A good trip

Reading 1

It has been four years since I travelled to Shengsi Islands. My parents and I took a car there in the summer holiday.

Shengsi Islands are in the east of Zhejiang Province with big yellow beaches. On the first day， I went swimming in the sea. I could see huge white waves and then I accidentally tasted the sea water which was so salty. In the evening， we had some delicious seafood.

On the second day， I got up very early at about 4 oclock. We went to the East Cliff of Shengsi Islands to watch the sunrise. At first， it was so dark， and we could only see several stars shining in the sky. Then we climbed up the rocks and kept waiting. Suddenly a shining light appeared in the sky. I became excited and couldnt stop taking photos. The sun was shy and just showed her half head. Red and orange lights dyed the sea. How beautiful！ Several minutes later， the sun jumped out of the level. We could see a big round sun. Everywhere became bright. A new day started！

Besides these above， we also went sailing with local fishermen who were very warm-hearted. The trip gave me a great memory. If I can， Ill visit there again.

Reading 2

Think about a trip you have been on and write a list of adjectives to describe what you saw during your trip. Take some notes about your trip using the following table.

Example： historical， modern， famous， special， amazing， traditional， unforgettable， well-known

Writing

Write about your trip using your notes. Use the chart of Reading 2 as a model， you can make a chart before writing.

原文呈現

My trip to Yunnan

This summer holiday， I went to Yunnan for travelling. I had a wonderful trip in this beautiful province.

There are many mountains and lakes， so the scenery is very beautiful. We went to Dali Erhai to enjoy the scenery. I saw many fish swimming in it. I also visited the Three Pagodas scenic spot. It is famous for its three pagodas. Many visitors visit here every year. Its the Dali Buddhist representative place.

Lijiang is also a beautiful place. We went to the Jade Dragon Snow Mountain. It is 5，596 metres high. But I could only reach the height of 4，680 metres. The Ancient City of Lijiang is popular. The food there was very delicious， and I liked it very much.

The people there are strong and helpful. They like helping people. They like putting a sword in their home for good luck. The swords look very cool. I think boys will like them.

From the trip， I learned many things. I learned about the history of the Buddhism， and enjoyed a lot of wonderful scenery. The trip gave me a great memory. If I can， I will visit there again.

开头空泛，建议简要介绍云南，提领下文。

游记主干部分平铺直叙，语言略显生硬，缺乏过渡语，基本没有衔接词，逻辑性不强。建议按游玩时间或空间顺序展开，使用丰富多彩的语言描写景色。

结尾总结收获，表达情感， 但语言不够简练。

升格展示

My trip to Yunnan

This summer holiday， I went to Yunnan with my mother. We had a wonderful trip there.

Located in southwest China， Yunnan is famous for its amazing scenery. Our trip started from the Stone Forest in Kunming， which is a forest of all kinds of stones. It was fun to walk through it and see different shapes of stones.

On the second day， we visited the Erhai Lake and the Three Pagodas in Dali. Erhai Lake looks like a persons ear， and the water there is very clean. When we took a boat on the lake， we could see fish swimming around us. The pagodas are not far from the lake. They are magnificent， so many visitors visit here every year.

After that， we went to the Jade Dragon Snow Mountain. It was the most exciting part. The mountain is covered with snow and looks like a jade dragon lying across the sky. The next day， we visited the Old Town of Lijiang. There are stone streets， wooden houses， bridges and a river through it. People there are friendly and helpful. Whats more， the local food was delicious， and I liked it very much.

Yunnan is a beautiful and amazing place. I have learnt a lot from this unforgettable trip. If I can， I will visit there again.

（江蘇省南京市第二十九中学初中部 王志轩；指导教师 肖雯）

综合点评

作文主题明确，结构完整，逻辑清晰。第一段开门见山，直奔主题“a wonderful trip to Yunnan”，第二、三、四段围绕“wonderful”一词生动具体地讲述了云南之旅，最后一段总结旅行的收获。升格后的作文以时空为主线，以“started from”“on the second day”“after that”“the next day”等自然流畅地将在昆明、大理和丽江的所见所闻串联起来。内容丰富，语言细腻。同时，小作者观察细致，巧用比喻（“like a persons ear”“like a jade dragon lying across the sky”），生动、形象、逼真地描写了云南的壮丽风光，与读者一起融入自然，享受自然，描绘了一幅人与自然和谐共生的画卷。