谯丽
【问题导读】
一篇好的文章不仅需要丰富的内容、巧妙的构思和规范的表达,还需要内容之间具有连贯性。连贯指的是使用词汇手段、语义手段、语法手段、逻辑手段来连接句内、句间、段内、段间、文本内、文本间的意义,从而使语篇所表达的各种概念和关系彼此关联,让读者能对语篇的深层意义进行合理的推理。语篇的连贯可以让读者感到文章是一个整体而不是一串不相关的语句,是使文章结构紧凑的重要手段之一。
【名师导学】
高考的读后续写要求考生所续写的短文与原文的融洽度高,与所给段落开头语衔接合理,并且要求考生能够有效地使用语句间的衔接手段,使所续写的短文结构紧凑、内容连贯。读后续写语篇的连贯性主要表现在语篇中句与句、段与段之间的衔接以及语篇意义方面的一致。我们在续写时应该主要从以下五个方面考虑:
1. 与原文主旨的连贯
文章的主旨是作者的写作目的,是全篇文章的统帅。主旨一旦确定,我们就要按主旨安排好文章的详略。续写要求我们续写的部分要与材料做到协同,那么主旨就要前后一致、连贯。
2. 与原文隐含信息的连贯
故事类文本中,有的信息看似没有着笔写,却藏于字里行间,比如人物的性格、人物的身份、社会背景等。在续写过程中,我们要保持这些隐含信息的连贯。
3. 与所给段首句的衔接连贯
与所给段首句的衔接连贯需要注意提取段首句中包含的时间、地点、人物的动作等信息并分析其隱含信息。
4. 第一段与第二段的衔接连贯
第一段与第二段的衔接连贯,即要注意第一段续写的内容与第二段续写的内容的自然承接,尤其要注意第一段段末与第二段段首句的衔接。在构思时,我们要特别注意第一段与第二段中时间的变化、地点的变化、人物心理的变化、事情发展阶段的推进等。
5. 续写内容间的连贯
续写内容间的连贯需要我们注意续写时上一句与下一句之间的连贯。我们可以通过一些连接词来实现句子之间的逻辑连贯,也可以通过保持句与句之间内容的一致来保持连贯。
【案例导引】
阅读下面短文,根据所给情节进行续写,使之构成一个完整的故事。
Twenty years ago, I drove a taxi. Once, I was called at 3 am to pick someone up. WhenI arrived, the building was completely dark except for one light in a window. Often, manydrivers would just honk (按喇叭) once or twice, wait a short minute, and then drive away.
But unless a real danger, I always went to the door to find the passenger. It might besomeone who needed my assistance. Would I not want a driver to do the same if my motheror father had called for a taxi?
So I walked to the door and knocked.“Just a minute,”answered a weak and elderlyvoice. I could hear the sound of something being dragged across the floor. After a longpause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80s stood before me. By her side was a smallsuitcase.“Would you carry my bag out to the car?”she said.“I'd like a few moments alone.Then, if you could come back and help me? Im not very strong.”
I took the suitcase to the cab, and then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm,and we walked slowly toward the cab. She kept thanking me for my kindness.“It's nothing,”I told her.“I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated.”
“Oh, youre such a good boy,”she said. When we got in the taxi, she gave me an address.Then she asked,“Could you drive through the downtown?”
“It's not the shortest way,”I answered.“I don't mind,”she said.“Im in no hurry. Imon my way to the nursing home.”I saw her eyes shining with tears.“I don't have any familyleft,”she continued.“The doctor says I am too old to live alone.”
I quietly turned off the meter (计程表).“What road do you want me to take?”I asked.“First, take me to Sunrise Street. Thats where I was born,”she said.
Paragraph 1:
For hours, we drove through the city.
Paragraph 2:
“How much do I owe you?”she asked, reaching for her purse.
一、故事梳理
“我”是一名热心的出租车司机。一天凌晨,“我”搭载一名体弱独居的老人到养老院安享晚年。在旅程中,“我”应老人要求,花了几个小时,耐心地将老人搭载到城市中对她具有特别意义的地点,重游故地,缅怀旧事,帮助老人解开其心中的牵挂,并获得自我感悟。
二、关注文章的连贯性
1. 与原文主旨的连贯
根据文章第二段中的“Would I not want a driver to do the same if my mother or fatherhad called for a taxi?”、第四段中的“She kept thanking me for my kindness.”和“I justtry to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated.”這些揭示文章主题的句子可知,文章的主题应该是“我”通过帮助老人这个小小的善举感受到了人生的幸福时刻,提升了自我幸福感,从而意识到了助人、敬老的意义。在学生的续写中,有同学的主题写成了“我”向老人诉说生活的痛苦;或者“我”平时没空欣赏城市,趁此机会弥补;或者是回忆“我”的童年和感受,这些都偏离了文章的中心。
2. 与原文隐含信息的连贯
挖掘文章中人物的性格特点可以合理地推测人物后面的行为,使上下文逻辑连贯。文章第一段和第二段内容提到了其他出租车司机的常规做法和“我”不同于他们的做法:“Often, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a short minute, and thendrive away.”“But unless a real danger, I always went to the door to find the passenger.”,这样的对比描写就暗示了后面“我”有可能不收费用的超越常规、充满人情味的做法。通过文章第三至第七段“我”帮助老人搬行李、扶她下楼、关掉计程表这一系列的描述可以看出“我”身上善良、敬老的优良品格,这也预示着我们后面的续写段落应该写“我”耐心地免费带老人重游旧地。
3. 与所给段首句的衔接连贯
根据续写第一段所给的段首句“For hours, we drove through the city.”可知,“我”已经开车带着老人重游了城市。那么,我们的第一段续写就应该是以事后的角度去描述当时去了哪些地方,为什么要去,整个路程中老人的反应以及“我”的做法。让我们看看下面这个同学的续写:
For hours, we drove through the city. I opened the GPS to find out where Sunrise Streetwas. But she stopped me and said,“Sorry, I want to admire the view outside the car. Couldyou please follow me?”I nodded. To solve my doubt, I asked the old woman why she wantedto do that. She answered,“I am old. My children are too busy to take care of me, so Ihave to move to the nursing home. I'm afraid I can't remember my past days. Therefore, Idecide to go through the city to memorize it.”I was moved by the woman, so I drove through the city again.
这个同学的续写写的是游览城市之前,这与第一段所给段首句的时间不连贯。续写内容上,对游览城市也只是泛泛而谈,根据原文的最后一句“First, take me to SunriseStreet. Thats where I was born.”可知,老人是想要重游故地,缅怀旧事。那么我们在续写中就应该选取几个比较有代表性的地点(出生地、学校、工作的地方、结婚地等)来展现出drove through the city,这样才能在内容上保持前后的连贯性。
4. 第一段与第二段的衔接连贯
我们还是以上面这个同学的续写为例,这个同学续写第一段的最后一句是“Iwas moved by the woman, so I drove through the city again.”。而续写第二段所给段首句是“‘How much do I owe you?’she asked, reaching for her purse.”。从这句话我们可知,“我”已经送老人到了养老院,所以我们续写第一段的最后一句应该是“We arrived atthe nursing home.”。这样才能使两段内容之间连贯。
5. 續写内容间的连贯
我们继续以上面这段续写为例。这个同学的语言表达虽然不是很优美,整段内容句式结构单一:都是“我”怎么样,“我”怎么样,但是在句与句之间的连贯方面,他尝试用了but、therefore、so 这样的连接词来保持句子间逻辑的连贯;内容上也能围绕在“我”和老人之间展开,这也是连贯的一种表现。
根据以上对连贯性的分析,我们来欣赏一下参考范文的连贯性。
【参考范文】
Paragraph 1:
For hours, we drove through the city. The woman asked me to drive her to the placewhere she was born, the school where she studied, the church where she got married andthe workplace where she worked. Every time we arrived at one place, I would stop for someminutes, giving the woman enough time to recall and memorize the place. And then shewould share her stories with me. For hours, I accompanied her to look back on her wholelife. And eventually, we arrived at the gate of the nursing house. As we pulled up, two nurseswere waiting for us. They helped her into a wheelchair.
Paragraph 2:
“How much do I owe you?”she asked, reaching for her purse.“Nothing,”I said. With‑out thinking, I leaned down and gave her a hug. She hugged me tightly.“You gave an oldwoman a little moment of joy. Thank you!”she said. I squeezed her hand and then walkedback to my taxi. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. I believe I have never doneanything more important in my life. We usually think that our lives are defined by greatmoments. But I now realize that great moments catch us by surprise, because they oftenseem quite small.
【模拟导练】
阅读下面材料,根据所给情节进行续写,使之构成一个完整的故事。
I had been acting in school for a few years. When I got a rough role in a play, I, only ajunior in my high school, was excited that my inspiring drama teacher and director hadtrusted me with the part.
We had little time to prepare and I would never forget reading the lines for the firsttime. At first the dialogue was lively, but then it became quite long and boring. To my surprise,my character had one disrespectful line that complained about his bad luck. I hadnever said something like that on stage before. Uncomfortable as I felt about it, I had neverthought of making myself heard to make a change. I was weak, went silent, and acceptedthe line as it was.
At our first rehearsal (彩排), I whispered the line and hoped with so many distractionson stage that the director wouldnt notice. Luckily, she didnt. Over three wild weeks of rehearsals,I convinced myself that I could keep faking it. Then, when the curtain finally rosewith an audience, maybe I would feel fine about saying the line just once as loudly as Icould.
On the night of the open dress rehearsal, I was nervous to see an old couple, theEhlers, seated in the hall. They were close friends of our family and I had no idea that theywould be there. When the big moment arrived, with nervousness racing through my body, Iwent for it. I remember the moment quite clearly—Where I stood, how it sounded and how Ifelt.
After the show, the Ehlers met me with cheers, a warm hug, and some brief dialogue oftheir own. While talking with them, I was overwhelmed by mixed feelings of regret andshame.
注意:
1. 所續写短文的词数应为150左右;
2. 续写部分分为两段,每段的开头语已为你写好。
Paragraph 1:
“Jason, there were so many lines for you. You surprised us.”Mrs Ehlers looked at me.
Paragraph 2:
I said goodbye to the couple and waited in the drama room until our director appeared.
【评价导思】
1. 你续写的内容是否注意了与原文的连贯性,包括语篇主旨、文章内容和语言风格的衔接?
2. 续写这篇文章的时候,应该要注意哪些方面的连贯呢?你注意到了这些方面的连贯吗?有哪些地方的连贯性你做得不好?
3. 在平时写作时,你应该更加注意哪些方面的连贯问题呢?