巧用修辞， 续写美文 广东

王思

【名师导学】

读后续写要求语言风格与原文的语言风格保持一致。因此，在写作时，我们要充分利用所学的知识来模仿原文的语言风格，使续写部分与原文的总体表达形式和语言风格一致。

很多时候，我们续写出来的句子缺乏亮点，因而，我们可以在写作中恰当地使用修辞手法，给语言增色。修辞是一门有着独特魅力的艺术，它能化平淡为新奇，化呆板为鲜活，化枯燥为生动。在写作中巧妙运用贴切的修辞手法，能增强语言的表现力、说服力和感染力。

那么，在实际的写作中，我们该如何围绕主题意义，顺承原文语言风格，运用恰当的语言来构建语篇呢？我们又该如何运用恰当的修辞手法为文章增色呢？下面就以一篇读后续写为例来探讨这一问题。

【案例导引】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

That cold January night， I was growing sick of my life in San Francisco. There I was walking home at one in the morning after a practice at the theater， feeling unbearably cold and unutterably exhausted. With opening night only a week away， I was still learning my lines. Hard as I tried， I was having trouble dealing with my part⁃time job at the bank and my acting at night at the same time.

As I walked， I thought seriously about giving up both acting and living in San Francisco. City life had become too much for me. The burden on my back seemed to be crushing me to the earth. As I walked down the empty streets under tall buildings， I felt very small and cold. Very few people were still out except a few sad⁃looking homeless people under blankets. I began running， both to keep warm and to keep away from any possible robbers.

About a block away from my apartment， I heard a sound behind me. “Am I being followed by someone？” I thought with fear. With my heart popping wildly like a deer， I turned quickly， half expecting to see someone with a knife or a gun. The street was empty. All I saw was a shining streetlight， which was telling the struggling stories of people in San Francisco. Still， the noise had made me nervous， so I started to run faster. Eventually， I reached the apartment building， took out the key， unlocked the door， and rushed into the room. When I reached into my pocket to take out the wallet， I suddenly realized what the noise had been. It had been my wallet falling on the sidewalk. Suddenly I wasnt cold or tired anymore. All the money I had was in the wallet， without which I would have to starve for the rest of the month.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1：

I ran out of the door and back to where Id heard the noise.

Paragraph 2：

Just as I was about to give up the search， I heard a garbage truck pull up to the sidewalk next to me.

一、原文的語篇要素

[who I when that cold January night where in San Francisco what I lost my wallet on my way home. why I began running， both to keep warm and to keep away from any possible robbers. how I heard a sound behind me， but thought it was someone behind me. ]

二、原文的情节脉络发展

[realized that the wallet was lost] [began running][Development][was walking home][Beginning][Ending

] [Climax][The plot] [？]

三、原文用到的修辞手法

“我”厌烦了在旧金山的生活，对生活与工作（包括排练）感到失望和无奈，最终考虑离开。然而，在寻找钱包时发生的事情使“我”感受到了人间真情，于是“我”最终放弃了离开这个城市的想法。原文运用了押韵、夸张、比喻、拟人和排比等修辞手法来描述环境，抒发情感，渲染气氛，加强语势，增强表达的效果。

（一）押韵

中国古代的诗词歌赋中，某些句子末尾的字韵母相同或相近，这使作品声韵和谐，具有节奏和声调美，读起来朗朗上口，给人一种独特的和谐优美之感。汉语如此，英语也是如此。

例如，原文第一段中的“There I was walking home...feeling unbearably cold and unutterably exhausted.”，其中的unbearably和unutterably两个词尾韵相同，用它们来分别修饰cold和exhausted，这不仅读起来朗朗上口，还能充分表达出“我”当时濒临崩溃、想要放弃的状态，给读者留下深刻的印象。

（二）夸张

夸张是一种运用丰富的想象力，在客观现实的基础上有目的地放大或缩小事物的形象特征，以增强表达效果的修辞手法。夸张是用言过其实的方法，突出事物的本质，或加强主人公的某种感情，强调语气，烘托气氛，激发读者丰富的想象，使读者产生强烈的共鸣。

在原文第二段中，“我”想放弃演戏甚至城市生活，觉得城市生活的压力快把自己压垮了。在这里，文章采用的表达为“The burden on my back seemed to be crushing me to the earth.”，此句中的burden主要来自心理压力。这句话巧妙地运用了夸张的手法，强调了压力之大，激发读者的想象，使读者产生了共鸣，让读者更能感受“我”想要逃离这个地方的强烈欲望。

（三）比喻

比喻是一种常用的修辞手法，用跟甲事物有相似之点的乙事物来描写或说明甲事物。换言之，比喻就是打比方，就是根据联想，抓住不同事物的相似之处，用浅显、具体、生动的事物来代替抽象、难以理解的事物。在写作时，使用比喻可使事物形象具体，以此激发读者的想象，富有很强的感染力。写作中，比喻主要是明喻和暗喻。

在原文第三段中，“我”在跑回公寓的路上突然听到一个声音，以为是被人跟踪，感到很害怕。“With my heart popping wildly like a deer， ...gun.”这句话运用了比喻的修辞手法，把心怦怦跳比喻成小鹿乱撞，生动地写出了主人公当时的紧张与心有余悸。

（四）拟人

拟人的修辞方法，就是把事物人格化，将本来不具备人的动作和感情的事物变得具备人的动作和感情。适当地采用拟人化手法，能增强语言表达的感染力和生动性，使被描写的对象栩栩如生，活灵活现，可以增强文章的感染力和吸引力。

在原文第三段中，“我”转身看到身后的街道空空如也，一个人也没有，只看到闪烁的街灯，它就像是在诉说着人们在这里苦苦挣扎的故事。“All I saw was a shining streetlight， which was telling the struggling stories of people in San Francisco.”这句话用了拟人的修辞手法，借用闪烁的街灯来诉说在这里生活的艰难，既生动又极具感染力。

（五）排比

排比是把结构相似、意思密切相关、语气一致的词语或句子成串排列的一种修辞方法，将意义相关或相近、结构相同或相似和语气相同的词组或句子并排，达到一种加强语势的效果。排比的行文有节奏感，朗朗上口，有极强的说服力，能增强文章的表达效果和气势，深化主题。

原文第三段也巧妙地运用了排比的修辞手法。“Eventually， I reached the apartment building， took out the key， unlocked the door， and rushed into the room.”中的reached、took out、unlocked和rushed into四个并列的谓语动词，展现了一系列的动作，强化了当时那种紧张害怕的氛围，增强了表达效果。

以上是原文中使用到的修辭手法，那么，在续写的时候，我们该如何巧用修辞才能让续写部分既达到与原文语言风格一致，又给续写的段落增加亮点呢？

四、续写故事中修辞手法的运用

（一）夸张

根据情节的发展和续写第一段的段首句可知，主人公跑回去找他的钱包了。钱包对他来说非常重要，在还没找到钱包之前，他应该是既紧张又担心，所以在续写的时候可以巧用夸张的修辞手法来表达他焦急的心情，如“I was so anxious， as if my heart had leaped into my throat.”。这句话描述了主人公的担心，其中的as if my heart had leaped into my throat形象地表达了主人公焦急、紧张的心情。

[素材积累]

1. That horror movie made my hair stand on end. 那部恐怖电影吓得我头发都竖起来了。

2. After seeing the horror film， she really had her heart in her mouth. 看完那部恐怖电影，她被吓得心都提到嗓子眼了。

3. His bright smile lit up the room. 他灿烂的笑容照亮了房间。

4. I almost laughed my head off. 我都快笑死了。

5. He was bent out of shape. 他非常生气。

6. She cried her eyes out. 她痛哭流涕。

（二）拟人

根据续写第一段的段首句和续写第二段的段首句，我们可以推知主人公返回去找钱包，但并没有找到。而钱包的丢失，相当于压垮他的最后一根稻草。所以，在续写第一段的时候可以运用句子“A sense of despair hit me， and the darkness of the night was swallowing me. ”来描写主人公的绝望。其中的hit和swallow本来是表示人的动作，但这里的拟人修辞手法更生动形象地表现了主人公的绝望和无助。

[素材积累]

1. When the host announced that she won the prize， a wide excitement took hold of

her. 当主持人宣布她获奖的时候，她兴奋不已。

2. Upon hearing the bad news， she felt seized by a burst of sadness and couldnt help crying bitterly. 一听到这个坏消息，她感到很悲伤，忍不住痛哭起来。

3. When I was bathed in the sunlight， it felt like the amber⁃like sunshine was kissing

every inch of my skin. 当我沐浴在阳光下的时候，感觉就像是琥珀色的阳光亲吻着我全身的肌肤。

4. The wind stood up and gave a shout. 大风凛冽，发出怒吼。

5. Fireflies patrol the grass with small lanterns. 萤火虫提着小灯笼在草丛中巡逻。

6. The frogs are giving a concert—mixed chorus. 青蛙们在举办音乐会——混声大合唱。

（三）排比

根據续写第二段的段首句可知，主人公并没有找到钱包。而丢了钱包，意味着主人公的吃穿住行都成问题。这里，文章可以巧用排比句来体现这一点，比如“How could I afford the meals the next day？ How could I pay the rent of the house next month？ How could I take public transportation to work？”。三个以how开头的问句组成一组排比句，大大增强了文章的表达效果和气势，体现了主人公当时绝望的处境。

根据续写第二段的段首句的提示和情节的发展可知，本段应该是讲述清洁工捡到了主人公的钱包并归还给他。主人公在找回钱包的同时，也感受到了这个城市的一点温暖。这里，文章可以运用句子“I had got back my wallet. I also had got back some enjoyment of city life. ”来表达。这两个句子结构相同，意义相近，既增强了文章的表达效果，又深化了文章的主题——弘扬真善美，传递正能量。

[素材积累]

1. As one of the modern college students， I get online every day to acquire the information I need， to download the music and movies I like， and to chat with the friends I miss. 作为现代大学生，我每天上网获取所需信息，下载喜欢的音乐和电影并跟想念的朋友聊天。

2. Where others see failure， they see hopes. Where others see a lack， they see a surplus. Where others see a door is closed， they see an open window. 在别人看到失败的地方，他们看到了希望。在别人看到不足的地方，他们看到了盈余。在别人看到一扇紧闭的门的地方，他们却看到了一扇敞开的窗。

3. I reached the gate， hesitated and rang the bell. 我抵达门口，犹豫，然后按响门铃。

4. Some books are to be tasted， others to be swallowed and some few to be chewed and

digested. 一些书可以浅尝辄止，一些书可以狼吞虎咽，而有些书则需要细嚼慢咽，好好消化。

（四）押韵

原文体现了钱包对主人公的重要性。本来就对旧金山的城市生活感到厌倦，现在钱包又丢了，主人公该是多么绝望和无助。这里，文章可以巧用押韵来增强这种情感的表达，比如“The moment I thought about these， I froze there， feeling hopeless and helpless.”，其中的hopeless和helpless两个词尾韵相同，这不仅使句子读起来朗朗上口，还能充分表达出主人公当时的心情。

[素材积累]

1. I believe my brief words will relieve her grief. 我相信我简短的话会减轻她的悲痛。

2. I feed the food to the bleeding man in the flood. 我把食品喂给洪水中那个流血的人。

3. Confused and depressed， Jane held her yellow blouse with her trembling hands. 简感到非常迷惑和沮丧，用颤抖的手抓着她的黄衬衫。

4. There were a few books here and there， but apart from those， the room was quite bare. 房间里散放着几本书，但除此之外几乎没有什么东西。

（五）比喻

根据续写第二段的段首句“Just as I was about to give up the search， I heard a garbage truck pull up to the sidewalk next to me.”可推知，这里是故事的转折点。高考写作要体现正确的世界观、人生观和价值观，要弘扬真善美，传递正能量。本文中，垃圾车的出现并非偶然，我们由此可以推知，应该是清洁工捡到了主人公的钱包并将钱包归还给他，这让主人公感受到了温暖，觉得这个城市并没有那么糟糕。文章可采用句子“Feeling a warm current coursing through my body， I had my eyes blurred.”来表达。这里将感动比喻成暖流，生动地写出了这份温暖。

[素材积累]

1. This weather is terrible. I am sweating like a pig. 天气很闷热。我汗流浃背。

2. Soon the tiny flakes of snow floated softly down， like flocks of little white birds. 不久，小小的雪花静悄悄地飘落下来，就像一群白色的小鸟。

3. I feel like I am floating in an ocean of sadness. 我感觉自己像漂浮在悲伤的海洋中。

4. Clusters of stars decorated the vast sky like sparkling jewels. 繁星像閃闪发光的珠宝一样装饰了浩瀚的天空。

5. The beautiful park was a scented carpet of color. 美丽的公园就像一块芬芳的彩色地毯。

6. Her hair was a flowing golden river streaming down her shoulders. 她的头发像一条流淌在她肩上的金色河流。

【参考范文】

Paragraph 1：

I ran out of the door and back to where Id heard the noise. Inch by inch， I searched the sidewalk. I was so anxious， as if my heart had leaped into my throat. After fifteen minutes， my wallet was still nowhere to be found. A sense of despair hit me， and the darkness of the night was swallowing me. How could I afford the meals the next day？ How could I pay the rent of the house next month？ How could I take public transportation to work？ The moment I thought about these， I froze there， feeling hopeless and helpless.

Paragraph 2：

Just as I was about to give up the search， I heard a garbage truck pull up to the sidewalk next to me. The door opened， and out jumped a small red⁃haired man with an amused look in his eyes. “Is this what youre looking for？” he asked， holding up a small square shape. It was my wallet！ Feeling a warm current coursing through my body， I had my eyes blurred. I got back my wallet. I also got back some enjoyment of city life. I realized that the city couldnt be a bad place as long as people were willing to help each other.

【模拟导练】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

My pupil Robby

Robby was 11 years old when his mother， a single mom， dropped him off for his first piano lesson. “I prefer that students begin at an earlier age，” I explained to Robby. But Robby said that it had always been his mothers dream to hear him play the piano. So I took him as a student.

Robby began his piano lessons and from the beginning I thought it was a hopeless endeavor. As much as Robby tried， he lacked the sense of tone and basic rhythm needed to excel in. But he dutifully reviewed his scales and some elementary pieces that I required all my students to learn. At the end of each weekly lesson hed always say， “My moms going to hear me play someday.” He had given his last ounce of strength to learn and practice， but it seemed hopeless. He just did not have any inborn ability. His mother always dropped him off before the class， waited in her aged car during the class and picked him up when the class was over， but she never stopped in.

Then one day， Robby stopped coming to our lessons. I thought about calling him， but I assumed that because of his lack of ability， he had decided to pursue something else. I also was glad that he stopped coming. He was a bad advertisement for my teaching！

Several weeks later， I mailed to the students homes a flyer on the upcoming recital. To my surprise， Robby called and asked me if he could be in the recital. I told him that the recital was for current pupils and because he had dropped out， he really did not qualify. He said that his mom had been sick and unable to take him to piano lessons， but he was still practicing. “Miss Hondorf... Ive just got to play！” he insisted.

I dont know what led me to allow him to play in the recital. Maybe it was his persistence， or maybe it was something inside of me saying that it would be alright.

注意：續写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1：

When the night for the musical performance came， the high school gymnasium was packed with parents， friends and relatives.

Paragraph 2：

Overcome and in tears， I ran up on stage and put my arms around Robby in joy.

【评价导思】

1. 文章使用了哪些修辞手法？

2. 你续写的段落与原文的语言风格是否一致？

3. 你在续写时使用了哪些修辞手法？你觉得在写作中还有哪些修辞手法比较常用？