幽默小故事

张恒

（一）

The young parents worried about their son， Jimmy. He had begun usingunkind words that he learned in school. One day， the mother heard Jimmy callinghis sister a“stupid1 head”

“Jimmy，”she said“， your birthday is next week. Your father and I bought fivegifts for you. From now on， every time you use a bad word Im going to take oneof the gifts away.”

“Thats stupid，”said Jimmy.“OK， young man，”said the mother，“you just lostone of your gifts. Now you only have four. What do you have to say for yourself？

“If I tell you the sentence Im thinking of right now，”said Jimmy，“Ill losethe other four.”

年輕的父母很担心他们的儿子吉米。他开始使用在学校学到的不友善的话语。有一天，这位母亲听到吉米叫他妹妹“笨蛋”。

“吉米，”她说，“你的生日是下周。我和你父亲给你买了五份礼物。从现在起，你说一次脏话，我就会拿走其中一份礼物。”

“那太愚蠢了。”吉米说。“好吧，年轻人。”母亲说，“你刚失去了一份礼物。

现在你只有四份了。你还有什么要说的吗？”

“如果我告诉你我现在想的句子，”吉米说，“我会失去另外四份礼物。”

（二）

Eric： What did you get for your birthday？

Alice： Another year！

Eric： Why didnt you give me anything for my birthday？

Alice： You told me to surprise you.

埃里克：你的生日得到了什么礼物？

爱丽丝：又一年！

埃里克：你为什么一个生日礼物也不送给我？

爱丽丝：你让我给你一个惊喜的。

（三）

Two friends phoned a neighbor to wish him a happy birthday. They dialed2 thenumber and then sang“Happy Birthday”to him. But when they finished their off-keyrendition3， they found that they had dialed the wrong number.“Dont let it bother4you，”said the stranger5 on the phone.“You just need all the practice you can get.”

两个朋友打电话给一个邻居，祝他生日快乐。他们拨了电话号码，然后给他唱了“生日快乐”歌。但当他们完成这个走调的表演时，发现自己拨错了号码。“别让这事困扰你们。”陌生人在电话里说，“你们只需要做尽可能多的练习就行了。”

（四）

A young woman gets a job as a P.E. teacher in a middle school. She notices a boy at the end of the playground standing alone6， while all the other kids are runningaround having fun kicking7 a ball. She feels sorry for him.

“Are you OK？”she asks.“Yes，”he answers.

“You can go and play with the other kids you know，”she says.

“No， its best I stay here，”he says.

“Whys that？”says the teacher.

The boy looks at her and says，“Because Im the goalkeeper8！ ”

一位年轻女子在一所中学找到了一份体育教师的工作。她注意到操场尽头有一个男孩独自站着，而其他孩子都在四处奔跑，踢球踢得很开心。她为他感到难过。

“你还好吗？”她问道。“很好。”他回答。

“你可以去和你认识的其他孩子一起玩。”她说。

“不，我最好留在这里。”他说。

“为什么？”教师说。

男孩看着她说：“因为我是守门员！”

Notes

1. stupid 笨的；傻的；脑子不好使的

2. dial 拨号

3. rendition 表演；演奏

4. bother 费心；使……烦恼

5. stranger 陌生人

6. alone 独自的；单独的

7. kick 踢；踢腿

8. goalkeeper 守门员