他看到的我的推文，但渐渐地，他开始说得少了，因为已没有多少谈资。也许是他的新鲜感已慢慢消失。也许是他开始关注更多的人，所以只盯着我一个变得不那么容易了。

我老妈虽然也有推特账号，但她此前基本都置身于这所有的狂热之外。她不好意思地承认并不是我所有的推文她都读过，只是让老爸把最重要的一些讲给她听。（这对我来说没什么不好的！）随着老爸兴趣的减弱，我以为“家长推特监视”这一章已经翻过去了。最近，我对粉丝们发布了一条推文，说我在为一个为期四周的项目征求话题建议。我立刻就收到了一封关于此事的邮件，但那不是老爸发的。发信的人是老妈：“我刚刚看到你的推文，我想告诉你……”

1. tutorial [tju??t??ri?l] n. 大学导师的个别指导时间；大学导师的辅导课

2. all in a days work：不足为奇的，很平常的

3. two cents：（未经邀请而发表的）意见

4. nitpick [?n?t?p?k] vi. 〈口〉挑剔，吹毛求疵

5. nosy [?n??zi] adj. 〈口〉爱打听的，好管闲事的

6. toy with：不太认真地考虑

7. rundown [?r?n?da?n] n. 概要，总结

8. indefatigable [??nd??f?t?ɡ?b（?）l] adj. 不倦的；不屈不挠的

9. scintillating [?s?nt??le?t??] adj. 焕发才智的

10. pinnacle [?p?n?k（?）l] n. 顶点，顶峰

11. Slate：美国知名网络杂志，1996年创刊，以其政治评论、离

奇新闻和艺术特写等内容而闻名。

12. get the hang of：〈口〉掌握……的窍门，熟悉……的用

13. flurry [?fl?ri] n. 慌张；激动

14. relegate [?rel?ɡe?t] vt. 交付，托付

15. fodder [?f?d?（r）] n. 素材

16. sheepishly [??i?p??li] adv. 羞怯地，腼腆地

17. fill sb. in：向某人提供详情